What would you do? (nap issue)

[Lee-Bee]

I believe sleep is crucial to the brain and body's development and as parents (and caregivers) we need to ensure our children learn to like, value, appreciate sleep.

My just turned 3 yr old has big naps still and sleeps 11-12hrs at night. On occasion she doesn't need a nap BUT she still goes to bed with the same routine and she happily lies there near silent for 2 hrs. She sings, talks, plays and stares at the ceiling. There are other nights where she did a huge nap and therefore isn't ready for sleep at 8pm...but she is in bed, alone in the dark at 8pm and she again just lies there still, quiet and calm.

I think we NEED to have children learn to appreciate the still and quiet time. They need to learn to just think and process and relax. BUT this is a long, painful process for the adult because it means months and years of training on our part to make sure we do NOT allow poor sleep habits to form. It is just easier to exhaust kids so they don't put up a fuss or to cave to their many demands to stall the bed routine or to engage when they try to get up over and over and over. My daughter is HIGH energy, non-stop chatterbox with a very fast moving brain (like turbo speed) but she knows she is to rest in bed when we put her there. She knows she is not allowed to get out of bed once we put her there. This process was learned through a lot of work on our part. We NEVER left her to cry it out or anything like that...we just slowly worked to the end goal we wanted and we made sure to never allow her sleep to get to something we didn't want. If you don't want your 3 yr old running out of their bed all night you don't let you infant out of their bed at night.

It is harder to untrain than it is to train.

A movie at nap time provides NO rest for the child, though it is a totally acceptable way to keep them distracted so you get YOUR rest which is also crucial. But what goes on the in the brain of a child watching tv is NOTHING like rest. I am not against tv by any means but we do need to be careful when we use the terms rest with watching tv.

[MommaL]

Wow, there's some strong opinions on this thread (which I see if from 2011 ). I felt the need to chime in because I see things differently than most people on this topic. As a daycare provider, I absolutely understand the need to have a break in the afternoon. But as a parent of a 3 year old who if he naps during the afternoon is up past 10:00 at night, I can also relate to all those parents who beg their providers not to make their children nap. It's a vicious cycle. Of course if children are up until 10:00 at night then they are not ready to get up at 6:00-6:30 in the morning when most working parents have to get them up. Then they are miserable by late morning, which makes providers think that clearly the child still needs a daily nap. What many people don't realize is that if these particular children did not nap and went to bed at a normal time each night, then they would have a good long sleep and be well rested and happy during the day.

So am I selfish, whiny parent because I want my child to go to sleep before I do at night? Am I bad because I want them to wake up rested in the morning instead of me trying to drag them out of bed? Just like daycare providers who like some down time during the day, are working parents not entitled to some down time at night? We too have taught our kids that if they can't fall asleep that they should just lay in bed. I'm very fortunate that neither of my kids are constantly getting up or calling out. But I wouldn't expect them to do that for 2+ hours on a regular basis.

I do have quiet time at my daycare, but I respect the parent's wishes if they ask that their child not nap and just do quiet activities instead. I'm not suffering because of it. I still relax during that time. And parents aren't evil (as least most aren't). They aren't making such a request to be manipulative. They don't need to be trained. They just know what their child needs.

[ebhappydc]

Dcb here just turned 4 so they have asked me to remove his cot and give him quiet activities to do with the idea he'll sleep better at night and be ready for JK. This isn't a problem at all for me, the kid is a gem. Only thing is he always falls asleep on his activity on the rug for last hour and I'm not going to wake him every time he sleeps. He loves sleeping mid day. Do u let the older kids sleep if they happen to fall asleep?

[MsBell]

I simply do the math, if a two year old is here for 10 hours a day, add the hour (min) to get here and home, 11 hours, throw in dinner for an hour, 12hours, that means they only have another 12 hours at home....so there is no way they are getting enough sleep at home unless all they do is eat dinner and get ready to come here in the morning. I have had many parents ask for early doscontinue of naps too, but I also know that a lot of those parents like to get their kids to bed by 730-8 at night. I also believe that an over tired sleep deprived child has a much harder time going to bed at night than one that gets a good healthy much needed 10-12 hours a day/night. So I firmly believe that a child that has trouble going to bed at night is because the bedtime routine is not working, not because they had an hour or two nap after lunch. I am firm on mandatory naps/quiet time too

[bright sparks]

Must Nap, and mandatory nap always makes me giggle. How on earth do you make someone nap lol

I do not have nap time, I have quiet time, that way it is all inclusive regardless. Everyone goes for some quiet time and rest. If a child falls asleep then that is their body naturally getting what it needs...some shut eye. For other kids they may lay down for an hour and be awake but be chilled out and recharging. Don't underestimate the power of down time...not every child needs to sleep during the day contrary to belief but resting is important. Nighttime sleep is different.

