Little hoarder

[bright sparks]

I have a little girl who is 3 1/2 and for the last 6 months she has collected all of the counting cookies, so 10, and puts them in a purse and carries them around. She will not share so she loses them all together if she won't. What I started doing is sharing them out. I get her to distribute them between all of the group, even if they don't want to play with them and then what's left is for her to do with as she pleases. She gets two and after repeatedly telling her every day when we go through this routine, she is not allowed to touch any other cookie for the duration of the day, only her own, then she eventually got used to it. The result if she does try to get the others is that she is not allowed any play cookies for the rest of the day. She soon learnt. This age is about control, establishing independence,and doing what they want, when they want and making their own choices. I think IME it is a very normal thing to do if for any reason they feel threatened. The collecting or hoarding of items is just a display of control. I have another 3 year old who carries books around specifically so the others can't have them, so he is instructed every time to put them back, choose one and sit down and read it. If he doesn't read it, he doesn't get to hold it and at that age, he is old enough to understand that his behaviour is not acceptable and why. It drives me crazy when this kid is trying to carry around 20 books at the same time as playing grocery store for example...seriously! !! lol

I have also stopped telling them to share, because when they want something the other person has and they wont give it to them they always start whining" They're not sharing". Here is the thing, if they have only just started playing with it they don't need to share it. They actually need to just take it in turns. The 3 year olds were told for so long over and over to share when they were younger, that now they use the sharing as a demand for a toy which just goes to show that they do not understand the concept and true meaning of sharing, hence why I now tell them its kind to take it in turns and I guesstimate a 5 minute time period before someone has to hand it over and play with something else. Sometimes I just get them to swap toys too. They of course sulk at first and even now knowing the rules, these particular two occasionally still go off in a mood, but I find the key to reducing the frequency of this is consistency and also ignoring their response. I don't even redirect them when they are upset, because it is important for them to learn that to feel that way is okay and to understand that the other child is not doing anything wrong if they are playing with an item and don't have to always immediately hand it over just because the other demands that they share.

I don't think you should separate the child. Its discipline for his behaviour but isn't teaching him to deal with this kind of situation and ultimately get over it.

Hope some of my experience proves helpful in dealing with this.

[betsy]

I have a little girl who is 3 1/2 and for the last 6 months she has collected all of the counting cookies, so 10, and puts them in a purse and carries them around. She will not share so she loses them all together if she won't. What I started doing is sharing them out. I get her to distribute them between all of the group, even if they don't want to play with them and then what's left is for her to do with as she pleases. She gets two and after repeatedly telling her every day when we go through this routine, she is not allowed to touch any other cookie for the duration of the day, only her own, then she eventually got used to it. The result if she does try to get the others is that she is not allowed any play cookies for the rest of the day. She soon learnt. This age is about control, establishing independence,and doing what they want, when they want and making their own choices. I think IME it is a very normal thing to do if for any reason they feel threatened. The collecting or hoarding of items is just a display of control. I have another 3 year old who carries books around specifically so the others can't have them, so he is instructed every time to put them back, choose one and sit down and read it. If he doesn't read it, he doesn't get to hold it and at that age, he is old enough to understand that his behaviour is not acceptable and why. It drives me crazy when this kid is trying to carry around 20 books at the same time as playing grocery store for example...seriously! !! lol

I have also stopped telling them to share, because when they want something the other person has and they wont give it to them they always start whining" They're not sharing". Here is the thing, if they have only just started playing with it they don't need to share it. They actually need to just take it in turns. The 3 year olds were told for so long over and over to share when they were younger, that now they use the sharing as a demand for a toy which just goes to show that they do not understand the concept and true meaning of sharing, hence why I now tell them its kind to take it in turns and I guesstimate a 5 minute time period before someone has to hand it over and play with something else. Sometimes I just get them to swap toys too. They of course sulk at first and even now knowing the rules, these particular two occasionally still go off in a mood, but I find the key to reducing the frequency of this is consistency and also ignoring their response. I don't even redirect them when they are upset, because it is important for them to learn that to feel that way is okay and to understand that the other child is not doing anything wrong if they are playing with an item and don't have to always immediately hand it over just because the other demands that they share.

I don't think you should separate the child. Its discipline for his behaviour but isn't teaching him to deal with this kind of situation and ultimately get over it.

Hope some of my experience proves helpful in dealing with this.

Yes, I notice that too in playgroups or at the park, a lot of kids think of "sharing" as an entitlement. They'll say, "you have to share" - which really translates to, "give that to me, now."
Some moms unwittingly tell their kids to "share" (give in) when another kid demands for the toy.

I want to emphasize learning to have patience, and to wait for one's turn as much as the real spirit of sharing.