Moderating the forum

[cfred]

Well, having been in the business for 20 years, I'd hardly refer to myself as a newbie. Rose coloured glasses? Perhaps. Personally, I don't believe there's a situation that can't be sorted out with some intensive work and effort. These are young children....very young in many cases, and as is the case with the 2 year old being discussed. I do not believe for one second that the situation cannot be salvaged. This is based on my experiences as a head teacher in 3 classrooms in formal daycare settings, work as a resource teacher, nanny, 12 years running my own home daycare and my education. What may differ, however, is the willingness to put in varying degrees of work from different providers. Me...I'm a down with the ship type of person. I'll work at it until it's sorted out. And so far, even my most difficult children have always come along. It is completely doable, but sometimes requires more effort than many are willing to put in. To immediately say that the child will never fit in is inaccurate and short sighted. Every client coming into my home is told that their child will be afforded the luxury of transitioning in at whatever rate they require....EVERY child. I currently have one little guy who won't sleep or eat. The eating part (after much grief) has begun eating on his own and is adapting well. His sleeping sucks....really sucks! And sure, I miss my breaks like you wouldn't believe. However, when I discuss this with his mom, I see the look of panic on her face. She's even texted me asking if I'm ok and do I need to back out. The answer is no. She is a wonderful client and he is a wonderful boy. Yep, lots of work to be done. It's stressful and difficult and more than I'd like to do. But speaking as a professional, that's my job. That's what I get paid for. Not everyone wants to approach daycare this way; fair enough. But it cannot be said with any authority or accuracy that the situation is not rectifiable. That simply isn't true. It only isn't rectifiable if no one is willing to do the work to rectify it. The fact is that he is a toddler. Toddlers want to, by nature, make the adults in their lives happy. The trick is to bond with the child in such a way that they respect you, love you and trust you. Once this is established, there are many, many teaching opportunities that will arise during which the child can be taught how to get along in a way that really gets through to him. And this certainly doesn't make his mother an inept parent. Just like us, kids have different personalities, needs.

[momofnerds]

so I went back and read that thread over again. I found that everyone gave her an opinion, but its acually the parent who started the whole issue and from then on it escalated. She said that she doesn't keep her kid caged up. I went thru every response and I couldn't find someone saying it.

sometimes I wonder those who post don't want to hear a answer, they want to only hear that they are right. Go back and read that post, no one said anything mean or nasty on that thread about keeping her kid caged up, it was acually the parent. The parent blew the whole thread out of porportion and now it got us nowhere.

[playfelt]

Trying to get a group of toddlers to the play area while one child insists in a tantrum fashion to stay on the escalator is not the time to "work on it". That is why each provider has their own way of doing things and know which children will fit into the type of program they offer and which would be better off with a provider that has a different type of program and that is why the provider was honest and told the parent that if what happened on day one happens again it will mean the child is not ready (difference here is had the child started at a year old like the other children they would have had time to learn the process).

Many times on this board providers suggest terminating a child because they are not adapting. Parents of course don't understand exactly what it is like to work with a group of mixed ages instead of just one or two.

[Artsand crafts]

so I went back and read that thread over again. I found that everyone gave her an opinion, but its acually the parent who started the whole issue and from then on it escalated. She said that she doesn't keep her kid caged up. I went thru every response and I couldn't find someone saying it.

sometimes I wonder those who post don't want to hear a answer, they want to only hear that they are right. Go back and read that post, no one said anything mean or nasty on that thread about keeping her kid caged up, it was acually the parent. The parent blew the whole thread out of porportion and now it got us nowhere.

I just went back to read it too. She even got very good practical advice from playfelt to try to make it work in group care.

[daycarewhisperer]

I am going to have to agree with Judy here, big time.

I really don't understand the tone of the moderators here.

I am a rational person. I realize that not everyone here is out to get everyone else. I realize that some actually do have a more optimistic response to things than others and it works for them. I get that. I do not sugar coat my answers because I believe a straight-forward answer helps me out the most, so that is the way I tend to help others. I think those opinions are just as appropriate and valuable to answering a query than a sympathetic ear. That is not "harsh", it is just my own truth I am speaking. I hope it helps the people I tell it to.

