Making kids say sorry?

[sunnydays]

Just like saying please. Just because you say please doesn't mean you get what you want. And yet we start early to teach kids to say please and thank you and they associate it with getting what they want. You want a drink, say please, You want the book say please. Child says cookie please and you say no. Child gets confused and stops saying please and then we get upset with them. I know we want to raise nice polite children but we have to be very careful about how we go about it and stop putting adult words and behaviours onto them. I still say please and thank you when it is appropriate but don't expect them to do it.

I do feel it's important to teach manners and respect, so I do teach them to say please and thank you. It may be confusing, but I feel the more quickly they begin to use these manners, the faster they will sort out the cultural intricacies involved. I have a 21 month old in my care who is one of the most polite children I know...always says please and spontaniously thanks his friends for giving him toys etc. His parents have taught him this and I reinforce it and I think it's great. They do find out that "please" does not guarantee a "yes", but no "please" guarantees that they won't get it. It's all part of socialization in my opinion. I don't think of them as rude if they don't say it...they are just learning still and require lots of reminders.

[Momof4]

I agree! I am not such a please/thank you nazi. I mention it occasionally that the children should say please or thank you to me because I'm doing something really nice for them and I would like to hear it. Then they realized that it's special. It's like the "I love you". If they say it all the time you don't believe it, but if they say it once in a while spontaneously you know they mean it!

[cfred]

I'm a please and thank you nazi. But I try to make a game out of it. We're learning 'please' in different languages! My 18 mo boy recently went to Italy and came back saying grazie. OMG.....out of that little mouth, it's about the cutest thing I've ever heard! Now we're all doing it. Next week, Mandarin - xian xian (sounds like shen shen), then Spanish, French, German. Awesome New Guy taught me the Dutch word, but after 2 glasses of wine tonight, I've forgotten entirely. It makes it fun for me and the kids alike, and they really try so I figure, job well done! I've not sorted all the forms of 'thank you' as yet, but will.

[mimi]

cfred, thank you in Dutch is dank je or dank u (more formal).