thank you for the encouragement and not making me feel more stupid than i already do. it's hard not to let this stuff get personal. i've had a warm and friendly relationship with my families, and therein lies the problem. it's best to keep business business and personal life personal. it's just a potential for disaster to mix the two. i appreciate the thought of looking at this as a "training period". there are so many reasons i don't want to go out of the home to work. not the least of which is having to then find care for my son b/a school and summer vacay. as a single mom, the prospect of not being here when he gets home from school, not to mention putting a chunk of my income into childcare, is extremely unappealing.