Would you term this child?

[Other Mummy]

Just curious as to how any of you might handle this.

I have a 3.5 yr old dcb since he was 20 months. He has always been a challenge. From day one. I have worked with several issues with the parents to curb certain behaviours. Mom is on board, dad is very lenient. Wants to be dcb's best friend.

As of late (the last 5 months). DCB will bite once or twice a week. Sometimes no bites at all for weeks on end. Then Bang...he will bite another child over a toy, frustration over space, etc.

I have talked to dcb's dad last week about this. I suggested he take a more proactive role as far as disciplining this behavior. Take away a toy, no tv for the night, etc. He feels that is to harsh and that with so many hours that have passed in the day since the biting (during daycare) that it would not help to take away privlidges in the evening.

This dcb is very intelligent. He knows right from wrong. He just does not care. Last week he bit a child for not playing the right way

I cannot even shadow him because it is inconsistent, it is not a "phase" he is going through. He might bite twice in one day or not for weeks.

BTW...mostly it is one little dcb he targets. I've let the dcp's know that I'm not putting up with this anymore. Zero policy. If he bites they come and get him. asap. I'm sure after a few times of this it will get old pretty fast and they will start to change their tune.

I'm thinking of terming anyway. It seems like a lost cause.

[apples and bananas]

I might give notice at this point. I would draw up a letter advising them that biting is not tolerated in your daycare. You have to consider the safety of all children. If the child bites again the parents will need to pick up immediately. And if it continues to be an issue then the child will be terminated from care.

what they do at home and how they discipline is beyond your control. So, control what you can. If he bites, he goes home. If the parents refuse to come get him, term immediately.

At 3.5 he knows he shouldn't be biting and he has other ways of expressing himself other then physical.

[Bookworm]

I would terminate. The parents are not on board and it will not get better. I went through this exact scenario before with a set of siblings. Same thing, would not do it for weeks/months at a time, then go through a biting frenzy for a week or so, then it would stop. Nothing I did worked in the long run. I eventually terminated them, and felt soo much better once I did.

[Cadillac]

Honestly, I would give notice. He's not learning and this one little child is getting hurt. I would assume that childs mom is upset and may leave if this continues. Who would you rather keep? the biter or the bitten? It's not fair to the other families. You have to look out for the good of the group.

I've had to term a 3.5 year old due to bullying. it was hard because I loved this child and the family, but my setting wasn't working for she anymore and the other kids were paying for it.

It was messy to term them but in the end my group became much happier, and the parents really appreciated that I took noice and then took charge when things didn't change

[Busy ECE mommy]

Terminate. This is not a toddler, and assuming his language skills are developed, and he is not developmentally delayed, then this is extremely inappropriate and dangerous behaviour. If you can't get full parental support to ensure consistency, then it's time to go. I'm sure your other clients must be growing angry with these incidents as well. In the licensed centre I worked in, biting, especially any broken skin, was a serious occurence, meaning that the supervisor and area manager and possibly the ministry might become involved in the case. Don't take it lightly.

[playfelt]

Given the child's age he is old enough to know better and I agree a letter drawn up which states that the next time he bites the parents will be required to come and get him immediately and that he will be terminated on the spot.

Personally I would replace him anyways and not wait for another incident because if you don't then you will soon have the other parents in your daycare looking for another place instead. He is a liability.

I agree to a certain extent with the father in that I always hated it with child with learning disabilities to find out there had been an incident at school I was expected to punish for at home. Behaviours like biting, hitting, etc are in the heat of the moment and should be dealt with then. Child doesn't show the behaviours at home most likely since they are not being challenged by the other kids.

An option for at daycare is to simply institute a waiting chair which child must sit on when you need to leave the room or be busy and he just sits there till you return. Remind him it is because he forgets the rules when alone. Won't really teach him anything but will protect the other kids.

Will child start school this year or not? If yes then let him go in favour of a full time child and if not I probably would look to replace him anyways. If he was 2 and doing this it is one thing but at 3 1/2 he could really do damage on an infant or toddler if he bit and drew blood.

[Momof4]

I have to agree with the others. I have a 17 month old who has been biting for a few months and I talked to the parents. This little girl has bitten 2 of the other dckids so I had to really stress the importance that it stops NOW. The little girl was doing it now and then at home too so the Mom decided one day when she did it to bit her back. Sounds horrible, I know, but this little girl was leaving teethprints in other people that could be made into a mould for dental work, it was that deep, but didn't break skin. Left horrible bruising for days though. Her Mom didn't bite her half that hard, just hard enough for her to realize that it hurt! I think it worked, she hasn't bitten anybody for 2 weeks, so far so good.

My point is that this little girl isn't even 1 1/2 yet and the parents took me seriously and helped right away.

[Judy Trickett]

He's 3.5 years old. He KNOWS better. He understands perfectly well that it is NOT OKAY to bite. Terminate him. Today.

[cfred]

Momof4 - believe it or not, biting the biter to teach them that it hurts was actually practiced by ECE once upon a time. My professors (the older ones) said they were taught to do this when they went to school. Wow! I was amazed. It makes a lot of sense that it could be somewhat effective, but not sure I could ever implement that. Just thought that was an interesting little bit of ECE trivia for ya

So far as the biting behaviour, it's tough and by 3.5, he should be old enough to know better. I had a couple biters here (though substantially younger - 2 and 1.5). I researched it as I didn't want to let any clients go. To me, it just felt like I'd be offloading the problem onto someone else as opposed to trying to figure it out. All the articles I read said that typically, it's a rush of emotion so strong they just do it not knowing what else to do. Biting seems the best way to get someone off your back. Sooooo....being a huge fan of circle time, my kids are most receptive to learning about this kind of thing at that time. I changed our theme to 'Feelings' and had a few circles surrounding that. There's a book called "The Way I Feel". Very basic and each page talks briefly, in rhyme, about a different feeling. I implement a different action for happy, angry, sad, scared, etc and talk about different things that might make us feel this way. We also talk about how someone looks with the different feelings - how can we tell someone is happy (big smile), etc. During the angry part, I get the kids to roar and stomp their feet. I say that sometimes we feel soooo angry we feel like we want to hit or bite someone, but we must never ever do that. It makes our friends sad, makes me sad and makes you sad. Then we talk about using words and assure them that if they do that, I'll help them fix the problem. I have to say, it's worked great!!! We had a couple more incidents, but they've cleared up now. When I hear the little guy saying 'No baby Zoe, no baby Zoe', I know to run and intervene before the bite has a chance to happen, then shower the little guy with praise for using his words like a big boy and show him my 'Happy Face'. It seems like a lot of effort, but I feel it's really gone well and he seems to be getting it. This way, you don't really need to rely on the parents being on board. It's more of a positive experience and he feels proud that he's made me happy as well as seeing that I meant it when I said I'd help him. It perpetuates itself.

Don't know if that's of any use to you, but I found it really helped. My preference is always to work through an issue, rather than terming. In my experience, kids are generally good at heart and want to make us happy. I try to use that to my advantage and to the benefit of the group.

Good luck with whatever you decide

[Momof4]

Momof4 - believe it or not, biting the biter to teach them that it hurts was actually practiced by ECE once upon a time. My professors (the older ones) said they were taught to do this when they went to school. Wow! I was amazed. It makes a lot of sense that it could be somewhat effective, but not sure I could ever implement that. Just thought that was an interesting little bit of ECE trivia for ya

Ha, there is no way I would ever do that! I'm glad the Mom did it though.