I've been not only "questioned" but outright TOLD "dcg will NOT nap anymore!!" by two different dcms. One came around after a talk and the other dcf left. I understand your anger and indignation!!! However, this dcm sounds totally understanding and as much as it's hard not to be frustrated with the parent when a child is difficult, it's so much easier when they are at least reasonable and kind.

I wouldn't tell dcm about your frustrations re sil. It wasn't her fault and it doesn't sound like she even agreed. I have a policy of taking full timers only due to these kinds of issues. I do have one dcg who comes 4 days/wk, but her parents are awesome and dcg is too. Does mom leave daughter for 2 hour quiet time at home? That's the first place to start. Consistency is crucial for little ppl, and for your own sanity!