The fact is, this is a forum that mainly was SUPPOSED to be for daycare providers, a place for support, for ideas, and to occasionally vent. At least, that is what the forum headings tell me. There is only one small subforum for parents, and several more out there on the world wide web if they want to complain about their provider. But anyone with any sort of common sense would know that if you wanted a provider's opinion, this is where we hang out. We should be able to ask questions. We should be able to get answers. We should be able to debate and disagree, and people coming to that forum should be able to handle that without hurt feelings.

Some of the parents that come here have legitimate questions and they are dealt with sympathetically and rationally and that parent is usually grateful and goes on their way. However, if we read a post that complains about a daycare, NAMES them, or makes a giddy "mission accomplished" post after she posts slanderous material, why is it disrespectful to call that into question? Why were posters like darasmommy allowed such leniency for so many months to criticize us and say terrible things before you finally banned them? Why is it okay for a parent to say she is taking a daycare to court for Human Rights abuses and she is still continuing to bring her child there? Why can we not truthfully examine the true causes of aggressive behavior at daycare? Why not? Aren't these things that we should be examining as providers that care to do their job correctly? Didn't these posters bring these topics to us providers themselves TO analyze?

Now, I do realize that some posts from providers ARE rude. I personally have taken issue with daycarewhisperer's posts as of late. Her homophobic rant on the transgender thread made me want to puke. So if that was the post that made you close it, I get that. However, do NOT paint us all with the same brush. Do not post a generic, passive aggressive "be kind, ladies!", because that is exactly what you are doing and it is infuriating. It does nothing to diffuse the situation. Call the troublemaker out. We are here to give our opinions that are sometimes not popular, but they are still valid and it is terrible to read a condescending post like that when you have spent a lot of time trying to analyze a poster's situation and HELP them.

The other problem with asking US to act respectfully, is you do NOT ask the few parents that are posting nonsensically to act respectfully. You tell us to use our ignore button. YOU, mamaof4 are creating the US versus THEM atmosphere by treating us differently, and I think we are right to take offense. Some posts have called us mean and hateful and that we shouldn't be in business. Some post have made claims about their providers that could have ended their business. When some prodding happened a lot of these claims turned out to be false or made out of spite. Those posts HARM providers. And you have posted many times in favor of the parents doing this and that we should "be kind" while they do this. A parent will not lose their livelihood over a complaint, but a provider might. If that provider is not around to defend themselves, why is it bad that we check out all angles in a provider forum to see if it is actually the truth before ultimately ruining someone's career or harming their business?

I'm going to post this before you put in your final word and close the thread, because that appears to be your current go-to. I'd love to keep this discussion open if possible. I think this place has great potential, but we need to be treated equally. For now, I am mostly disappointed with the way things have been handled and I am sorry to see Judy go, but I don't blame her. Honestly.

My "homophobic rant" closed the thread?. Hmmm. Transgender is not the same as homosexual first. Secondly I said I would NOT call a boy a girl or a girl a boy. I would not refer to a boy as a she or her. I would not refer to a girl as a he or him.

“I" don't want to do that. “I" won't be forced to play pretend.

That has nothing to do with my opinion on homosexuality. Accusing me of that is a bully move. I won't be undone because the TRUTH is the TRUTH. I believe in saying the truth and not engaging in pretend.

[ladyjbug]

Well, you're late to the party, aren't you? Fine, your comparison of a transgender child to someone with a delusional mental illness who thinks that they are Jesus made me want to puke. Better? Still does not negate either of my points that I actually agree with mamaof4 for shutting down the thread for that reason (if that is the reason she did it), and also not wanting to be lumped in with someone who feels the way you do.

[daycarewhisperer]

Well, you're late to the party, aren't you? Fine, your comparison of a transgender child to someone with a delusional mental illness who thinks that they are Jesus made me want to puke. Better? Still does not negate either of my points that I actually agree with mamaof4 for shutting down the thread for that reason (if that is the reason she did it), and also not wanting to be lumped in with someone who feels the way you do.

