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  1. #1
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    What would you do? (nap issue)

    Ok here is the scenario...
    5 kids, 3 nappers, 2 non nappers.

    The non nappers are a 4.5 year old and 2.5 year old. The 2.5 year old in my opinion needs to be napping, in parents opinion he doesn't go to bed well if he has had even a 15 min nap. So for months now my quiet time has been watching a movie, reading etc with these 2 while the others nap.
    Now, come Sept my 4.5 year old is leaving for school.
    So, I would like to see everyone nap and for once in months to actually get a break?
    Problem is, this 2.5 year old has slept with mom his whole life so, he cries and whines mommy mommy mommy for a long time. Luckily my other nappers know it's nap time and tune him out and go right to sleep. Today was the first experimental day where I put him in the nap room. His mommy mommy crys were heart breaking and lasted about 35 minutes, he is now asleep.
    Knowing the parents don't really want him sleeping, the heart breaking hurt this child seems to feel without sleeping with mom, do I continue this pattern daily?
    It obviously worked out, I believe children need naps at 2.5 years old and the break for me would be great too!
    What would you do?

  2. #2
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    I tell my parents at the INTERVIEW that all children under the age of 4 nap here (or have quiet time). If they don't like my rules there's the door. I NEED MY BREAK. They get it.

    If the child does not sleep/rest, then they get termed. The parents also don't tell me what to do while I have their child in my care. MY RULES.

    If the parent continues to complain/whine about the situation about the child not sleeping during the day, it's not our problem. Like you stated, children need naps! It's obviously the night-time routine that needs to be changed!

  3. #3
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    I hear what your saying! Really I do, but heres the other part. He wakes up after about 45 minutes today. Right back to the same state of mind, except worse! Crying mommy, I want to go home. He just keeps crying after I have woke all the kids up for snack, he is still out of sorts...just crying for no reason. He's puffy eyed, red faced...looks terribly sad. It almost seems like more work then it's worth at this point. Maybe I should give it a few more days and see if he adjusts? We had a talk about why naps are good for our bodies and he kept saying ok and nodding over the tears

  4. #4
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    All children are required to nap/have quiet time here too. It's mandatory and in my contract. Parents who have a hard time getting their child to bed at night has nothing to do with the child napping and everything to do with putting their foot down at bed time. The child will get use to napping, just give it some time and he will fall suit with everyone else.
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  5. #5
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    Same as fruitloop stated:
    The child will get use to napping, just give it some time and he will fall suit with everyone else.
    Do NOT go into him at nap time. The child needs to learn that it is quiet time, and this is how things are done at daycare.

  6. #6
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    I'm not sure what your setup is like but here is how I dealt with a similar situation. I have a 3 year old who does not sleep, although parents want him to. My playroom is separated from the kitchen by a gate. He must sit/lie on his mat and have quiet time alone. He is allowed books but no toys. I sit in the kitchen, have lunch, read etc. I can see him but there is no contact!!! Works perfectly and he often falls asleep anyway!

  7. #7
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    I think if you are going to commit to letting a child grow accustomed to naptime, then out of fairness to the child, you need to commit. He did well today, if this is the first time in his 2.5 year life that he fell asleep alone! I would definitely keep at it! I think he will adjust quickly and you all will see big changes in him thanks to the sleep! Do you need to tell his parents? Tell them you have a new nap policy that everyone lies down for 30 minutes, and only if they're still up after that time can they come do a quiet activity?

    Is there a room he can sleep in on his own, or does your state allow that? We aren't regulated so I always have a newbie learn to nap in their own room and then integrate them into my group room once they are good at falling asleep.
    ~ Mama to 4, Dayhome provider ~

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  9. #8
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    So did you have him when he used to nap? Or did he come to you, as a non-napper? My policy is all children under 3 have an afternoon nap, and the others have quiet time. This is when we can put on a movie or some music, we can read or do puzzles, play a quiet game, etc. The bottom line is....shhhhhh. The kids know that I will not be playing "with them". I use this time to get things done, or just have a little bit of time to relax.
    I agree that if this is the first time that he has fallen asleep on his own, he did pretty well all things considered. You mentioned; "the heart breaking hurt this child seems to feel without sleeping with mom". As much as I am okay with co-sleeping arrangements, it is still necessary for a child to learn to sleep by themselves.
    I would recommend that you speak with mom and dad, though. If he is a full-timer, then it's important that they know what your day-to-day is. Otherwise, if you continue to put him down for naps when they are under the impression that you are not, in my mind it's dishonest. Explain to them that being at daycare is very stimulating both mentally and physically for a toddler, and that by mid-afternoon thier little angel is beyond ready for a rest, both mentally and physically. Ask about bedtime, and it's routine. If mom and dad are putting him down at 6:30 or 7, because they are probably tired, then he will definitely give them trouble at bedtime.
    As for continuing to cry after nap; it sounds to me like he is still tired! Hard to say, but I would keep it up. In order to strike a compromise, perhaps you can put him down to sleep last and wake him up first?

