Need some help please! *LONG post*

[JennJubie]

I do agree that time outs do not work for every child... for example, my 6 yo ds. He has special needs and his temper can be an issue. What works for him is losing toys or games. Just recently he let his anger get the better of him, and decided to throw his nintendo ds, cracking the screen. He lost electronics as a result. Now he needs to work to earn that privilege back.

I understand that may not work for your daughter either, especially as she is so young... but as it's been stated there has to be some kind of consequence.

As for the other kids respecting her space, as the other ladies said, this is also a must. Some people just need more space than others and there is nothing wrong with that.

[Judy Trickett]

Well, you asked and I will give you my honest opinion. Your daughter sounds like a bully who is accustomed to getting her own way and never paying any consequence for it. She needs to be disciplined for her actions.

Here's the thing with your own kids when you are running a daycare - while you want to make the day great for YOUR kid because that is the entire reason for your doing daycare in the first place, you still have to protect your BUSINESS. If your kid is so undisciplined that she runs off all of your clients then you might as well just put your own kid in daycare and go get a job outside the home. You know?

I think it is great that you recognize the problem. Heck, most dcparents think their kids are perfect angels and could NEVER even get to the point of recognizing a problem as you have. But the thing is you MUST discipline her for her actions or she will only get worse.

[Judy Trickett]

..... my daughter is just 2 and while she has lots of words, i just don't think she has developed her ability to use them. her temperament is such that she reacts physically first and while yes, this is not an acceptable way to react, i don't want to "punish" her for feeling that emotion.

Here is where you are misguided. She is NOT being punished for her emotions. She is being punished for lashing out at another kid or not staying in her time-out. She can feel any emotion she wants but she STILL has to suffer the consequences of her ACTIONS. She's two and she knows better.

It's not your job to make another person happy - happiness is something the individual CHOOSES to feel. As parents we need to stop owning the happiness of our kids to the extent that we fear them and don't do our job as parents. And that job is to raise an independent, compassionate adult who is considerate of OTHERS and not a selfish, narcissistic brat. Harsh words but just look at the people out there these days. Our emotions are OURS and no one else can own those or make someone else feel them - and yes, not even a two year old.

[JennJubie]

It's not your job to make another person happy - happiness is something the individual CHOOSES to feel. As parents we need to stop owning the happiness of our kids to the extent that we fear them and don't do our job as parents. And that job is to raise an independent, compassionate adult who is considerate of OTHERS and not a selfish, narcissistic brat. Harsh words but just look at the people out there these days. Our emotions are OURS and no one else can own those or make someone else feel them - and yes, not even a two year old.

I just explained this to my ds after the nintendo incident. I told him that he was allowed to be angry, that he has the right to feel angry. But I also explained to him that he did not have the right to damage things or have inappropriate behavior because he was angry.

Somewhere along the line children need to learn how to manage their emotions. Again they have every right to feel the way they feel, but they do not have the right to lash out and hurt people.

[Judy Trickett]

I just explained this to my ds after the nintendo incident. I told him that he was allowed to be angry, that he has the right to feel angry. But I also explained to him that he did not have the right to damage things or have inappropriate behavior because he was angry.

Somewhere along the line children need to learn how to manage their emotions. Again they have every right to feel the way they feel, but they do not have the right to lash out and hurt people.

Exactly! Case in point.....I hate my neighbour. HATE HIM! He is rude, inconsiderate and a total ass-hat. What I really, REALLY want to do is go over there and punch him in the throat - yes, he makes me THAT angry. And even though I feel that strong emotion I check it at the door when I walk outside my house so I do NOT actually punch him in the throat. And I started learning to control my emotions when I was young, just like these toddlers we speak of. If we do not have years and years of practice then we are suddenly 20, 25 years old and in JAIL because we lashed out.

[torontokids]

As has already been said, your daughter needs consequences. It also sounds like she may need to start developing some self regulation strategies e.g. deep breathing, walking away if upset, talking about her feelings, taking a break, having a drink of water etc. Help her find what works with her then coach her to do so. Have all the kids practice these strategies as this is good for all to learn. When we do "if your happy and your know it" my kids all know our version which has to do with this e.g. "if your mad and you know it take deep breaths." They all coach each other to do this now when upset. You can also incorporate yoga and meditation into your day with the kids to help teach this regulation as well. Lastly, as other have mentioned you need to actually change your focus to focus on your job first. that may sound contradictory as you are home to be with your daughter but this will actually help her to fall in line so she can be with the group. Have the program become more structured and balance your time more between the other girls. She cannot have your attention every time she needs it. Imagine life with a sibling! I would also recommend you don't do the cuddles in bed during dc hours. This can be reserved for the evening or special 1:1 time before her nap after the other girls are down.

[Artsand crafts]

I do agree that time outs do not work for every child... for example, my 6 yo ds. He has special needs and his temper can be an issue. What works for him is losing toys or games. Just recently he let his anger get the better of him, and decided to throw his nintendo ds, cracking the screen. He lost electronics as a result. Now he needs to work to earn that privilege back.

I understand that may not work for your daughter either, especially as she is so young... but as it's been stated there has to be some kind of consequence.

As for the other kids respecting her space, as the other ladies said, this is also a must. Some people just need more space than others and there is nothing wrong with that.

Removal of privileges works great with my son, too... and he still will be 2 years old in June... He understands very well that if he misbehaves he will not see his favorite cars for a while... I agree with the other ladies, not one is punishing their emotions. We are teaching them boundaries and self-control. You can acknowledge her emotions, but still a consequence to bad behavior is needed and consistency of course.

[Crayola kiddies]

this was my child also .....he was mean, and he was a brat !!!! he hit, pushed, bit, and threw toys at other children.....time out did not work for my child....what did work was removing him from the situation and taking him to his room . I plopped him in his crib and told him I would be back. I left him there for 15 mins or so. when I returned I would ask him "are you ready to come out and be a good friend?" sometimes it was yes and sometimes it was no in which case I left him there. he is much better now thankfully since he is heading to jk in sept (110 days not that im counting). but there was always a consequence because while you are allowed to feel what you feel you are not allowed to take it out on someone else. your daughter needs consequences for her actions or this is only the beginning.

[Skysue]

If a non verbal 18 month old can understand boundaries and time outs don't tell me a verbal 2 year old can't. You need; just like other posters said to take your feelings out if the equation if you want to raise a well rounded child.

Your daughter is ruling the roost she accomplished exactly what she wanted during those 4 stories. She made you feel terrible and she allowed you to question your decision for doing daycare. Anyway you want to put it its control.

My DD is sent to her room and is not even acknowledged until I hear complete quiet, I determine the time line not her.

When it comes to our own children its hard to not take things personal but as loving Mothers we owe it to our kids to detach our feelings and needs above there's.

[mamaathome]

i'm not saying she can't understand, i'm just not willing to wrestle her into a timeout at 2 years old. in my opinion, and what do i know other than my own kid, she is too young. i appreciate and love the suggestions of games for sharing, the hula hoop idea is awesome and will be implemented, and i love the 'if you're mad and you know it take a deep breath' song, but it is just not my parenting style to crack down on my 2 year old who may become a hardened criminal if i'm not careful?!? she is 2 and is learning to deal with a lot - sharing her whole home, all her toys and her mama ALL day. this is her space in the morning, in the evening and all weekend. yes, it is a daycare, it is a business, i get that. and the idea of more structure in that direction is a good one. i'm not trying to get around that. but to detach my feeling from my 2 year old?? i'm baffled to be honest...