Moderating the forum

[momofnerds]

well, hmmm, first, I think judys good bye was uncalled for and it was posted to stir the pot. Because really all she had to say was that she was leaving, but instead started to point fingers and babbled about advertising and such. Really if you were so unhappy or didn't like the way it was run, a message to the mod would havebeen great and could have solved the problem.

second, leave mom of 4 alone, she's not the only mod. She's the only mod that I have seen even ever do anything about the posts. I'm yet to see anyone else (is there anyone else) she doesn't sit at the computer all just like the rest of us and she's human. If you didn't like what she did, then go send a message to the director otherwise get off her case, geez

third, there are some of you (yes providers) that are mean and are bullies. I even had one that no matter what i posted she would stalk me, she just didn't get it that I don't live in her area and no where near her but it was her way or no way! you can pick them out in this post and in other posts who rule the roast, they are mean in the way they post. I think thats why providers don't want to post because asking a simple question will turn into a huge debate, something that is uncalled for.

and fourth, if you don't like it here you can leave, walk away, turn off the computer, take a break.

[FSD]

I have to agree....I'm new this year to this forum and it's been invaluable to me as I'm a newbie in this business. But I was really shocked by some of the comments made by the providers.

Can't we just all get along and support each other?

[Fun&care]

Really this has all been blown out of proportion. Anyone with basic human manners can go back and read some recent posts and realize that some of them were condescending and disrespectful. I don't think it's too much to ask to be respectful. It's not about your beliefs or parenting styles, it's about voicing your opinion in a professional, respectful, adult manner. Making someone feel inadequate and belittled doesn't help anyone.

[ladyjbug]

So...I’ve refrained from commenting on this thread for a whole day. You still haven`t answered my question about why you treat providers and parents differently. My post is right there on the first page. It lists several reasons why I think this tactic of yours is contributing to the atmosphere of negativity in here. I am really actually curious about your answers to those now, and you seem to be studiously avoiding that main question for some reason. I’ve asked it numerous times and you have ignored it numerous times.

The thing is, I don’t think you can answer that question without admitting that you have a strong bias towards certain posters, i.e. parents. You have alluded to it in some posts, most recently the aggressive kid post. Since the very definition of moderate is to be IN THE MIDDLE, not biased towards either side, then you are technically not doing your job by censoring those who may have a different opinion than you, as you originally did with this post and closing the two threads this week.

I get that you’re human, you miss things. You have a life. That’s fair. However, this is a very big forum now with lots of posters. A lot of threads and posts tend to get out of hand. In a forum like this, you need a STRONG moderator team to manage things, and that team needs to be without bias to keep it from getting into an US versus THEM atmosphere, something that you also alluded to in the aggressive child thread. Everyone deserves the right to be heard, and not every poster that has a different opinion should be lumped into the category of “mean” and a “bully”. I don’t lump everyone together. I admit that some people work best with a pat on the shoulder and a sympathetic ear, and some do better with straight forward calling a spade a spade. I said that in my first post on this thread. I value all opinions, even if I disagree.

I think personally, you are in over your head. You have said yourself that you don’t nearly have enough time or energy to monitor this forum the way it should be monitored, and that contributes to the negative energy in here. Someone else should share the load with you since admin is not doing anything really. We should have at least one more moderator, preferably two, to share the workload and monitor the posts before they get out of hand.

I disagree with the posters that have said basically “If you don’t like it, then leave” essentially. First of all, the OP did leave. I haven’t seen Judy back to this thread or this forum. She's done. The rest of us who happen to agree with the reason she did it doesn’t make us mean or bullies for trying to discuss and realize how it can get to this point that a seasoned provider with lots of advice would not want to even try to participate on this forum anymore. I think it is a huge loss. I am discussing rational solutions here, and reasons why both sides feel the way they do. I want to make this a better place for all. Don’t you? Are you really saying if I don’t agree with you, I should just leave? That’s not constructive. How are you going to learn anything if you are always presented with people that agree with you? I personally learn the most from the people I disagree with because I either become stronger in my convictions or learn to consider a new perspective. I think it serves no purpose to ask those of us who happen to agree that there is a huge disconnect here to leave as you would also lose a huge part of the forum that makes it interesting.

I didn't use the N-word in any of my posts, so you are spared from lecturing me and grasping at that diversionary tactic as a last-ditch measure. Please just answer my questions honestly and consider my opinion and why you are avoiding it in the first place. Thank you.

[Artsand crafts]

How are you going to learn anything if you are always presented with people that agree with you? I personally learn the most from the people I disagree with because I either become stronger in my convictions or learn to consider a new perspective. I think it serves no purpose to ask those of us who happen to agree that there is a huge disconnect here to leave as you would also lose a huge part of the forum that makes it interesting.

This is what I don't understand either...

[mamaof4]

Ladyjbug- I did not say you used that word, nor did I say I did not have nearly enough time-- etc- those are your words. Please do not put words in my mouth. If you want more mods- please feel free to suggest it. But unfortunately or fortunately a forum is not a democracy. It is an internet message board.

You do not have to agree with everyone- but you have to disagree nicely. I disagree with lots of people often, but I do my best not to attack them or make them feel belittled.

Now to address the board as a whole (all yous are plural and not to single anyone out):

This forum is not just for daycare providers, it is a public internet forum--- anyone can join. You do not have to be a parent or a provider- which is part of the reason why we had a lot of trouble with spammers.

