Moderating the forum

[mamaof4]

I think this discussion can be great for the board as a whole, as long as we remember to be open minded etc.

I do believe that closing threads/removing posts is sometimes necessary. Often I close/remove threads at the request of the poster or someone who was offended by it. Sometimes if a thread is getting contentious I close it until I can get to it to read through it more carefully later -- IE when I was at the doctor earlier this week and I couldn't get to read through everything at once.

[Momof4]

Wow, look what happens when I leave the country for 2 weeks! Hmmmm, what a read! I know for a fact that Judy is a passionate supporter of all quality, dedicated, no-nonsense, clear thinking caregivers. She has no tolerance for the caregivers who will let clients walk all over them without researching and taking good advice and I'm so glad because she saved me in my first year of business. She helped me grow a backbone, make a great contract, fair policies, rates and then I developed my own routines and adapted all of her good advice to fit my circumstances. She also saved me from the "unicorn" provider who steered me in the wrong direction and almost put me out of business in my first year, that was a close one! Thank goodness I realized who actually knew what she was talking about and who was blowing rainbows out of her butt!

That's why I joined the forum on daycarebear and have been a very regular poster. I want to pay it forward and help others with the knowledge that I've acquired over the years. But I haven't been posting as much lately. I have to agree with Judy wholeheartedly and don't think that posts by caregivers or parents should be deleted unless they are blatantly abusive and bullying. There have been some of those posts/threads over the past year that made me very angry and some of them were mentioned in this thread. However, I too believe that we are here to support each other and should never judge or ridicule another caregiver.

[Skysue]

I never realised that mama4 and momof4 were different people before. OMG have I ever been confused! Explains a lot! LoL

[betsy]

Where can Judy be reached? Does she have a blog site? Can anyone give it please?

[giraffe]

She has a link to her blog on the bottom of her posts

[betsy]

Imho, there shouldn't be any banning at all in all adult forums, unless in serious situations such as stalking and threatening another member, etc. But if it's just for expression of opinion(s), we should be adult enough to handle situations like those - what more when we're used to dealing with children - do we need to be babysat, as well?

Even with strange personalities like Darasmommy - I wouldn't have banned her. A successful forum thrives in free expression. A "sanitized" forum will only result in being stale, and censorship eventually will kill it.

There is such a style called satirical writing - anyway, philosophically speaking, it's almost impossible to practice fairness if we uphold a group's taste over others! Yes, what is disrespectful to others may not be to some. But if you bow down to the dictates of this group, then you (and the offended group) end up censoring and dictating what the rest of us should and shouldn't read. I'm not trying to be divisive....I'm just trying to state a point.

I think we should all be treated like adults. Children - or those who behave like children (like Darasmommy) will be treated as such by those who'd want to engage them. There is always that "ignore" button. If someone's style is not to our liking, then she is just a click away from being gone. Use the finger.....I didn't mean in that rude way!
The ignore button!

[jammiesandtea]

Imho, there shouldn't be any banning at all in all adult forums, unless in serious situations such as stalking and threatening another member, etc. But if it's just for expression of opinion(s), we should be adult enough to handle situations like those - what more when we're used to dealing with children - do we need to be babysat, as well?

Even with strange personalities like Darasmommy - I wouldn't have banned her. A successful forum thrives in free expression. A "sanitized" forum will only result in being stale, and censorship eventually will kill it.

There is such a style called satirical writing - anyway, philosophically speaking, it's almost impossible to practice fairness if we uphold a group's taste over others! Yes, what is disrespectful to others may not be to some. But if you bow down to the dictates of this group, then you (and the offended group) end up censoring and dictating what the rest of us should and shouldn't read. I'm not trying to be divisive....I'm just trying to state a point.

I think we should all be treated like adults. Children - or those who behave like children (like Darasmommy) will be treated as such by those who'd want to engage them. There is always that "ignore" button. If someone's style is not to our liking, then she is just a click away from being gone. Use the finger.....I didn't mean in that rude way!
The ignore button!

I really agree with this, particularly the parts I bold-highlighted.

We have a few different caregiver types or styles on this board, and the fact is that some are agreed with and seen as "good" or "appropriate" by the mod of this forum, and some are not. I'm not talking about truly abusive or threatening posters. Obviously, posts or people like that are unacceptable and unwelcome in any gathering of civilized people, on or offline. But those of us who are a little more "old school", and choose to incorporate a little more no-nonsense into our parenting, our daycare providing, and our advice giving, are scolded as too harsh, "disrespectful" or "unhelpful". The truth is, if you censor and dictate that we can only write in your preferred gentle and non-judgmental style, you're going to be left with a forum that is very one-sided and unbalanced, and in many cases, unhelpful, because sometimes what a parent or a caregiver needs to hear is the unvarnished, un-sugarcoated, tough-love TRUTH, and many times that cannot be transmitted nearly as effectively with a hand-holding validation of their current method or way of looking at something.

In addition, by catering to the few who get hurt feelings so easily, you're depriving all the rest of the opportunity to participate in an adult conversation of differing opinions, styles, and contributions, and effectively dismissing their own maturity and ability to judge for THEMSELVES the value of the post, and to exercise their right to skip over it and keep scrolling if they don't like it or agree, or to click ignore on a poster they don't wish to hear from permanently.

Can't we have a forum where adults with our own minds, opinions, and abilities to scroll past what we don't care for, can have conversations that are diverse in style, content, and personality?

[Momof4]

I definitely agree with you ladies about freedom of speech and that we are all adults who shouldn't have to be reminded to be nice or to have our posts deleted for speaking our minds honestly. However, in the case of darasmommy, she was on full out attack mode and I agree that she had to be banned from the forum. However, deleting her posts just confused a lot of people. I usually don't get on this site until late in the day and if things have been deleted, I'm confused!

I don't always agree with everyone but I respect others opinions, even if they don't think the way I think. How can we learn if we don't keep an open mind? If I don't understand something, then I ask people what they meant to say. If I completely disagree with someone I state my opinion, but hopefully everyone knows that I always mean to be respectful.

[betsy]

However, deleting her posts just confused a lot of people. I usually don't get on this site until late in the day and if things have been deleted, I'm confused!

Yes, I agree that posts shouldn't be deleted - especially when it's something that's being talked about by others! I don't get the chance to access the forum to keep track of everything that's going on. Not only will it confuse me - but it will make me feel like I'm "out of the loop," an "outsider" who's not in with the juicy details.

Anyway, those threads (with all the posts in them) serve a purpose. We learn and understand from them...you read someone mentioning them and you browse to search for the mentioned thread, and you catch up!
That's how I understood what the commotion about Darasmommy was all about! Should I just take someone's word for it if someone says a poster named Darasmommy is full of venom? Of course not!

Like it or not, all the posts and characters that come in are all part of the history of a forum.

Besides, I think I can think for myself what is socially acceptable or not.

[betsy]

Still about deletion of controversial posts (and characters):

Keeping those posts intact for everyone to read is punishment enough, I think. Immortalising the stupidity of a poster sticks to the persona of the offender....and it's displayed on-line for all the world to see!
In all its laughable and shameful glory!

Thus, it's posters beware what you write, and how you behave on-line.
Anonymity is not fully guaranteed, what with all the on-line hackings we read lately.

Anyway, forums should create a separate section for their problematic threads/posters: the Controversial Files. I bet you'll see a high viewer count in that section.