  10. #9
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    I hear you all about mandatory nap time, but I just want to share my experiance with my own daugther. She was 2.5 when she started at a daycare in the neighbourhood, her and 2 other 3 yos were the only ones that napped while the older kids (my son included who was 4) had quiet time (movie, or puzzle or whatever). Now I have ALWAYS been strict about our bedtime routine, as I learned with my son, its a necessity!! On the rare occasions they did give me any trouble you can belive my foot was already down!! LOL! My kids go to bed very easily even now at 5 and 6years old. However, I did notice about 2m into our daycare arrangement, despite our clockwork bedtime routine, (ended in bed at 8pm) she was still awake at 10pm. On the weekends and holidays when she was home with us, she stopped napping all together and was suprisingly fine, bedtime was normal. However, after speaking with the provider even though she was waking after an hour now (down from 2 hrs) she still maintained that she needed that nap and flat out refused to let her go without to see how it went. So her late nights continued. When we left care, she stopped napping all together and really very few problems with the adjustment. My son at 3.5 had more problems adjusting to no nap than she did. So being on the other end of it, I try to be flexible regarding nap time, of course if the child is miserable b/c of missed nap, then she's clearly not ready, but sometimes I think it is possible that they are ready to give up that nap at a younger than average age.... I must say that as a parent I was slightly miffed that my provider did not think I knew what my child did (or in this case did not) need and would not work with me that way.... especially since she already had so many non-nappers.

    Although it does sound like this little guy still needs his nap, he just needs to get used to going to sleep w/o his mom. I think if he's co-slept all of his life it would be a big adjustment to make for him to go to sleep w/o his mom at daycare, but I would imagine if you are consistent and give it some time he will learn to do it, hopefully sooner rather than later!

  11. #10

    The nap issue

    Every child has his own sleep requirements, we know that as caregivers, but there is no child who needs no rest even if he/she does not sleep during that rest. And we need our mental sanity too: why do we cut ourselves so short as caregivers? If we do not care for ourselves, we will get burned out and resent constantly being on-deck when the reality is, they should be resting.

    I have parents all the time trying to manipulate the nap issue and it is for their own selfish good, not the good of the child. They are overworked, long hours, shift work, whatever, or just want to get rid of the child in the evening as early as possible. No family time, no wonder these little ones are sad and stressed out.

    I stick to my guns on the nap issue: parents have to understand that we are functioning as a group and if they want individual schedules they should hire a nanny. Daycares don't work that way...period. So I let them know square and clear that the sleep routine is non-negotiable.

    I have parents all the time whining about how the daytime nap is ruining their evening go-to-bed schedule...well what about the overly-tired whiny child of theirs I have to put up with all day, who is exhausted and needs a nap? Do they ever stop to consider how wearing this is on the nerves of a caregiver dealing with a grumpy, non-co-operative child? No of course not, so they (the parents) have to be "disciplined". Either they suffer or you suffer. Decide. Don't be desperate.

    We are not servants; we are running a credible business and a tough one at that. Because we are caregivers we have a certain personality type which is not attune to being hard-nosed. It is hard to be a caring person towards children and tough with their parents, but you have to be otherwise we will end up burned out and resentful like many of us describe on here.

    It requires a change of attitude towards ourselves as caregivers. We love the children but we have to primarily take care of ourselves and our energy levels by showing ourselves the respect that parents don't.

    Be fussy about who you take on as parents: they need to be "trained" from the get-go. Easier said than done, but if you don't like them from the beginning...forget it...don't even take them on. A clear written policy which forms A. part of the contract and B signed by the parents at the get-go will serve as a starting point. Revise it twice as year as issues arise for you or whenever you take on new parents...update it to serve your needs and protect yourself...then when things get tough you have your policy and conditions to fall back on. They form an integral part of the contract and the parents are violating the contract by not respecting your terms and conditions. Sounds tough as nails but hey...it's that or get walked all over.

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