I do not feel like I treat groups of people differently- we may just have to agree to disagree on that one. When a provider feels ganged up on and she contacts me I deal with it. If a thread is getting out of hand I deal with it- maybe you don't like it-- maybe you saw nothing wrong with it-- that is fine- you are welcome to your opinion. I have been contacted by providers and by parents alike. I have had parents and providers ask that I lock or remove threads started by them. I do it.

Behaving respectfully is more than not calling each other names or being outright rude, it is not making someone feel belittled or badly.

[torontokids]

I don't think anyone has said we don't want differing view points. I agree, this is how we learn. I think what is being said is that there are many ways to say something and some posters had been rude and snarky towards someone asking a simple question. I think a lot of what had been said/"suggested" by these posters could be relevant to this parent but no one is going to hear these suggestions when they are presented as they were (essentially calling her incompetent). Also, people on here made a lot of assumptions based on a little bit of information given.

[Skysue]

Ladies can we all agree to clean the slate from this moment forward. Let's work together to be the forum that we all want it to be. Professional, encouraging, constructive and loving! Let's be like the daycares we run!

I miss the fun posts about craft ideas, cool room set ups, menu ideas etc. and having someone give a hug when we need as we all know what this business can be like!

I certainly hope I haven't been a negative force in anyone’s day! I know I can be opinioned and stubborn, as I love a good debate but I truly hope I have been respectful!

I do feel that when crazy parents are attacking our character and calling us names then that post should be considered SPAM and removed right away!

SPAM: Spaced out abusive Mothers! LOL

[cfred]

What you call a spade might not be what someone else might call a spade. Of course everyone is entitled to their opinions, but unless asked for them, maybe keep it to yourself. That parent asked a very simple question and was subject to what I would consider a vicious attack on her parenting skills. It was completely and utterly inappropriate, uncalled for and frankly, unprofessional. If any of us spoke to a client in that form, we could all expect to be fired immediately and have a bad reputation following us around. The anonymity in this forum, at times, seems to breed contempt.

The advice, knowledge and support on this forum are is rampant, something I think most of us (myself included) are incredibly grateful for. This is an often unappreciated and isolating job. Having peers to talk to is a wonderful thing It's those connections I make on here which I value highly. However.....I do see many providers taking a negative turn. What dismays me is the plethora of threads, comments, posts from people who feel that the parents are out to get them, are unappreciative and who don't value them. I don't have any doubt that there are loads of clients out there like this and I've had a few myself, unfortunately. But it seems that the overwhelming aura in here is often that it is to be expected and even anticipated. It's sad....not pathetic or anything derogatory....just sad. I love my job and I love my clients and yes, I love my daycare children. We have to take the good with the bad and let the unpleasant experiences roll off our backs and come back to our roots which is why we love this profession to begin with. Posts, such as some of these and the ones Mamaof4 is being crucified for cutting short are the epitome of why many people don't take us seriously. A simple question was asked and a mother was treated very poorly. Thank you Mamaof4 for taking care of that for the parents, the forum and for us. I haven't found parents being treated differently than us. The fact is there aren't many parents who come in here. And given recent activity, who can blame them? It's like sticking your arm in an alligator's mouth and hoping it doesn't bite.

We can expect to receive from others what we bring to the table ourselves. Will we get burned every once in a while? Sure. That's true for anything in life. But in my experience, what I put out to my clients is what I reap in return. Last night, I sent 3 of my families home with a home cooked Thai dinner which I had made scads too much of. Were they grateful? Yep. Every morning, one client brings me a coffee and I send her with a fresh baked muffin. Nice? You bet! Do clients come right into my home freely and play with their children and talk to me. For sure! And my clients make me feel, every day, that I'm a valued member of their 'peripheral family', which is the gravy on top of all the other reasons I love this job so much. The silliness going on now is the very reason I decided to never work in a daycare centre again.....office politics and back biting. I'm very sad to see this in a place where we should all feel safe, supported, SUPPORTIVE and, most of all, respectful to ourselves, our peers and our clients (who afford us this wonderful option of working at home).

Just my 2 cents......

[playfelt]

What comes across to me is three kinds of providers and because everyone answers from their experience we get differing opinions but everyone thinks they are right and in their minds they are. Seasoned providers have seen more, tried more, done more, and are better able to see through the rhetoric. Newbies come to the forum still seeing daycare through rose coloured glasses or come to the forum because the glasses are off and they are disillusioned. The group in the middle is learning and learning fast but still has a lot of different scenerios to experience before they will be able to fully understand.

I am going to refer to the thread on the parent with the 2 year old. The question asked in words was how long to transition. The seasoned answer - it isn't ever going to happen. We got into trouble for explaining why not.

Note the thread topic title parent used - my child is about to get kicked out after day 2 for negative behaviour. Then question was really how long should the caregiver give child to start behaving. You can interpret the question many ways. Responses from those new to caregiving will be along the lines of well I work with all families and try to do what is best for the child and they rhyme off some vague hope of it all working out. The reality is those that have seen this kind of thing over and over know that over and over again it just doesn't work out.

Did the parent ask for advice well that is up for debate. They sure got some yes and it wasn't easy to hear I'm sure but sometimes things just need to be said. We are daycare providers not miracle workers. We do the best with the kids the parents send us but sometimes we have to call a parent out and say ok enough is enough either get your kid up to speed or stay home and do the care yourself because no one wants to be around your child that bites, hits, has tantrums, makes us late for outings or spoils our walks in the woods, whatever.