DCB moving on?

[torontokids]

Sorry, I have posted about this issue a bit in the last while. I am feeling pretty vulnerable though.

3 yo dcb made a comment about wanting to go to a different dc as he doesn't want to take a nap anymore (parents can't get him to nap but he naps with me). Now mom picked him up yesterday and commented about dcb being the only boy now (this was never an issue previously). When she dropped him off this morning he had a "Spiderman" toy in hand and mom made a comment "to balance out all the estrogen in here." Now dcb tells me today (more then once) that he doesn't like being the only boy and he wants a boy to play with. His best friend is my daughter and dcb has always preferred playing with her (even when there had been other boys).

When dcb made the initial comment re: wanting another dc I spoke with the mom asking if she was happy with the daycare and she said she was. I would almost sound super paranoid if I ask her about this again.

The comment the mom made about there being no boys actually kind of pissed me off if truth be told. What kind of msg does that give my daughter, that she's not "good enough?" What msg are we telling girls and boys in general, stick to your own kind? My daughter plays all the games he wants to play and he plays her games as well. I feel that the mom made this comment, spoke to her son about it and made it his issue when it was really just her issue...I'm stressed about this. What should I do?

[apples and bananas]

Sounds like the little guy has overheard mom say something to dad and is repeating. They're little sponges at that age.

I bet mom suggested to bring the spiderman toy because there are all girls there. And the boy is repeating.

You know.. in my mind.. if you're not happy here.. .move on! This is the way I run my house. It's all in the best interest of all children.

I'm the opposite. I have one girl and several boys. Mom always makes a joke about "keeping those boys in line today" before she leaves. They play great together! And I wouldn't have it any other way. I don't do my interviews based on gender.

[torontokids]

Would you do anything about this or just leave it be?

[momofnerds]

it happened here. Dcg was great with the littles (she was almost 4) and mom decided to send her to another dc. Her excuse was that I had too many little kids. Her dd loved coming here and playing with the kids, she got alot of attention too because she was the oldest.

so I just nodded my head and let them move on.

[sunnydays]

Personally, I wouldn't say or do anything. If they are not happy, they can give notice and leave. There is nothing you can do about this. Just keep on doing your job and the rest is their problem as long as they give adequate notice. I suppose you could casually mention here and there how much fun dcb and your daughter had playing cars oor some other sterotypically "boy" activity to reassure the mom...but I don't think I would want them as clients if they are that concerned about gender at such a young age.

[mimi]

Some parents are concerned about the gender numbers at daycare. I have had so many dcb/dcg playmates. I tell parents that at this age it is more about the play and very much less about the same gender playing together.
These parents need to smarten up and watch what they say in front of their child.
It is too bad that he is now unhappy since the parents have pointed out the gender disparity.
They should also realize their comments are making others (your daughter) feel less than. That pisses me off too.

[playfelt]

Sounds like the mom has had some issues in her head for awhile including the boy/girl ratio. She may have brought things up in front of the child based on his not wanting to nap issue and now the child sees the going to a different daycare as a way out of what he doesn't want (naps) and all the while mom is using her own ratio hangup to fuel the debate.

I would be actually calling them out on it as you need to get ads out for Sept and all it will take is one incident and that will be like the last straw. Parents and especially fathers get really upset about their sons and doing "girl" things and that may also be where some of the talk is coming from - meaning first time boy tells about his day of doll play or dressing up or pretending to dance like a ballerina - you are done anyways. Would be better to get the upper hand and replace on your schedule.

If nothing else it will give you and the mom a chance to talk about what is "really" going on. It may be that the child did overhear the parents talking about a new daycare but missed the part where mom says no I am happy with our current arrangement and don't want to change daycares.

[dodge__driver11]

Sorry if I sound harsh here, I don't mean too. But I never pick a family based on gender, as it is my thought that girls and boys must learn to get along regardless of how many girls and boys are in the group, and I say this right at interview too. If someone is going to pick another daycare in the area because I say this then so be it. I could really care less if ds plays ballerina or dino's...and neither does he.

[torontokids]

Thanks everyone. I just want to be clear, I don't interview based on sex either. I am looking for an older child for Sept but if a boy came and was a fit I think this would be better for my daycare and the group makeup (offer more balance as there is currently 5 girls and 1 boy).

So I emailed the parents (they don't communicate directly as they are recently divorced) and just gave an update as to how his week has gone so far after being off on vac. I was very factual e.g. "dcb starting saying today he wants boys to play with which came as a surprise to me as he has always preferred dd even when there have been other boys in the program. I reminded him about our park/library outings and all the other boys we see out in the community etc." The mom actually said that she doesn't think the boy thing is his issue, he just overheard us (meaning her) talking about his being the only boy...so that is good news. I got the answer I needed, found out her stance on it and she now knows not to mention it again as it causes problems for him...problem solved.

[torontokids]

FYI- mom has been questioning dcb about what he doesn't like about dc when he started making a big deal about coming in the mornings because he wanted to be with her. She has a hard time seeing that the issue isn't the daycare per say but everything else happening right now e.g their divorce, the time he has to spend away from each parent (shared custody) and this was happening the week they sold their house (and the last thing that tied his parents together as a family aside from the kids).