How to terminate my neighbour's child?

[AmandaKDT]

I have a behaviour management policy as part of my contract. It is given to the parents and posted at my daycare entrance. I don't know if you have this kind of policy with your parents, but it would be a good idea to start using it. Then there should be no surprises or guessing what to do as it has been already agreed upon.

Part of my policy states:

If the action/behaviour continues even though the child care provider has tried the previously stated methods of discipline (I lay out for the parents what I do - redirection, time-outs, etc), the child care provider will discuss the issue with the parent/guardian to seek their support.

If the action/behaviour persists the parent/guardian may be asked to withdraw the child from the child care home.

Any abusive, violent or aggressive behaviour that endangers the child, other children, the child care provider, equipment or building will not be tolerated. After the first offense, the family will be notified immediately. In extreme cases (physical violence and/or hitting) OR after the 2nd offense, the child will be suspended for 3 days. In the event of the 3rd occurance, the child will be suspended permanently without prior warning being given.

[gravy_train]

Ugh - sounds like a really awful situation.
I think your letter sounds really nice, but because the clients are your neighbours I think I would be more inclined to phrase it a little differently. As soon as the parents read that their son has behavioural issues they are going to get defensive and, based on what you wrote, they will blame you. Personally, I would bow out of the situation with as little drama as possible. If I was in your position I think I would talk to them about it tonight and say something like, "you know, I really like having you as clients and I think Sam is a great kid but it is not working out. He isn't getting along well with the other children in the group and as you know has hurt them. I am not able to give him the care that he needs while maintaining the safety of everyone in the group." And then I would write a short and concise letter outlining that as of XXX date you are no longer able to provide care for Sam.
Does your contract address termination? Do you have to give notice?

[Blackcat3168]

I agree that shorter is sweeter but I do wonder if OP is not trying to be a bit "gentler" than normal about this because the family are her neighbors....a bad term would make neighbor-relations a bit uncomfortable.

[busydaycarelady]

Oh my! I had a child EXACTLY like this, only she was almost 8. Parents were in complete denial. Their child's behavior was everyone's fault BUT the parents or child.

I agree with everyone else. Immediate termination. It's tough, but boy will your life improve. You've tried talking to the parents, who do nothing. Perhaps this will be the wake up call they need. I would go with a short letter. They know what their kid is doing wrong, you've already told them. Mine went something along these lines:

Due to xxxx's ongoing behavioral issues, I will no longer be able to provide care for xxxx effective immediately. I wish xxxx all the very best in the future. If you have any questions or concerns, please do no hesitate to contact me.

Be prepared for the parents to possibly be rude towards you because they're angry. You've done nothing wrong and have tried your best. The parents need to step up and parent because all the awesome guidance in the world from a daycare provider will Not make an ounce of difference unless mom and dad reinforce it at home. Be strong and best if luck to you! It's tough but the right choice. Keep us updated!

[CrazyEight]

Dad just came to pick him up and I recounted this morning's stroller incident, and said that unfortunately it's now become a safety issue. I said I would take him the rest of the week to give them a chance to find alternate care, but after that I'm done. He actually took it pretty well, said "ok" and that was that. I expect when mom gets home in an hour I'll get an earful, and she does morning dropoffs, so if they do bring him tomorrow, that should be interesting.

I have 2 other dcps (both have 2 kids in my care), one set of parents are friends with my neighbour, and seem to accept the parents' attitude, but the other set have a child in this boy's class at school, so they know everything that's going on here and at school. I told the mom when she got here that he'll be gone after this week, and I apologized for allowing him to stay this long. She was great about it, and I'm practically doing a jig

[gravy_train]

Good for you! Have a relaxing night :-)!

[playfelt]

Glad to hear at least the first part went well. Dad knows and is not getting through to the mom either. He might just be glad that this has happened as now he has proof of sorts that something needs to change. Good luck with mom and hope in a way she addresses it tonight and not wait till the morning and boy and others are around.

[CrazyEight]

Exactly. Of course, it helped that when Dad picked him up, he threw a tantrum, tried to squeeze the cheeks in of the 3-year-old I have, hit dad and refused to put his shoes on. Kind of reinforced the whole thing quite nicely.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Yayy, glad to hear this went well with dad. I agree with Playfelt, hopefully mom gives you a call tonight so that you do not need to discuss this in front of the child and the other children. Sometimes parents need a wake up call like this to realize that they need to change their parenting.

[mimi]

Crazy Eight, I had to chuckle when you said Dad didn't have a bad reaction. His child is having a trantrum, abusing another child and his father and is being unco-operative. LOL what was he going to do, say you were exaggerating?
Do a happy dance kiddo............Lor d knows you deserve it!!