Yes I'm late. I don't normally check this section of the board. I didn't see this until days end.

My analogy made you want to puke. The parents continuing to put her kid in an environment where the adults refused to pretend and lie makes me want to puke. If the parent knew the adults refused to pretend and lie and that is causing the child to have two emergency room visits you would THINK the parent would remove immediately and make sure their daughters minute to minute was filled with adults who would agree, pretend, and lie.

This is a child care board. As a child care provider I would rather be sued to the point where I lost everything I have worked my whole life for and be banned from ever being alone under a roof with a minor child then do ONE DAY where I was forced to pretend and lie to keep my business. I wouldn't refer to a patient who believed he was Jesus as Jesus 30 years ago and I won't call a girl a boy today.

I would call a girl who FEELS like a boy “a girl who FEELS like a boy". I would gladly welcome that child dressing as they please each and every day. I would supply the toys of their choice. I would give the educational foundation that was appropriate for his or her age.... but I would not call the child the opposite sex or refer to him or her in opposite sex pronouns. I would rather be sued off the face of child care.

[Skysue]

This whole topic is so hard for any of us to even grasp. Until we walk a day in the shoes of parents living it.

On the flip side though I think we can all agree 150% that allowing our child to be in an environment that is harmful or hurtful to there well being knowingly is neglect on the parents part period.

Not one of us would do it, what self respecting parent would? That I think is the issue that a lot of people couldn't grasp.

[ladyjbug]

My analogy made you want to puke. The parents continuing to put her kid in an environment where the adults refused to pretend and lie makes me want to puke. If the parent knew the adults refused to pretend and lie and that is causing the child to have two emergency room visits you would THINK the parent would remove immediately and make sure their daughters minute to minute was filled with adults who would agree, pretend, and lie.

This is a child care board. As a child care provider I would rather be sued to the point where I lost everything I have worked my whole life for and be banned from ever being alone under a roof with a minor child then do ONE DAY where I was forced to pretend and lie to keep my business. I wouldn't refer to a patient who believed he was Jesus as Jesus 30 years ago and I won't call a girl a boy today.
.

Many people (I was one of them) were able to call the parent poster out for bringing her child back to this care situation knowingly without comparing her transgender child to someone mentally delusional. I stand by my points.

I am also 100% sure that one of your posts is missing from the aggressive child thread. The one where you have suggested that the child was locked at home and kept in a crate in response to her saying he wasn't socialized? I was also shocked by that one, and I know for a fact you wrote those words. That was the post which made the parent react the way she did in her response. I don't know where it went, if you removed it, or if the mods did, but isn't it funny the way the rest of the posts are rational and wonderful advice and the parent looks irrational for reacting to your post? Funny how the removal of just that one post changed the way the forum looked at the post and the way the parent poster is viewed.

This is why I don't want to be lumped in together, mamaof4. If there is a troublemaker causing a post to go out of hand, deal with the troublemaker and don't call us all out. That's all I'm saying. I think it's a reasonable request going forward.

Well, I'm done with this thread. Have a nice day.

[happymomma]

Many people (I was one of them) were able to call the parent poster out for bringing her child back to this care situation knowingly without comparing her transgender child to someone mentally delusional. I stand by my points.

I am also 100% sure that one of your posts is missing from the aggressive child thread. The one where you have suggested that the child was locked at home and kept in a crate in response to her saying he wasn't socialized? I was also shocked by that one, and I know for a fact you wrote those words. That was the post which made the parent react the way she did in her response. I don't know where it went, if you removed it, or if the mods did, but isn't it funny the way the rest of the posts are rational and wonderful advice and the parent looks irrational for reacting to your post? Funny how the removal of just that one post changed the way the forum looked at the post and the way the parent poster is viewed.

This is why I don't want to be lumped in together, mamaof4. If there is a troublemaker causing a post to go out of hand, deal with the troublemaker and don't call us all out. That's all I'm saying. I think it's a reasonable request going forward.

Well, I'm done with this thread. Have a nice day.

I just wanted to say that I have been following all this craziness myself and I also remember this deleted post ladyjbug is referring to 100%. It was ridiculous.