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Thread: In a slump

  1. #1
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    Unhappy In a slump

    So... I posted awhile back that my hubby's Mother had gone into hospital. She was released, but is now back in. That makes three times she's been hospitalized in four months. Once in a coma, the other two with first a minor heart attack, and this time with a massive heart attack. She is recovering well thankfully. The hospital has now asked her to accept being placed in a respite program until they can find a long term care home for her. She is trying to refuse the respite care. It seems the only way that we can remotely convince her to do it is to take her cat. The last time we had to take her cat on because of an extended hospital stay, it used my laundry room as a bathroom and refused to use the litter box

    Now on to the daycare part of this. I can't take the time off of work, we need the money, and quite frankly if I took time off of work every time my MIL was hospitalized or had a health concern, I would never work. This has been going on for three years. She refuses help, goes home, calls on us to do everything for her, and then the process starts all over again

    Now most days are pretty good. I'm pretty good at dealing with stress. All I really need to keep myself on the ground is my afternoon break, a little tv time at night when the kids go to bed, and the occasional night out with my hubby. But on top of the mess that is my life, I currently have a 14 month old dcb who's super, super busy and into everything. If we go to the park, he constantly puts the wood chips from the playground in his mouth. I move him, he screams. I stroller him, he screams. He wants to play, but he can't keep anything out of his mouth. Energy and activity wise, he's over and above all the other children I have. He's into 15 things before any of the other kids have even been through 1. No, I'm not kidding. Even my husband has commented on it, and he's not one to comment on the littles. I have to highchair him if I'm cooking, going to the bathroom, even if I'm changing someone else's diaper. He wont pick toys for himself either... he ONLY takes from the other kids. I can tell him no over and over again, but he does whatever it is anyway. The thing is, he's got a lovely personality, but he's wearing me out It's not just me, either, the other kids are constantly frustrated with him, and I feel like I'm refereeing more than I'm conducting daycare lately!

    *Phew* Thanks for letting me get that out!

  2. #2
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    Wow. That is a lot to take on. I'm wondering if you would consider replacing your dcb for one that is less "busy". It seems that he adds more stress to your already stressful life. Just something to consider, as you can't really do anything about the other stressors in your life.

    I hope things calm down soon for you, and everything gets resolved quickly.

  3. #3
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    I have to clarify one thing, when I say this dcb has a lovely personality, I do mean it. It seems almost like he is unable to control himself. My ds is severely ADHD, and I went through a lot of this with him. I am able to separate the behavior from the personality, (if that makes sense). I was shown kindness when my ds was in daycare from a very understanding provider, and I don't want to give up on this little guy just because he's busy. His Mom and Dad are fantastic, too. They know how busy he is, and they are right on board with me, and trust me and follow all of my policies.

  4. #4
    Starting to feel at home... jammiesandtea's Avatar
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    Aww that is a LOT on your plate.

    Like Bookworm, my first suggestion was going to be replacing the kid that causes so much extra work and stress, but if you want to keep him, I guess instead of "removing stressors", you'll have to focus more on self-care, and doing more things or claiming more time (from somewhere! I know it might not sound easy) to take care of yourself and release some stress.

    Is there anyone else that can help with her cat? I know it would suck with a cat in the house who is refusing to use the litter box. I can understand how your mother-in-law would be worried about her pet too though. Are there any other options? Did the cat just start with the litter box issues when she went into hospital, or does he/she have those issues when she's home too?

    I hope things get a little brighter and more manageable in your world soon. Hugs to you.

  5. #5
    Euphoric ! bright sparks's Avatar
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    Jenn Jubie, I think it's fantastic that amidst your already busy and stressful life, you seem to be very dedicated to this child and his needs. I think it's terrific that you can separate his behaviour from his personality and it sounds to me that through your personal experience that you realize that in the bigger picture this may not be something he is able to control. Everyone needs a support system who will be their for them regardless of who they are. Family, friends, neighbours, caregivers of all types are what any child needs, let alone one with some special needs.

    That being said, I don't think under these circumstances it's a good idea to keep this child on. While you are busy taking care of everybody else, it will be at the expense of yourself, which isn't good for you, or anyone. I think in this case, IMHO you should absolutely give notice to this family. You can not give notice to your MIL lol, and caring for the elderly is draining at best, let alone a family member. It doesn't mean you don't care about this child in the least, but that you have an obligation to your family, that you obviously can't get out of, and you need to reduce your stress load in order to maintain a somewhat healthy mentality and lifestyle for yourself. You say you are dealing with stress ok right now, which is a good thing, but this kind of child, if he is special needs, is going to get more needy as time goes on, as is your MIL by the sound of things.

    Do not feel guilty. This child can be well cared for by someone else, while you can use all that energy to take care of your own family and most of all yourself. Good Luck and keep us posted. Sending you hugs

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    Thank you all for your good advice. I guess that my heart and my head are not agreeing on this one. I really wish there was less going on in my life because despite being so tired, I feel a good connection to this little guy.

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    JennJubie, sorry your family situation is so stressful, but doesn't your husband have other siblings or relatives that can help out? Why do you have to take this on yourselves and do all the work? It sounds to me like your husband needs to put his foot down with some things and arrange care for his Mom or your marriage may be strained. Hoping it turns out well for you.

    As far as the cat goes, eeeewwww, you are going to have to replace the flooring in the entire room if that keeps up. Does your MIL have enough money to set the cat up in a kennel of some sort until she's better?

    For your dcb, can you change up your toys for all big ones for a while until you get your energy back? Put away all the little toys that make the room a disaster. I just did that myself this week because I had a new baby start and I have an 18 month old who can cover the floor with all the little toys in seconds flat! I knew that I didn't have the energy for that and transition my little newbie at the same time. The children think it's great that they have a new selection of toys and haven't noticed that there is only a minimum of toy cars, etc.
    Frederick Douglass
    It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.

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    My husband has a sister, but she's not of any help. She pops in from time to time, bitches about things... yells at her mother... and then forgets how to answer a phone for a month at a time. She's more concerned about her own life. We've tried to arrange care many times for my MIL, she refuses any help that is offered. She refuses to leave her house, even after the nurse and doctor at the hospital have flat out told her she'll be back in hospital within a month of release if she doesn't accept the respite care. She doesn't want the respite care because she won't leave her cat with anyone but us.

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    So some good news to add: My MIL has accepted the respite care. I know it's only temporary, but it's a start. The cat is currently being cared for by her neighbour, (bless her neighbour for saving my floors!), and my husband got mad enough to blow up a little at his sister for not helping out more. I feel like I can breathe right now! .... And this week end I set up a stay over for my kids with my wonderful Aunts so that hubby and I can get away for the week end.

    Isn't it amazing the difference a week, (and getting fed up and getting blunt with people, lol), can do?
    Last edited by JennJubie; 09-24-2013 at 01:01 PM.

  10. #10
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    That's awesome news! Glad things are going your way. Enjoy your weekend away!

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