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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    271 Times in 195 Posts

    Lying for no reason

    Looking for input from your daycare experiences or your own children.

    I have an almost 4 year old dcb who has lied to me twice this week for no real reason. Both times I think it was related to him thinking he was going to get into trouble, but I explained to him that he wouldn't get in trouble but I just wanted to know what happened. He refused and denied everything, resulting in him going to time out because I don't tolerate lying. I explained to him that he wasn't in time out for what he did, but because he was lying and making up stories. Today it was because a toy he was playing with had a part break off. No big deal, has happened before, but today he decided to deny that he had even been playing with it.

    He has a real stubborn streak in him, which doesn't get him anywhere with me but I know his mom has a real hard time with him (mostly for being too lenient, in my opinion).

    I have a strong suspicion that his parents have separated, though I have not been told. His dad has been working in another nearby city for several months now and never seems to come home. He will come pick the kids up occasionally and take them back with him. So the mom is pretty much on her own with him and his little sister 90% of the time. Do you think he is starting to act out because of this (even if they aren't actually separated). He isn't the same kid that I took on 6 months ago. Or it is just developmental and he is trying to assurt his independance?

    What would you do? Would you bring it up to the parent?

  2. #2
    Euphoric ! bright sparks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    807 Times in 564 Posts
    Personally I would bring it up to the mother. It's obviously not something to blow out of proportion when talking to mum but it is an opportunity to say that you have noticed him acting very out of character and wonder if any changes at home may have set this off. Some people may think it is none of our business what goes on at home, but I think it is very important to inform the dcp when a dynamic has changed as it almost always effects the child and it helps to be prepared for changes and also explains a lot of behavioural changes in the child. I think it is important to nip the lying in the bud before going off to school but you would probably get more results from addressing the cause. Perhaps he has gotten in trouble a lot recently at home and lying is now his way of protecting himself from an ear bashing. I know you said that you have told him that he will not get in trouble, but if he is being told this at home and still getting in trouble, or even if he isn't being told this at home and is on the receiving end of a stressed out parent, then he is probably having some trust issues right now. It will only take for him to have the courage to tell the truth and see that your response was not to shout at him or punish him and he will be more likely to tell the truth in the future because he will trust what you say. Hopefully upon discussing this with his mother, she will also be able to work with you in this area.

    Its not so much asserting his independence as this occurs around the 2-3 yr range in psychosocial development. I think it is more about demonstrating control over the situation, this may also be a bigger issue for mom as you mentioned she has a bit of a hard time with him at home. He is being defiant and disagreeing with you just because he can. Unfortunately when a child does this to often they get disapproval from caregivers and can end up with feelings of guilt so the denial of certain behaviours can just become a protective action when they fear someone's disapproval....

    Sorry, lol can you tell I am taking a psychology course BAHAHA

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  4. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    271 Times in 195 Posts
    Thank you, that was all very helpful information - the psychology stuff was what I was looking for. :-)

    I brought up the lying and didn't get much back from the mom, she was surprised to hear it. She is very friendly but keeps closed lips about everything to do with home life. We will see what the future holds...

  5. #4
    Euphoric !
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    239 Times in 191 Posts
    Don't think I could add much more than BrightSparks. LoL
    Except to say that it does sound like something is up at home, and that it's affecting his behaviour.

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