What would you do? (nap issue)

[lilac]

I hear you all about mandatory nap time, but I just want to share my experiance with my own daugther. She was 2.5 when she started at a daycare in the neighbourhood, her and 2 other 3 yos were the only ones that napped while the older kids (my son included who was 4) had quiet time (movie, or puzzle or whatever). Now I have ALWAYS been strict about our bedtime routine, as I learned with my son, its a necessity!! On the rare occasions they did give me any trouble you can belive my foot was already down!! LOL! My kids go to bed very easily even now at 5 and 6years old. However, I did notice about 2m into our daycare arrangement, despite our clockwork bedtime routine, (ended in bed at 8pm) she was still awake at 10pm. On the weekends and holidays when she was home with us, she stopped napping all together and was suprisingly fine, bedtime was normal. However, after speaking with the provider even though she was waking after an hour now (down from 2 hrs) she still maintained that she needed that nap and flat out refused to let her go without to see how it went. So her late nights continued. When we left care, she stopped napping all together and really very few problems with the adjustment. My son at 3.5 had more problems adjusting to no nap than she did. So being on the other end of it, I try to be flexible regarding nap time, of course if the child is miserable b/c of missed nap, then she's clearly not ready, but sometimes I think it is possible that they are ready to give up that nap at a younger than average age.... I must say that as a parent I was slightly miffed that my provider did not think I knew what my child did (or in this case did not) need and would not work with me that way.... especially since she already had so many non-nappers.

Although it does sound like this little guy still needs his nap, he just needs to get used to going to sleep w/o his mom. I think if he's co-slept all of his life it would be a big adjustment to make for him to go to sleep w/o his mom at daycare, but I would imagine if you are consistent and give it some time he will learn to do it, hopefully sooner rather than later!

[SMHD]

Every child has his own sleep requirements, we know that as caregivers, but there is no child who needs no rest even if he/she does not sleep during that rest. And we need our mental sanity too: why do we cut ourselves so short as caregivers? If we do not care for ourselves, we will get burned out and resent constantly being on-deck when the reality is, they should be resting.

I have parents all the time trying to manipulate the nap issue and it is for their own selfish good, not the good of the child. They are overworked, long hours, shift work, whatever, or just want to get rid of the child in the evening as early as possible. No family time, no wonder these little ones are sad and stressed out.

I stick to my guns on the nap issue: parents have to understand that we are functioning as a group and if they want individual schedules they should hire a nanny. Daycares don't work that way...period. So I let them know square and clear that the sleep routine is non-negotiable.

I have parents all the time whining about how the daytime nap is ruining their evening go-to-bed schedule...well what about the overly-tired whiny child of theirs I have to put up with all day, who is exhausted and needs a nap? Do they ever stop to consider how wearing this is on the nerves of a caregiver dealing with a grumpy, non-co-operative child? No of course not, so they (the parents) have to be "disciplined". Either they suffer or you suffer. Decide. Don't be desperate.

We are not servants; we are running a credible business and a tough one at that. Because we are caregivers we have a certain personality type which is not attune to being hard-nosed. It is hard to be a caring person towards children and tough with their parents, but you have to be otherwise we will end up burned out and resentful like many of us describe on here.

It requires a change of attitude towards ourselves as caregivers. We love the children but we have to primarily take care of ourselves and our energy levels by showing ourselves the respect that parents don't.

Be fussy about who you take on as parents: they need to be "trained" from the get-go. Easier said than done, but if you don't like them from the beginning...forget it...don't even take them on. A clear written policy which forms A. part of the contract and B signed by the parents at the get-go will serve as a starting point. Revise it twice as year as issues arise for you or whenever you take on new parents...update it to serve your needs and protect yourself...then when things get tough you have your policy and conditions to fall back on. They form an integral part of the contract and the parents are violating the contract by not respecting your terms and conditions. Sounds tough as nails but hey...it's that or get walked all over.

[Lee-Bee]

I believe sleep is crucial to the brain and body's development and as parents (and caregivers) we need to ensure our children learn to like, value, appreciate sleep.

My just turned 3 yr old has big naps still and sleeps 11-12hrs at night. On occasion she doesn't need a nap BUT she still goes to bed with the same routine and she happily lies there near silent for 2 hrs. She sings, talks, plays and stares at the ceiling. There are other nights where she did a huge nap and therefore isn't ready for sleep at 8pm...but she is in bed, alone in the dark at 8pm and she again just lies there still, quiet and calm.

I think we NEED to have children learn to appreciate the still and quiet time. They need to learn to just think and process and relax. BUT this is a long, painful process for the adult because it means months and years of training on our part to make sure we do NOT allow poor sleep habits to form. It is just easier to exhaust kids so they don't put up a fuss or to cave to their many demands to stall the bed routine or to engage when they try to get up over and over and over. My daughter is HIGH energy, non-stop chatterbox with a very fast moving brain (like turbo speed) but she knows she is to rest in bed when we put her there. She knows she is not allowed to get out of bed once we put her there. This process was learned through a lot of work on our part. We NEVER left her to cry it out or anything like that...we just slowly worked to the end goal we wanted and we made sure to never allow her sleep to get to something we didn't want. If you don't want your 3 yr old running out of their bed all night you don't let you infant out of their bed at night.

It is harder to untrain than it is to train.

A movie at nap time provides NO rest for the child, though it is a totally acceptable way to keep them distracted so you get YOUR rest which is also crucial. But what goes on the in the brain of a child watching tv is NOTHING like rest. I am not against tv by any means but we do need to be careful when we use the terms rest with watching tv.

[MommaL]

Wow, there's some strong opinions on this thread (which I see if from 2011 ). I felt the need to chime in because I see things differently than most people on this topic. As a daycare provider, I absolutely understand the need to have a break in the afternoon. But as a parent of a 3 year old who if he naps during the afternoon is up past 10:00 at night, I can also relate to all those parents who beg their providers not to make their children nap. It's a vicious cycle. Of course if children are up until 10:00 at night then they are not ready to get up at 6:00-6:30 in the morning when most working parents have to get them up. Then they are miserable by late morning, which makes providers think that clearly the child still needs a daily nap. What many people don't realize is that if these particular children did not nap and went to bed at a normal time each night, then they would have a good long sleep and be well rested and happy during the day.

So am I selfish, whiny parent because I want my child to go to sleep before I do at night? Am I bad because I want them to wake up rested in the morning instead of me trying to drag them out of bed? Just like daycare providers who like some down time during the day, are working parents not entitled to some down time at night? We too have taught our kids that if they can't fall asleep that they should just lay in bed. I'm very fortunate that neither of my kids are constantly getting up or calling out. But I wouldn't expect them to do that for 2+ hours on a regular basis.

I do have quiet time at my daycare, but I respect the parent's wishes if they ask that their child not nap and just do quiet activities instead. I'm not suffering because of it. I still relax during that time. And parents aren't evil (as least most aren't). They aren't making such a request to be manipulative. They don't need to be trained. They just know what their child needs.

[ebhappydc]

Dcb here just turned 4 so they have asked me to remove his cot and give him quiet activities to do with the idea he'll sleep better at night and be ready for JK. This isn't a problem at all for me, the kid is a gem. Only thing is he always falls asleep on his activity on the rug for last hour and I'm not going to wake him every time he sleeps. He loves sleeping mid day. Do u let the older kids sleep if they happen to fall asleep?