Having trouble deciding if I am done with day care or just having a bad month :(

[eoinsmom]

I am pretty strict with what i expect in terms of behavior, and the other kids all adapted quickly.

[playfelt]

Sounds like the mom is exhausted and just doesn't care as long as no one gets too badly hurt and gives in rather than listening to the screaming. Do you have enough rapport with the mom to ask about life at home as in mentioning the things that are not allowed at daycare and what they kids are doing that isn't allowed and ask her how she handles it at home when they do it. Let on you are looking for helpful answers but when she just laughs and say well I give in to make them stop screaming at least you will know where it comes from. Then it is up to you to decide if you can work with the mom to make it stop or find ways to limit it at your house.

If the older child goes to preschool even some days they may very well be bored on the other days because they are now used to playing just with lots of peers and no babies. I would probably try to set up my playroom so that I had one end for older kids and other end for younger kids and a couch for me in the middle to referee from. If they don't have access to each other it eliminates some of the temptations. Then it becomes dealing with only each child individually in how they treat their peers. Maybe some time apart for the kids would be good with the older one going to a program. You will have a better chance of changing the behaviour of the youngest probably.

[eoinsmom]

I've had a few conversations with mom about his behaviour, and she says they are working on it at home too as they find his behaviour has escalated in terms of aggressiveness in the last 3-4 months. However, they are spankers, and I don't know if this is helping or hindering the situation, and I doubt I am going to be able to change their view on this as it is quite the hot topic in parenting! I think I am just finding it a bit draining to have to constantly be on watch. Some days I can't leave him alone for even a minute to play with the other kids (ages 3, 5, 5) as he will instantly start something. He just does not have that social cue filter that says " maybe I shouldn't just walk up to the other kids and hit them to see if they'll play with me". You think he'd connect it that once he smacks the older kids, they aren't going to want to play with him, but he just keeps on doing it. Or following them around screaming, jabbering and in their space when they have said they don't want to play with him. And every meal time it he and his sister start a squealing match, which is just not ok for me; at my house we don't scream and growl and make loud, disruptive noises at the table; or stand on our chairs, etc. I don't know how many times he has fallen off a chair because he is fooling around. They are an extremely busy family, and often eat on the run in the evening because either mom, dad or the boy have some activity almost every day of the week. The more I think about it and write it out here, the more I am thinking I will let them go and see how things play out with my remaining kids. I am stressed to the max, I keep getting flare ups of iritis in my eye (inflamed iris) which is painful and ends up with me taking several trips a week to the optometrist to monitor and treat so it doesn't cause eye damage and vision issues. I still just feel awful that I agreed to take them on only in September and am "quitting" already. They drive 15 minutes out of their way to bring the kids here, the family moved to another community but liked my dayhome and so continue to come. And they have enrolled boy into preschool in our community instead of somewhere closer to their home.

[bright sparks]

I think it's great that you care about his family but let's be clear that you should not feel guilty about the length of their drive or where they chose to send him to preschool. They are only thinking of themselves and what works best for them in terms of childcare. Even the kindest daycare parents are still putting their needs first, so if you don't start looking after yourself as number 1, then things will likely get worse. It sounds to me that you have already made your mind up about quitting and are looking for reassurance that you are making the right decision. If this is effecting your health and you are not happy, then I think you either change the entire dynamic of your group quickly, or you give notice.

I always find the most problems are with siblings. I had a pair and just recently the older one went to full time kindergarten and now the 2 year old is a dream but before hand they would rough play, egg each other on and were just dreadful. I had another pair where the youngest was such a wimp and the older sister would comfort her constantly so the younger one would cry for everything or run to the sister all the time and for everything, this obviously hindered her independence skills and ability to self sooth. Not all siblings are bad but you obviously have a right pair. If you are doing all you can and are seeing no change then mum and dad are most likely not being consistent with discipline at home or the spanking is actually not working and creating a bigger problem and you are probably wasting your energy which really only results in negative repercussions for you.

I think 4 weeks notice is enough to give and although things may be challenging at first in your new career path, I imagine that you will feel a huge sense of relief and revitalised. Good Luck.

[eoinsmom]

You're right, I think I have made my mind up and just needed some feedback. This morning we've already had a tantrum from the 3 year old when I told him no tv, and the 1 year old has been constantly pushing my other 1 year old over and pulling her hair, not to mention pulling my cat's tail and squishing the cat. Now its just a matter of me giving notice. I would really like to tell them tomorrow, with an end date of Dec 20 as thats my last day before xmas break. Is that enough notice? Is that a reasonable amount of time to find a new caregiver, or would you be ticked off since its right around Christmas?

[torontokids]

I'd give them 2 weeks. What does your contract state?

[dodge__driver11]

I am sure you already know this, but when you feel you are done, you are done Never force it--its detrimental to everyone--I just hope that your finances will be okay as you move on to your next chapter

Also I would give at least one month.

[playfelt]

That is a more than fair end date. Also let them know that you will not hold them to that date in the sense of if they find someone sooner then they are free to go. I probably would give a date of mid to end of Nov allowing you to interview to fill the spaces with kids and get them in and settled before Christmas so come January you will know where everything stands.

The fact you have had conversations with the parents about the behaviour and they have it at home too they should not be surprised. Reason for termination is now the safety of the other children in the sense that it is one thing for the siblings to attack each other but another to start doing the same to the other children in care as well as the daycare pets. You can no longer keep them safe from the cat retaliating and who would blame it for scratching or nipping to get free. You have an obligation to the other kids to keep them from getting bullied.

Are the parents disciplining both kids or just the older one thinking the baby is not the instigator?

[Crayola kiddies]

I'm confused .... Is the notice to the family with the siblings terminating care and then you are carrying on with the children you have left or is the notice that you are shutting your daycare business down and everyone with have to find new arrangements?
If its the first one them I would give two weeks notice or whatever you have in your contract for notice of termination but if its the second one then I would still give the two week notice to the siblings and give about 6-8 weeks for the rest.

[2cuteboys]

If it's notice to terminate I would not give that much time. If you're already this miserable, why prolong it? I'd give a months notice. I think that's more than enough time, and what if it were the other way around - would they give you 2.5 months to find a replacement?

Good luck!