If a parent requests that their child doesn't nap, I explain that should their child fall asleep it is out of my control and they obviously need the sleep. If a parent communicates to me that the child is struggling to go to sleep at night, I work collaboratively with them to identify any bedtime routine issues that might be causing problems and will maybe put their child down for an earlier rest time if necessary.

If there is one thing I've learned it is that no matter how much experience one has, every child is different and don't ever think that every child needs to sleep in the day. Yes, the vast majority but not all, there is no way anyone can know that for certain.

[MommaL]

I simply do the math, if a two year old is here for 10 hours a day, add the hour (min) to get here and home, 11 hours, throw in dinner for an hour, 12hours, that means they only have another 12 hours at home....so there is no way they are getting enough sleep at home unless all they do is eat dinner and get ready to come here in the morning. I have had many parents ask for early doscontinue of naps too, but I also know that a lot of those parents like to get their kids to bed by 730-8 at night. I also believe that an over tired sleep deprived child has a much harder time going to bed at night than one that gets a good healthy much needed 10-12 hours a day/night. So I firmly believe that a child that has trouble going to bed at night is because the bedtime routine is not working, not because they had an hour or two nap after lunch. I am firm on mandatory naps/quiet time too

I guess we have to agree to disagree. A child who is wide awake, happy and ready to party for two hours at night because he had a two hour nap in the afternoon is not doing so because the bedtime routine is not working. He's just not tired! Now I'm not talking about an infant or a 1-2 year old. I'm talking about 3-4 year olds (and in some case a child who is 2.5 year old). Again, I use my own son as an example. When he naps, he will not go to sleep until at 10:00 at night and then be miserable in the morning because he's not ready to wake up. Thankfully having my own daycare means that he can sleep in a little longer in the morning. Most parents don't have that luxury. But if my son doesn't have a nap, he's great all day. He's not overtired or grumpy. And when bedtime comes at 8:00 (which I think is a realistic time for kids his age to go to bed), he falls asleep easily. So why wouldn't I want to stick to that schedule?

Sorry, I don't mean to vent. And I do agree that kids still need some down time during the day as well (along with daycare providers). I just think it's really important that we listen to the parents we work with and not just assume that every child is the same when it comes to sleep.

[babydom]

I guess the issue is where does the caregiver get her break? Yes it can be taken as selfish. But when u have five kids everyday and have activities all morning then lunch then u have to keep going in the afternoon with more activities for the non nappers even if it's quiet activities when does one get a break? The parents that ask to not nap their child get an hr lunch at work....to take a walk, run an errand, sit in quiet, to eat lunch. Caregivers deserve the same. A parent can not expect their caregiver to go non stop with their child for 10 hrs a day. Do they do that at home? Probably not. They can switch off to the other parent if they need a break. Caregivers don't have that option. It is this reason that I only take children under age four before they go to school and nap time is required here even for my three yr olds. It is just so unrealistic to ask me not to give myself a break exspecially on the busy schedule I run. And I don't find it a break when I have three yr olds sitting on my couch doing quiet activities and I'm constantly saying shhhhh. Been there and not again.

[Lee-Bee]

At the end of the day what it comes down to is the contract. If a family has signed on being told that ALL child MUST nap then the families need to either decide to accept the naps or move on to a center daycare where they can keep older children busy during this time.

It doesn't really matter who is right or wrong on the aspect of which kids need a nap. It falls to the contract. They have been informed that THIS daycare functions in this specific manner and they need to accept that or move on.

[kindertime]

In my experience, it is often quite telling to see how the child behaves, sleeps after an extended absence. I am talking about the few children I have had who have a hard time going to bed at home during the week and the parents ask for no nap. Usually, these are the kids that want to go to sleep earlier and stay asleep longer the first day back from vacation, because they are over tired from not napping at home. If they truly don't need the nap, then why are they the first to fall asleep? I think it's because here, we have a routine, and at home, not so much.

[MommaL]

At the end of the day what it comes down to is the contract. If a family has signed on being told that ALL child MUST nap then the families need to either decide to accept the naps or move on to a center daycare where they can keep older children busy during this time.

It doesn't really matter who is right or wrong on the aspect of which kids need a nap. It falls to the contract. They have been informed that THIS daycare functions in this specific manner and they need to accept that or move on.

I do agree with this. That being said it does get a bit more complicated when a child starts when they are 1 years old and the nap issue doesn't come up until they are 3 or 4 years old. Such a situation puts everyone in a bit of a tough spot (the parents having to look for new daycare, the child who has developed a good relationship with their current daycare provider, and the daycare provider who has to now fill the spot which isn't always easy to fill). But again, I agree that if it's written in the contract, then a parent has to accept that. I think I was just defensive because some of the comments on this thread made it sound like it was bad parenting and selfish if their child didn't need to nap anymore. That I don't agree with. But I do agree that as daycare providers, we also need to do what best for us too. And that will be different based on a caregiver.