Constant screaming

[Mambia]

I have a dcb who is 14 mths old and has been with me for about 3 months. He has had some good days however most days especially fairly recent where he just screams/cries all day long. Parents say he is teething but good god, this can't possibly be teething all the time! He has his molars poking through so I sympathize with the issue but this is out of control. If he is not sleeping then he is screaming and crying at the top of his lungs and nothing will soothe him. I try to ignore but with 5 kids it's a bit tough as they tend to get rowdy when this little guy starts screaming. Day in and day out all screaming, it's becoming extremely frustrating for me but I don't know how to handle as clearly teething will pass. Parents have been great at understanding and feeling the pain and even thought that perhaps it was an attention seeker which it def is. There are times that he is infancy teething as he is chewing on everything whereas other times he's loud but once picked up, suddenly it stops. I have been ignoring but have no clue what to do. Hubby says I should terminate because its causing too much tension on the other kids as well as our day. Who wants to listen to screaming all day!!! Wwyd???

[playfelt]

If he is pulling the screaming fits at home during the night so he can get up out of bed and get parent attention then child is exhausted in the daytime and that won't be helping. Have you tried putting him to bed as in playpen in another room till he settles - expect it to escalate before he gets quieter. He has learned that the screaming brings results so he also needs to learn that the screaming won't bring the results he wants. At least from another room the sound will be somewhat muffled.

[zoomama]

i sympathize with you! that would be a terrible strain on the whole household, and frankly, i doubt i could take it for very long before i would be forced to terminate. however, i agree with playfelt. try to remove him from you and the rest of the group, just to give you all a break, if nothing else. it's always such a tough call whether or not to battle through some hard stuff to break through to the wonderfully trained child on the other side...especially since it seems some don't have that other side.

[Mambia]

As far as I'm told, the child sleeps well at night without interruptions (11-12hrs), then comes to daycare where he still has a morning and afternoon nap and most days I have to wake him up! He goes down for naps without any struggle but the inbetween times if he is not comforted by food, he screams or cries. Like I said, there have been obvious times where has is teething whereas other times his loudness is simply for attention and control but I just ignore. Parents are frustrated by this too and have started putting him in his crib to cry it out and have asked me to do the same. Problem with that is that with a daycare setting and with the nice weather, we spend our time outdoors so this isn't really suitable for me. Like I said, teething will pass its just coping through it but just so disruptive to me, the other dckids and to our day and I don't know how long I can handle this phase. At the same time, from the parents perspective, if I term this child, what do I really expect the parents to do? Quit their job? Arghh, so lost on this one! There are literally times where I feel like contacting mom and telling her I'm done with this child because it gets that intense. Sad thing is, it's hard to form any type of relationship with a child who gets on your last nerve!!! Please help

[SecondAve]

Oh how I feel your pain. I am/was going through the exact same thing, although dck was not teething just wanting undivided attention the entire day. The tantrums could get beyond extreme. The other kids would get upset by it also, one little guy would walk around covering his ears. It was so cute/sad to also see them try to console this child. The simplest of things could set the child off, ie not wanting to wear a hat outside, falling over and wanting to be picked up (note, child was not hurt and is fully capable of getting up on their own), the list is endless.

I absolutely adore the family, they truly are wonderful people. Which is why I endured it almost daily since the beginning of January. At the beginning of this month I just decided enough is enough. Especially since the days the child wasn't here everything was smooth and calm. So at the beginning of May gave them a notice of termination. My contract says only 2 weeks are required, but out of consideration I gave them an entire month. The days still drag on and I can't wait for the end of next week, but I take comfort in now knowing it is only temporary.

I will admit I go through moments of guilt over my decision, but then I also feel such relief. I'll let you know next week once the child is no longer here, but I have a feeling it will be wonderful, as terrible as it is to admit it.

[PattyCake]

I dealt with 2 terrible screamers for over 4 months - it never got better and ended up causing huge issues with my other daycare children. I had to terminate because they were disrupting the harmony in my daycare and quite frankly it was just abnormal for them to scream, throw fits, and misbehave all the time (I'm talking like 10-20 times a day) ...and it was over not getting what they wanted, being told not to do something, wanting toys the other kids were playing with.....I'll tell ya, it's been a few days since they've been gone from my care and I feel great! The only regret I have is not terminating sooner. Good luck with how you proceed!

[SecondAve]

I dealt with 2 terrible screamers for over 4 months - it never got better and ended up causing huge issues with my other daycare children. I had to terminate because they were disrupting the harmony in my daycare and quite frankly it was just abnormal for them to scream, throw fits, and misbehave all the time (I'm talking like 10-20 times a day) ...and it was over not getting what they wanted, being told not to do something, wanting toys the other kids were playing with.....I'll tell ya, it's been a few days since they've been gone from my care and I feel great! The only regret I have is not terminating sooner. Good luck with how you proceed!

Yup, sounds just like the little one I had to terminate. And I agree now that the time is almost up for the child to leave, I do wonder how I ever lasted for 5 full months. Looking forward to the peace that I know will come

[Momof4]

Problem with that is that with a daycare setting and with the nice weather, we spend our time outdoors so this isn't really suitable for me. Like I said, teething will pass its just coping through it but just so disruptive to me, the other dckids and to our day and I don't know how long I can handle this phase. At the same time, from the parents perspective, if I term this child, what do I really expect the parents to do? Quit their job? Arghh, so lost on this one! There are literally times where I feel like contacting mom and telling her I'm done with this child because it gets that intense. Sad thing is, it's hard to form any type of relationship with a child who gets on your last nerve!!! Please help

Mambia, you do not have to worry about what the clients will do if you terminate them. You must have a clause in your contract that says either party has to give 2 weeks (for instance) notice for a termination. If you need to do it, then do it!

3 months is a very long time for newbie screaming and I've been there, trust me. Sometimes all of a sudden the child gets happy and other times it keeps getting worse. When you reach your breaking point you know it and you have to terminate. But you don't have to worry about the rest of the world. If the parents wanted to change caregivers do you honestly think they would consider anything except what is best for them?

It sounds coldhearted, but it's only business. You are there to take care of all of the children and I bet all the other children are as miserable as you are right now. I've been there also.

[playfelt]

I noticed that you said the child is only happy when he is being fed. If mom and dad do that constantly at home and always let him have food nearby or sit in his chair when he is awake "just to keep him quiet" then what you are seeing is the same behaviour at daycare. I probably would ask parents to explain what they meant by that statement and what they do about it. They may not even realize that they are doing it and think child needs access to food all day.

[Mambia]

Thanks for all the feedback! I will try for one last week to see if it improves an if this week is anything like last then away they go!!!! Thanks for all your encouragement