Having trouble deciding if I am done with day care or just having a bad month :(

[eoinsmom]

So I've been running a dayhome for the past 4 years and this last month has just been terrible. I find myself annoyed by the kids and just generally grumpy. How do you know when you are just "done"? Or is it just my group? Ugh, I am just not feeling the love for kids right now. I thought it would get better after the summer, since all my part time crazy schedule kids left and I was going back to two sibling groups of full time kids. My two 3 year olds and their two 1 year old sibilings. But they are driving me crazy! The 3 year olds are moody and pouty, one is constantly hitting, and we had a week where he pooped his pants (he'd just look at me and say I'm pooping in my pants - and is completely potty trained...grrr), he has no concept of personal space and will get in the other kids faces, or walk up and start smacking them....and his baby sister is the same way, pulls hair, smacks the other kids, grabby with toys. The thing is, I don't know if getting rid of these two would make that much of a difference....maybe I'd still be tired of kids in general and ready to get back to some other kind of work. Honestly, I am a bit terrified of looking for work again after being out of the professional world for 4 years. I've been contemplating giving notice that I am closing as of the end of Jan 2014. Is that enough notice for people? I feel bad too because the one family just came back full time in Sept. I was going to hold off on my "retirement" until next Sept, as my son will be in grade 1 then and I would be more likely able to find part time work around his school hours. Right now, Kindergarten is only from 8-1040, so finding a job in those hours would be impossible.

[2cuteboys]

I think January 2014 is lots of notice! If you can take the lost income for few months, I'd suggest terminating the problem siblings and seeing how that goes for a month or so. Then, depending on how you feel it's going, you can either find a couple more clients, or give your other siblings notice. Just to help you stick it out until September.

Even if you don't think it'll be any better without these siblings, it might still be worth a shot, especially if it's going to be tough finding work after you close. It's funny how a little change can make a huge difference.

[2cuteboys]

Of course if you aren't looking for advice and just want to commiserate...

I SO HEAR YOU!

I've felt like that once a month since I started!

[apples and bananas]

yes... I've feel like that now. And I was just told one of my parents is having another one so now I'm wondering if I want to just phase out once she's on mat leave.

I think it's the winter coming. I'm having the worst time getting back into routine. I don't want to craft, Lunches look the same every day. UGH.

I have a couple of unexpected days off in the next 2 weeks so I'm just hoping that get's me through to Christmas.

My advise to you would be to deal with one thing at a time. Deal with the hitting, pooping, grabby child as you would with any child. Get the parents on board and start building a reason to terminate or build them into amazing clients. Then work on the rest from there.

And... take time to really think about your alternative... whatever that is. Just to see if the grass really is greener.

[eoinsmom]

Thanks for the replies ladies, I've been thinking about this for a month or so and mostly struggle with feeling like I'm letting my families down. I've had then since I opened my doors almost four years ago, and they both just returned after mat leaves. I've done work in my other field, Adoptions social work, all the while in evening and weekends and I'm feeling a bit burnt. I'd like to do more of my Adoptions work, but it is contact and no guaranteed income which is scary. I'm considering getting rid of the two full time families and keeping my two part time kids and seeing if I can make up the lost income in my other job if I have more time to devote to it. Just scary since I still have student loans and car payments!

[eoinsmom]

And yes, the looming winter is definitely getting me down. All I can think about is how I'm going to be stuck in my house all winter long with these kids....

[Momof4]

Eoinsmom, I have 4 great kids in care right now and 1 that is pushing me to my limits and I'm exhausted by lunchtime daily. I spoke to his parents about fixing things just this Monday and they are going to do their part. If they hadn't been receptive to my little TALK about the problems and willing to help make their child stop the behaviour that is bothering all of us I would be thinking about termination. That's my rule: If the parents help I keep trying.

In other words, I also feel your pain. But read my rule again and think about it!

If you decide to quit, make sure it's what YOU want to do, not that you are being driven to it by a family that could be replaced with better behaved children, ok?

[playfelt]

Not sure if the three year old stayed with you during mat leave but for sure everyone is learning a new hierarchy, etc. It sounds like the two siblings are allowed to rough house at home in the name of "play" and do not know when to stop it.

What about suggesting to the parent that the older child may have outgrown the program and be ready to move to a preschool/daycare centre. That would separate the kids during the day and give each one time to do their own thing. I would imagine the younger one will settle down with some firmness on your part once the older sibling - likely the instigator is gone. Also speak to the parent about the behaviour and how it is not acceptable at daycare and that only if they put a stop to it at home will be able to be stopped at daycare and that if it doesn't then the older child needs to move on away from the younger one.

When we are irritated by our co-workers we don't want to work there anymore and for daycare providers our daycare kids become our co-workers of sorts as we share the same space, resources, facilities and interact. I am finding that I am getting frustrated some days because it seems like we accomplish nothing beyond changing diapers, feeding, napping as in nothing fun. I do miss having the older kids who could follow rules and sing along with me and not look confused when I try to do anything academic.

For sure getting rid of those that irritate us the most does make for much more enjoyable day. I would start there before deciding that it is time to quit totally.

[lotssoflove]

I had almost a year of dealing with the feeling I should shut my doors. I too run two jobs, and have 14 to 15 hour days and am burnt out. My poor kids hardy get to see me in a good mood. Ive been doing it for 9 years now and it really does have to do with the kids and giving yourself a break. If the socal work/adoption stuff is what you truly feel then then phase out the daycare slowly. I know it will be hard but coming up with a plan of attack of if you get more work with the adoption stuff in the next three months I will par back to the part time kids does help. Good luck!

[eoinsmom]

The older kid came one or two days a week during mat leave, so its not totally new. He goes to preschool two mornings a week now as well as my place. The two siblings definitely do rough house at home, the little one laughs and giggles and instigates it as well. they both also scream like banshees during quiet rest time, often after only having slept an hour, waking up the other kids. I've been on them since day one with this, as it is not acceptable. The baby is also a food thrower, who wants to eat walking all over and screams when i take her out of her chair after the first toss of food. I have a feeling its a bit of a free for all at home, with food and naps. They both have piercing screams of protest when they don't get what they want, ESP with did food mooching and begging between meals. Can you tell I'm not impressed over all? Its almost like mom gave up with the second kid. Kid #2 is also crazy busy, walks, climbs everything, non stop activity.