Hi there,

I run a small daycare out of my home so that I can be home with my DD who is 2. I look after a 2.5yo and 1.5 yo. Lately things have not been going so well and I am unsure of what the breakddown is.

My daughter is an **intense**, but joyful little girl. She has BIG emotions and wears her heart all over her wee body. She is handful without the other two girls around, but with them it has been really rough lately. From day 1 my daughter and the 2.5yo have been like oil and water - just not a match. Even after a year of them seeing each other 5 days a week, they just don't get along. Some days they have a great time together, but mostly not. The 2.5yo is very sweet and gentle, talks non-stop and is VERY keen to do everything my daughter is doing or playing with. This makes my daughter nuts and my daughter goes from 0-60 in less than a second. I've taught my daughter to ask for space, but lately she screams or hits instead. I am torn between trying to encourage the 2.5 yo to play on her own and leave my daughter alone (literally if my daughter just looks at a toy, the 2.5yo starts to make a move for it) or staying on my daughter's case about being gentle and speaking kindly. i kind of go between both with little success...

The 1.5 yo used to not be part of this dynamic at all and was happy to play on her own at my side, but lately my daughter is turning her aggression toward the 1.5yo. My daughter knows that if she screams at the 1.5 yo - even for no reason!! - that she will get a reaction from the 1.5 yo and my daughter almost seems to do it for kicks some days mostly tho, she does it when the 1.5 yo is in her space. this is causing the 1.5 yo to be very apprehensive about coming in to my home in the morning. it also means that even if my daughter walks past the 1.5 yo with the most harmless of intentions, the 1.5 yo whines or whimpers in expectation of being screamed at or hit - do i have a bully on my hands??

Initially i was really into the idea of staying home with my daughter so that i could have a say in how her big emotions are dealt with - i am not into timeouts or disciplinarian action - we do a lot of cuddles and talking through these moment. But now i wonder if i've made a mistake by inviting these kids into my daughters space. Most days i am in tears over how these other little girls seem to upset my kid. and i am under no illusions that this the fault of the other girls. my daughter is just as much of an issue, if not a bigger part of it, than the other 2.

I am lost. I love my daughter and i am torn between being her 'daycare provider' and mama at the same time. like yesterday, all she wanted was snuggles on my bed which i did offer in small doses, but explained that i do need to keep an eye on the other girls. i finally told my daughter that i was going back to the playroom to read stories and would she come with me and snuggle on my lap. she refused and cried heartwrenchingly for 4 stories. i was almost in tears by the last book. my heart was broken that my daughter just wanted her mama and yet i chose/had to read to the other girls. have i made a mistake by caring for other kids? does my daughter need someone other than me to structure her day??

sorry this is an epic post...any insight would be greatly appreciated.