Play date etiquette

[Skysue]

I'm starting to think that my DD's BFF's family dislikes me. My 5-year-old DD plays with her BFF often and to be nice she plays more at their house due to me doing daycare.

I usually send a snack for all the kids there, as I know the older sister gets to have a friend over as well. I usually send granola bars; home made cookies, animal crackers etc. and they always come back, except for the home made cookies! LOL

A few weeks ago I sent fresh fruit, watermelon and raspberries. The plastic container came back with full fruit and dirt added in from the ground. My DD said that the container blew over and it knocked on the ground. I was somewhat shocked that it didn't get rinsed to say the least. So I over looked it as a rain storm had blown in and maybe the Mom didn’t have time to rinse it etc…

Well today she went for a lunch playdate so I sent a package of Maria cookies and told her to tell them that it’s for there house hold as I know the girls love those cookies. Well they came back and my daughters BFF made a rude comment on why do you always have to send stuff? I simply said that it’s to say thank you for having DD play with you and I sent them as a gift as I know they are your favorite.

I suppose I’m a jerk for sending stuff. It’s not like I’m sending high fat or unhealthy foods.

I started doing it due to another neighbor telling my DD to make sure she comes with her own snack as she wont be feeding her.

[apples and bananas]

If I send something to a friends house I do something home made. I think that it might offend me if my kids friends brought pre packaged food to the house. I personally would question if they were concerned about what I'm feeding the kids.

Maybe a quick conversation with mom would clear this up. You may have offended her. Maybe sending the "healthy" snacks makes her think you're judging her for not feeding healthy food.

[JennJubie]

I agree, it could just be a misunderstanding. Call Mom and explain to her that you send the snacks out of appreciation. Just tell her what you said here, seeing as how you can't have their kids over as much because of daycare, you're trying to help with the snacks.

[playfelt]

Depends too on the time your daughter is over there. It is possible the mother doesn't allow a lot of eating of any type between meals so expects her daughter to wait as well. Serving snack is work if it means get them up the table, washed up etc. and especially if you don't want them wherever you have sent them to play ie girl's bedroom, livingroom where tv is, etc.

I would talk to the mom based on the fact the child said something to you means the mom has said something the child has at least overheard. Ask your own child if they have other food for snack while she is there or do they not eat.

[mimi]

Good grief, you sending a snack for everyone is a kind gesture and if I was the recipient I would certainly appreciate your efforts. Even if you send a pack of cookies (and Maria cookies are not the over sugared ones) one day and then fresh fruit another who cares.

I wouldn't take it personal. Send another batch of goodies and if it comes back then don't send it anymore. If the other Mom has a problem with your generosity, then it is HER problem. Don't sweat the small stuff.

[Momof4]

I think you are being very kind too, but people are strange. Definitely talk to the Mom and ask if you are offending her by sending food when you meant it to be a gesture of thanks. There's nothing like keeping open communication. Why bother wondering and stressing when you can ask the question?

[Skysue]

Thanks ladies hearing different perpectives really helps!