How much/what do you tell the parents at pick up?

[apples and bananas]

I appreciate that this was dealt with, but as a parent I have the right to know that this occurred and quite frankly should be made aware if my child is physically antagonizing another child. What happens if this comes up somewhere else and it is reported to the parent. They may become defensive thinking that this is very out of character for their child, when really it isn't but having that information withheld from them means that they are oblivious to the true behaviours their child is acting out in. Also there are things that the parent can do after the fact. They can reinforce appropriate behaviour at home through play and story time and the incident of poking another child with a fork could be a reason to discuss feelings, bullying and what it means to treat others with respect and appropriately. It's not about telling the child off or disciplining them, but acknowledging what happened and establishing that it's wrong and why they felt the need to do it. You dealt width it, but I think it is important that all caregivers back each other up so the child learns consistency and that's why the parent should know what happened.

If I find myself constantly reporting negative daily incidents with a problem child, I always make sure I tell the parents the good things to and I reinforce to them that I am not worried, and that I am sure it is a normal phase of childhood development and behaviour but that I want to keep them in the loop and let them know what I am doing as the child's dcp to help them overcome this. That way I have eased their fears that their child will be kicked out or that he is actually "bad" and it quite often will prompt the parent to tell me if other incidents have occurred to see if their is a pattern or if their is any change in home life which may be instigating this behaviour, which ultimately may help me to carry out behaviour modification with more success.

If the 2 year old, who is still learning how to use a fork and the proper uses for it, becomes a consistent "poker" I'll be sure to let the parents know. I appreciate your response. However, I don't think that this is any different then taking a toy from another child. It wasn't done in an aggressive manner, it was more of a " hey... Look at me" There was no antagonizing going on and I don't think I have a 2 year old bully developing.

As far as what we discuss with the parents... it's really up to the caregivers discretion. I choose to deal with big things or consistent issues. I won't always discuss the first time, but I will discuss if it becomes a consistent issue.

[playfelt]

One of the problems with telling the parents is that I don't always want the parent doing anything about it. I want it controlled in my way at my daycare and don't appreciate the interference so to speak. What can a parent do other than punish after the fact for an infraction that the child has already been punished for or simply yell at the child and solve nothing other than make him madder which he is then likely to take out on us at daycare the next day.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Playfelt...I agree that sometimes a parent can't do anything about the behaviour that happened at dc but they can watch for the behaviour at home. I don't agree with a parent disciplining a child after I have already disciplined at dc but if that is what they want to do than that is their choice as it is their child.

If you are disciplining a child at dc for hitting children for example but they aren't doing anything at home when he/she does it than it will send mixed messages to the child and the problem won't stop in my opinion. I may not discipline the same way as my handful's mom but at least we are both disciplining for the same misbehaviour now.

It totally depends on the behaviour though and what it is. However, from my experiences, if a child is allowed two separate sets of rules than more misbehaviour is likely to happen. It is better to be on the same page as the parents(or at least as close as you can get in some situations! lol) than more like a divorced couple where there are different rules at mom's than dad's. There are always going to be different rules between dc's and home but I think for major misbehaviour's, it is better to be in sync with the parents. Having said that, there are some parents who are just out to lunch and in major denial!!

[JennJubie]

I agree that being on the same page as the parents is key. I have a 15 mo that is hitting non stop right now. I have to separate him from the other kids at least a handful of times in one day. One of my dcgs was lying on the floor today, and he crawled past her and smacked her right in the face. I spoke with his parents because this has moved past a little bit of hitting and into constantly every day hitting. I told them what I was doing here, and Mom has asked for my advice in the very recent past. I feel good knowing that we are working together to teach this little guy that hitting is not ok.