Continue to teach the child how to do things and once you know she has the skills just not the desire start making it in her best interest to get it done - put shoes on after nap then come for snack - serve something good like a fancy cookie or fruit cut in funny shapes. Then serve the regular snack - if she misses out on the fancy too bad she at least has the mundane graham cracker everyone else has. Hopefully she will realize that she only gets the things the big kids get if she acts like one.

Sometimes it helps to let parents know that the child is missing out because she does not have the skills that her peers do so instead of getting the fancy shaped food she is getting you serving a dish of mush, etc. It will either spur them to action when they see what really is "normal" for her age or it will annoy them enough they pull her.