Need some help please! *LONG post*

[mamaathome]

my struggle with timeouts is 1) i just don't think my kid is receptive to them. she is too strong-willed. i know how this sounds coming from the mouth of a parent, but i was a nanny for 10 years and know the power of the timeout well! but i've met kids who just don't respond and my daughter seems to be one of them. in desperation i have told her to sit on the stairs, but it only makes the situation go from 2 to 13 on a scale of 10. she freaks out more and runs away. and 2) my daughter is just 2 and while she has lots of words, i just don't think she has developed her ability to use them. her temperament is such that she reacts physically first and while yes, this is not an acceptable way to react, i don't want to "punish" her for feeling that emotion. FWIW, i know i am making my own life difficult here by having that view of timeouts and i stand in no judgement of parents who use them. i know we all have to do what works for our kids.

[sunnydays]

I don't think you have to use time-outs necessarily...but you have to do SOMETHING! You need to find a consequence that works for you and for her or she will get worse and worse. I don't use a ton of time-outs, but for some things I do use them...mainly agression. I have a little one in my care who just turned 2 recently and is almost non-verbal. Yesterday he decided to hit me every time I told him not to do something, so I put him in a booster seat for a time-out each time and had him hug me to say sorry after. Well, today, twice he was about to hit me and stopped himself and hugged me instead...LOL. At your daughter's age, she can learn very quickly what is and is not acceptable behaviour. Hitting is not an emotion and neither is screaming or yelling. They are products of an emotion and they are not acceptable behaviours no matter how she is feeling. You are not stopped her from feeling, but rather stopping her from acting in a disrespectful way.

my struggle with timeouts is 1) i just don't think my kid is receptive to them. she is too strong-willed. i know how this sounds coming from the mouth of a parent, but i was a nanny for 10 years and know the power of the timeout well! but i've met kids who just don't respond and my daughter seems to be one of them. in desperation i have told her to sit on the stairs, but it only makes the situation go from 2 to 13 on a scale of 10. she freaks out more and runs away. and 2) my daughter is just 2 and while she has lots of words, i just don't think she has developed her ability to use them. her temperament is such that she reacts physically first and while yes, this is not an acceptable way to react, i don't want to "punish" her for feeling that emotion. FWIW, i know i am making my own life difficult here by having that view of timeouts and i stand in no judgement of parents who use them. i know we all have to do what works for our kids.

[Judy Trickett]

..... my daughter is just 2 and while she has lots of words, i just don't think she has developed her ability to use them. her temperament is such that she reacts physically first and while yes, this is not an acceptable way to react, i don't want to "punish" her for feeling that emotion.

Here is where you are misguided. She is NOT being punished for her emotions. She is being punished for lashing out at another kid or not staying in her time-out. She can feel any emotion she wants but she STILL has to suffer the consequences of her ACTIONS. She's two and she knows better.

It's not your job to make another person happy - happiness is something the individual CHOOSES to feel. As parents we need to stop owning the happiness of our kids to the extent that we fear them and don't do our job as parents. And that job is to raise an independent, compassionate adult who is considerate of OTHERS and not a selfish, narcissistic brat. Harsh words but just look at the people out there these days. Our emotions are OURS and no one else can own those or make someone else feel them - and yes, not even a two year old.

[JennJubie]

It's not your job to make another person happy - happiness is something the individual CHOOSES to feel. As parents we need to stop owning the happiness of our kids to the extent that we fear them and don't do our job as parents. And that job is to raise an independent, compassionate adult who is considerate of OTHERS and not a selfish, narcissistic brat. Harsh words but just look at the people out there these days. Our emotions are OURS and no one else can own those or make someone else feel them - and yes, not even a two year old.

I just explained this to my ds after the nintendo incident. I told him that he was allowed to be angry, that he has the right to feel angry. But I also explained to him that he did not have the right to damage things or have inappropriate behavior because he was angry.

Somewhere along the line children need to learn how to manage their emotions. Again they have every right to feel the way they feel, but they do not have the right to lash out and hurt people.

[Judy Trickett]

I just explained this to my ds after the nintendo incident. I told him that he was allowed to be angry, that he has the right to feel angry. But I also explained to him that he did not have the right to damage things or have inappropriate behavior because he was angry.

Somewhere along the line children need to learn how to manage their emotions. Again they have every right to feel the way they feel, but they do not have the right to lash out and hurt people.

Exactly! Case in point.....I hate my neighbour. HATE HIM! He is rude, inconsiderate and a total ass-hat. What I really, REALLY want to do is go over there and punch him in the throat - yes, he makes me THAT angry. And even though I feel that strong emotion I check it at the door when I walk outside my house so I do NOT actually punch him in the throat. And I started learning to control my emotions when I was young, just like these toddlers we speak of. If we do not have years and years of practice then we are suddenly 20, 25 years old and in JAIL because we lashed out.