Need some help please! *LONG post*

[playfelt]

Agree with Sunnydays. What you do and how you react will have more of an effect on the situation than anything else. Just because you stayed home with your child does not mean she needs to be attached to your hemline all day long or that you are her servant there at her beck and call. You also have a job as a daycare provider. Maybe if you started doing that job more purposefully your daughter would come to realize that she needed to either be alone or join in your fun with the other girls. With you involved there is less chance for conflict in the sense that you can intercept before it happens. Start by playing games with shared parts like all working on a big tower or dancing to music.

The success of the hoolahoop space designation shared again today might be a good thing to try.

The two daycare kids are now close enough in age to start doing things together and excluding your daughter and as mean as it sounds you might want to encourage that to help her see what it feels like to be alone while others have fun. You MUST stay out of the play though as you are the observer not your daughter's playmate. She then has the choice to play alone or join the others. If she plays alone fine at least it is quiet and safe for everyone and then you can focus on ways to integrate her to the group.

We are not responsible for whether our children are happy or not. We are only responsible for setting them up for success. What they choose to do or not to do is up to them. IF she is miserable is from her own choosing and only she can choose to act properly and play nicely. I am not a fan of time out as such but for sure they would be playing in separate spaces till they learned some toleration.

I think in a round about way you are asking if you made a mistake by doing daycare. I think right now that you have made a good choice because you have been able to identify a need that your own child needs to work through and she needs the safe familiar environment of home with you there to support her to work through her issues. But you have to take your emotions off your sleeve and pack them away for a few months so you can help her deal with the social issues of other children.

[torontokids]

As has already been said, your daughter needs consequences. It also sounds like she may need to start developing some self regulation strategies e.g. deep breathing, walking away if upset, talking about her feelings, taking a break, having a drink of water etc. Help her find what works with her then coach her to do so. Have all the kids practice these strategies as this is good for all to learn. When we do "if your happy and your know it" my kids all know our version which has to do with this e.g. "if your mad and you know it take deep breaths." They all coach each other to do this now when upset. You can also incorporate yoga and meditation into your day with the kids to help teach this regulation as well. Lastly, as other have mentioned you need to actually change your focus to focus on your job first. that may sound contradictory as you are home to be with your daughter but this will actually help her to fall in line so she can be with the group. Have the program become more structured and balance your time more between the other girls. She cannot have your attention every time she needs it. Imagine life with a sibling! I would also recommend you don't do the cuddles in bed during dc hours. This can be reserved for the evening or special 1:1 time before her nap after the other girls are down.