Keeping your cool

[2cuteboys]

As far as keeping my cool throughout the day?? Chocolate and coffee keep me going LOL!

Amen !!!

I've had a rough couple of weeks too, a really frustrating end to last week. I've come to the conclusion that its centred around one little boy as well. I'm torn but I think eventually its going to come to terming.

I know that a lot of my stress comes from my own need to have things and activities organized and perfect, I need to just go with the flow and be more loosy goosy. I feel like I have a standard to live up to with the kids parents so I put added pressure on because of that. I'm sure they're just happy that their kids are safe and happy, but I tend to forget it sometimes.

[Momof4]

When I have a day that turns into chaos and everything is set aside for a play day only I tell the parents at the end of the day that we had a change of plans. I've never had a parent have any problem with that. My clients always respect my decisions and trust me to do what's best. They are all the kind of clients who can't imagine how I do this job with 5 children every day and they know that I'm giving their children the best of care and deserve a down day sometimes.

I admit to chocolate and ice cream as my naptime comfort foods some days too!

[DayHomeMama]

This is the exact issue I have been having in my day home! It seems like since my youngest dhk has turned 2 they have turned into a little monster. He riles up the other's under 3 and they go on a behaving badly spree of throwing toys at each other, climbing on things in the playroom and shoving each other off, etc. Time outs don't seem to work most days.

One of the older children constantly back talks and questions everything I ask, for example I'll say "okay guys, it's time to clean up the playroom so we can be ready for snack" and this child will whine (they whine everything almost) WHY???? So I ask if they heard what I said, "no". I'm getting very frustrated with most of the kids in my care, and I'm thinking it's just because of these two children, who shockingly are siblings.

Some days I wonder if I'm way too strict, but a. I don't believe children should be catered to and need to learn structure and how to do things themselves and b. I'm pretty sure there's not a lot of rules or discipline (ie. consequences for actions) at home.

Any tips?? Thanks!

[playfelt]

On the "why" this is typical behaviour for three year olds - they used to call it the whine and cry year in old baby books. Be careful that you only respond to necessary comments and ignore the other ones or you will get yourself into a power struggle you won't win and that is sort of what it sounds like might be happening. Yes child heard you. Make your statement and then leave it at that. One reminder specifically to a child if they appear to not understand what you said/meant after giving them a few minutes to respond is ok but don't harp on them. However logical consequences follow. You don't get to do the next activity till you have done the stuff around you etc. In the above scenario they may miss out on snack and that is ok since you made it available and you set the criteria for getting it and child chose not to make himself available for snack so not your problem. Not the way to deal with lunch but ok to skip snack. (for lunchtime give them a task ahead to get ready and then limit their access to only toys that can be put away easily - ie not lots of parts so it happens).

[2cuteboys]

I have a why kid too... If what I've said warrants a "why" question, I will answer 1, clearly and honestly ("we need to clean up because we're going to have snack next"). If they continue task why I will say "I've already explained why, please don't ask me again" once, and beyond that I will ignore. Again with the logical consequences like playfelt said.

I think it's ok for kids to ask information seeking questions, so I will answer the first "why?" But if they continue to ask after you give an explanatory response, it's either a power struggle or attention seeking, or just trying to avoid something they don't want to do, and none of those come without consequences.

[Daisy123]

Ah yes... I call this the "why merry-go-round"... it can be never ending! I also have a why kid. I'll answer the first couple if it's a real question but pretty soon the conversation goes in circles. I usually stop him pretty fast though when I turn around and ask HIM to tell ME why! And yes, he usually can tell me exactly why!

[DayHomeMama]

Thanks ladies, I will have to remember to not constantly answer dhb when he asks repeatedly. I do already use the consequence of no snack (or craft, or whatever activity) if they choose not to clean up. I make this very clear when I need to remind them of what task we are doing, cleaning. I say "You have to make your own choices, so you can choose to help clean up and then you'll be choosing to have snack OR you can choose to not clean and then you'll be choosing to not have snack" That works sometimes, other times he just looks at me and says "I don't want snack" and will walk himself over to the timeout spot and just sit until we're done.
Drives me batty, but I guess he's controlling what he feels he can.

[Momof4]

DayHomeMama, I stop a whining child from doing that immediately or sooner! I actually tell them not to use that voice, but to talk with a nice voice. I also talk to the parents about it. Do parents really want their child to grow up with the bad habit of whining? Don't they want it to stop as badly as we do?

We sing a cleanup song, would that work for you? Your why child wouldn't be able to talk if you are all singing. Maybe you could come up with a song for all the times when he drives you the craziest?

[Dreamalittledream]

mine was ......I put him in preschool one morning a week which was a small break and he just started full day jk this year and I feel like I have been released from the looney bin ; )

Me too!!! I can so relate to your 'looney bin' comment

[DayHomeMama]

Today again he said he didn't want to clean up, so I explained his choices and then proceeded to direct the clean up effort with a puppet. Well the kids thought that was SO hilarious and all pitched in no problem! Puppet for clean up time is now a must! I used Winnie the Pooh, as that's what I had, but I'm going to see if I can find one that's like a person and he or she can be 'Clean-Up Charlie'