So anxious and questioning myself

[2cuteboys]

I'm having a really hard time since my 12 month old started this month. She screamed nearly all day for two weeks when she started, doesn't nap (30mins, sometimes twice a day, sometimes once will wake up screaming and won't go back down without fail), had a spill that left a significant bump and today got a diaper rash when she pooped after I put her down for nap and sat in it for half an hour. I know in my mind that none of these things are my fault, but I feel like I just can't seem to do anything right for this little one and am seriously starting to feel like I'm falling short of the parents expectations.

Her parents seem fine with everything, I asked how they thought things were going a couple of weeks ago (basically to get a feeling for whether or not I should look to replace) and they said that they were very happy with me and appreciative. But I just can't shake the feeling that they're not happy (specifically after the rash and bump). I got a text tonight regarding her bum (just explaining that they are going to send in some heavier cream and are ok with me using polysporin and cloth wipes - nothing negative or attack-y) and I've had a pit in my stomach ever since.

This is where I seriously miss having coworkers to talk to (though just writing it down has lightened my mental load a bit). Has anyone else felt like this? Is there anything to be done other than gaining a bit of confidence and shaking it off?

[5 Little Monkeys]

I had a new boy(18 months) who screamed/cried the whole day for two weeks as well so I feel for you!! I always tell myself and the parents that a transition period could last 2 weeks but this was the first child who took this long and who cried all day. After 2 weeks, it just magically stopped!! Here are some things I did....

-the parents were fantastic at quick drop off's. I praised them for this so that it would continue. If her parents aren't quick at dropping off, I would suggest asking them to be.
-I held onto him for a bit after parents left. I would talk to him quietly asking how his morning went, what toy did he want to play with, we discussed who was here and who was still coming etc
-after a few minutes of cuddling I would put him down with a toy. Depending on what I had to do I would either sit with him or near him. I allowed him to sit with me throughout the day at random times but if he cried he had to sit by himself and I explained that he can't sit with me if he is crying for no reason.
-there were times that nothing helped and he would just cry. I would place him in his playpen and tell him that when he was done crying he could join the group again. This seemed to help as his blanky was in his playpen and gave him some comfort.
-I would encourage him to join in all the activities. There were times he just sat at the table or stood outside or watched us do art and cry but at least he was with us and participating as much as possible for crying all day
-his parents would pick up and would stay and chat. I feel that this helps because it shows the child that the parent "likes" me and trusts me and that it is okay to come here
-I drank wine after work LOL

Having an all day crier is exhausting mentally and emotionally. I felt like you do and thought I was failing. I considered terminating him but I had seen how he was at our initial meeting and I knew that that little guy was in there somewhere. I am glad I stuck it out (and that it didnt last longer than 2 weeks!!) as he is now my most easy going, content, cute child! I hope she adjusts soon for you!

As far as the bum rash, that is not your fault!! (Unless you are not changing her diaper often and I highly doubt that is the case ) Some bum creams just don't work and she could have sensitive skin. My child with sensitive skin uses desitin(sp?) and it works wonders! My other favourite one is sudocream and I find that one works almost instantly. If it's really bad, I would suggest not using wet wipes but using warm wet cloths and making sure the bum is dry before putting diaper on.

At 12 months, she is probably still needing 2 naps. When I had 2x a day nappers, I would nap them for 30 minutes at 9 and then the normal 2 hour naptime at 1. This seemed to work well as the morning nap gave them enough energy to do our morning activities and make it through lunch without a meltdown.

GOOD LUCK!!!

[Cadillac]

Hey . . . take a breath . . . you are doing fine.

You know yourself that spills do happen and so do rashes. I have knowingly left children in dirty diapers when they feel asleep in it (didn't put them down like that in case that sounds the case) for the simple reason that the child is EXHAUSTED and needs the sleep.

Part of the little ones problem isn't you, shes just exhausted. Think of how much energy it takes to scream all day . . . . and then NOT nap.

It you don't think this is a good fit tell her parents before she decides to adjust, otherwise, give it a couple more weeks and things will calm down.

Maybe try a different nap time routine to try to assure she sleeps? ask her mom what works at home. She might need some more TLC than other kids do and one little switch could be exactly what she needs to settle with you.

hope things get better

[mimi]

You said it "the parents seems fine with everything" so take a deep breath and relax. The parents are happy with you and them sending a thicker cream is just them realizing the other cream doesn't work well. Before nap I slather on the cream as most of my kids will poop during nap.

As women we look for non verbal cues from people and may be oversensitive to a cranky look or demeanor from a parent, but it could just be they are in a lousy mood that has nothing to do with us.

I have a mother who is constantly questioning me and has a "I know it all better" attitude. At first it really bothered me, now I just shake my head at her and realize she is insecure and trys to make herself feel superior to feel better about herself. I ignore most of her remarks now.

[2cuteboys]

Thanks everyone, things are looking brighter already this morning. Apparently dcd gave fed her something she shouldn't eat, and she had another runny poop later on that night that made her red too.

I really do like like this little girl with the exception of naps (she doesn't cry during the day anymore). I guess I just feel a bit like I need to prove myself because dcm works in the early childhood field. I think I'm just getting into my own head too much.

[jammiesandtea]

Regarding the naps (since she's stopped screaming all day), how does she nap at home? Are they allowing her to self-soothe and keeping her on the same basic schedule, or are they rocking/breastfeeding/co-sleeping or anything else that might undermine her ability to go to bed and sleep independently?

[2cuteboys]

She naps twice a day at home (1.5 hrs and 45 mins - and the schedule is VERY consistent... Moms a little over-the-top with routines), in a crib, with a sleep sheep - mom gave me an additional one of these plus blankets from home. I've tried putting her down at the same times a set home, skip morning and try for a bigger afternoon nap, with a sleep sac (to discourage standing - as she'll just stand at the edge of the playpen and scream). Nothing seems to work.

I know they let her cry for going down (checking on her every 5 mins), but they pick her up as soon as she wakes up crying. She knows that of she screams long enough, someone will come get her. I've communicated that it's an important skill to teach, and they say they're working on it but it's difficult for them.

[mom-in-alberta]

Oh, boy. Transitioning STINKS.
But if we are consistent in setting the expectations, or gradually introducing them, things almost always get better over time. If she is getting even a little bit better, there is hope.
I would say that you are doing everything you can, and it sounds like mom/dad are okay with everything, too. Just keep it up!
And I second the idea of wine therapy in the evening.