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  1. #1

    Daycare and who can pick up son

    My girlfriend's son, who lives with us 100% of the time, I believe is at risk of being taken by his crazy "father" from daycare, and the daycare is saying there is nothing they can do about it, despite him not being on the pickup list, but because he is the co-signing parent on the contract

    Here is the series of events that have happened:
    - Father showed up at 11pm on my apartment deck, uninvited, with 2 other people, drunk and demanding we come outside, trying to look through windows
    -He said he was taking her son the next day to drive him 120km away to visit his equally as crazy mother
    -He stood outside for about 5 minutes before they took off when I said I was calling the police

    Now we are really concerned for our son's safety, there is no legal documentation for any sort of agreement regarding the child and his custody situation

    Some background on the father: Cannot hold a stable job for too long, was unemployed for about 10 months last year, smokes weed constantly, has admitted to doing cocaine and heroin, very violent nature- he once walked down the road with a knife saying he was going to stab someone who p'd him off

    We are looking for any ways to get the daycare to NOT release our son to this man until we can go to court

    And I have found out from my girlfriend that they never had a paternity test done and they were never married

    I have read that a daycare institution cannot release a child to anyone except a legal parent, people on the daycare pick up list, or law/childcare enforcement officials

    unless I was reading the wrong documents, having no established paternity of the child is enough for the daycare to refuse pickup if he shows up? Since he cannot prove he is the father, even though he is on the contract?

  2. #2
    Euphoric !
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    479 Times in 345 Posts
    I would consult with a lawyer...not us, sorry.

  3. #3
    We are, however lawyers take time, and the daycare is still saying they can do nothing to prevent him from showing up, having never seen him before, and taking our son, provided he shows ID that he is on the contract

  4. #4
    Euphoric !
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    479 Times in 345 Posts
    I never worked in a centre before but my understanding of the law/ what they do in school is that unless they have court documents stating he cannot take your son he could if he is on the pick up list. The fact that he's on the contract is weird. What if you go in, complete a new contract with just your girlfriend completing it, tell them their is a paternity issue and then issue solved.

  5. #5
    Euphoric ! mimi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    555 Times in 413 Posts
    Does your girlfriend have sole custody or any kind of agreement with him? If you are that concerned, I would find alternate care while you go see a lawyer who will be able to draw up some paperwork for your son's current daycare. Good luck

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by torontokids View Post
    I never worked in a centre before but my understanding of the law/ what they do in school is that unless they have court documents stating he cannot take your son he could if he is on the pick up list. The fact that he's on the contract is weird. What if you go in, complete a new contract with just your girlfriend completing it, tell them their is a paternity issue and then issue solved.
    I was thinking about doing just that, I am going to ask when I pick him up

    And the "father" is not on the pick up list, he was there to sign the enrollment papers, thats all his name is on

  7. #7
    Euphoric !
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    550 Times in 347 Posts
    Yup, go talk to a lawyer. All I know is that if I don't have a divorce agreement in hand indicating that the mother has sole custody, I would have to release the child to his father. Crazy or not, it comes down to the law. No daycare is going to open themselves or the kids in their care to your girlfriend's crazy ex or the powers that be. Their hands are bound by the laws of the land. You and your girlfriend need to see a lawyer and would be well advised to sinking some money into a proper custody agreement naming her as custodial parent.

    I've got a little experience with this, so here's what I've got that can get the ball rolling on legal stuff- He'll probably fight the custodial parent thing, so DOCUMENT EVERYTHING to prove he's perhaps not the stuff of solid parenting. Every hostile word, every strange moment, every attempt at intimidation, every example of inappropriate parenting.....write it ALL down with dates, times, occurrences. This will set up a visible pattern of behaviour a judge can see. In addition, if the child's safety is a concern when in the father's care (sounds like it is), stop sending him. It really is as simple as that, BUT there will be a legal repercussions to deal with. Our legal system runs like molasses....painfull y slow. And I'm betting, if Dad's got some drug problems, there isn't likely enough money to carry on too far in the legal system. If you pull access, things will start moving towards court action. The judge, during case conference (where both sides talk about the motions they want to bring to the table at the motion hearing), the judge will question the decision to pull access and ask for your girlfriend to reinstate it. Since no rulings are handed down at this point, he can't force you, but will suggest supervised access because the 'child has the right to see his father'. DO NOT argue this. Supervised is great, but don't agree to it with relatives. I went the route of wanting a family assessment done (akin to psyche assessment on him) so had him go to a daycare facility under the watch of social workers. Your side will have to pay the supervised access and assessment if it's found to be that's he's super dad, but it likely won't get that far. I believe but may remember inappropriately, but I think you have to have your lawyer call in 'The Office of The Children's Lawyer' on this, but not 100% sure. With your documented incidents indicating a history of drug use, irrational, violent, hostile behaviour, I don't think you'll have a problem. Also during this case conference, see if you can get the judge to recommend an 'interim custody order'. Mine was nothing more than a hand written note from my lawyer indicating that I had temporary sole custody of our children until such time that we had come to a final custody agreement - it was signed by all of us. At some point during all of this (takes months), he's probably going to become very hostile. Don't threaten to call the police....actually do it. If he's picked up for domestic, he'll be out of your hair for quite some time, it will really help your case and will look after the issue of picking the child up at daycare (I think - check into that though).If you can't afford a lawyer, I'm not sure what to tell you. Really, your custody needs to be sorted out. When dealing with lawyers and judges, let him be the demonstrative lunatic. Do not ever be demonstrative or over act in the courtroom. An air of cool, calm and maintaining dignity with a tinge of sadness is the way to be

    Good luck.

  8. #8
    apples and bananas
    If I was the caregiver I'd suggest you keep the child home if there is A safety concern. I can't hold back a child from their father. And I wouldn't want to be put in the situation to begin with. Knowing this story, as the caregiver, I may refuse to take the child for the day.

    As a single mother with a crazy ex husband I would not take my child to care. I would, instead, take the day to file a restraining order based on trespassing and threatening. At least then I'd have some sort of document to take to the daycare so they would not release the child.

    What a horrible situation.

  9. #9
    Starting to feel at home...
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    25 Times in 18 Posts
    I would keep the child at home until this is all settled. You could also contact your local police department and speak with an officer in communications to see if there is anything you can do to prevent this dad from picking up without proper authorization...you may get answers quicker from the police...sorry to hear about your situation.

  10. #10
    Euphoric ! Sandbox Sally's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2011
    292 Times in 225 Posts
    Call the police. It is an immediate risk. If he's threatening to kidnap the child, the police should be able to put in some kind of protective order. Good luck.

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