Boundaries

[mimi]

Ditto 5 Little Monkeys!!! I like my dc parents and we are friendly, but we are not friends. I have a dc mom who is waiting to give birth any day. She calls me to give me updates which is fine, but I am not going to call her to ask - not my business unless it involves my business.

As for the Dad accepting his son's invite into your kitchen............. .Come on Dad THINK, and parent your child. I would fine it so awkward to have another man in my kitchen for many reasons!! You handled it well!

[jammiesandtea]

Cfred, I admire your ability to find that many parents who align with you so well, follow the rules, and trust your judgment without questioning. I find there used to be more parents like that (though there were always a few bad apples, of course), but the last number of years many of the parents have been getting progressively more entitled, demanding, and unwilling to actually parent and discipline their children at all. I would describe myself very similarly to what you said about being no nonsense but also very maternal-like with the children, but I'm finding that more and more I have to keep the no nonsense part of me hidden somewhat from parents (though I would prefer not to), because when you have spaces to fill and lots of competition in the area, the parents have the upper hand, and nowadays many parents seem to have no concept of the value and importance of bringing up their kids with that no nonsense brand of instilling respect, empathy, kindness to others, and decent, cooperative behaviour. (as well as the natural pecking order of adults being the boss/leader, and children doing as they are asked/instructed. People seem to want to make children equal to adults now with respect to who runs the show and I just cannot subscribe to that.) Maybe I'm doing something wrong, in attracting this type instead of the few remaining who are still a bit more old-school. I do have one set of parents who are great... but others lately have left quite a bit to be desired.

Anyway, what you're doing sounds to be working for you.

As for me, I'm working on figuring out how to start a revolution in the opposite direction society has been going with respect to raising children ... not as far back as regular beatings and cold/harsh/uninvolved parental style, lol... but definitely back to adults-in-charge/consistent discipline/respect for others/elders etc. Who's with me? How do we turn this around? lol

[mickyc]

I am with you! LOL

I totally agree with everything said!

cfred - I think it is great you have such good relationships with your parents. For myself I prefer to have boundaries. I love what I do but at the end of the day I just want my family time. I have spent the last 10 hours of my day looking after my daycare children I can't wait to spend one on one time with my daughter and my husband.

I agree with 5 little monkey's. I am friendly with my daycare parents but not friends. I have invited my daycare kids to my daughter's 3rd birthday but have told parent's they don't need to stay. My daughter has been invited to a few of the daycare kids parties as well. There is one family that requested parents to stay but the rest have not. My daughter plays soccer with the daycare kids and for the most part all the daycare parents and I sit together but not always. I did put my daughter in the same swimming lessons as another daycare child once. I have a separate facebook page for parent's to be friends with me on facebook. I prefer to keep my personal life personal.

I like my daycare parents and could see hanging out with them as friends outside of daycare but only once their children are no longer in my care. I have let my heart lead me previously and I just got used.

[5 Little Monkeys]

Jammiesandtea....I agree with what you said and I am with you!! It really is interesting to see this change in parenting happen right before our eyes. I am only almost 28 and can not believe the difference in parenting I have seen since I have started working with children and that was only 10 years ago!! It is scary to think what kind of parenting we will see in the next ten and more years.

Everybody has this self-entitled attitude and figures they have the right to do what they want without thinking of the bigger picture.....and that is sending these bratty children into the world as bratty adults!!

[Wonderwiper]

I think, like everything else in our line of work, people treat us the way we allow them too. If you don't want anyone in your house, ensure your set up makes that clear (gate in the hall etc) and nip any behavior that doesn't suit you in the bud.

My arrangement is more like CFRED, although parents have to be buzzed in. They must come to the basement to pick up their kids and I enjoy morning/end of day chit chat with them.

I have never had someone not pay on purpose. Once in a blue moon a cheque has been forgotten, I'm human too and don't mind getting it the next day.

While most daycare providers don't want to be friends with their clients, I believe it certainly helps to select families whom we could see ourselves being friends with.

[cfred]

Well said Wonderwiper. Exactly! We are treated the way we allow people to treat us. If any of my clients deliberately took advantage of me or were otherwise unpleasant clients, of course the dynamic would change....it would have to. I'm not an idiot, nor a pushover. But I have been called a 'hippie', which is fine by me. I love people and in my life, the more the merrier That being said, of course, I'm closer to some than others, and that's ok, but I'm always open to new friends. And really, it just eases stress for me and makes my job so much easier and more enjoyable. I find it very stressful being guarded and distant as it's completely against my nature. I've been told a time or 2 that I'm too friendly for my own good. Tempered with a contract and clear rules, it's, so far been working very well for me and my business is developing beautifully.

So far as returning to a more old school approach to child rearing...YUP!!! That's what I tout in interviews, so it's understood how things work. I'm the boss....period. I've not had a problem with parents going along with me. There's the odd issue, but nothing major. Like I said, the people who don't appreciate me or my ways mosey on pretty quickly. I will admit that I am lucky. Have had a couple clients in the past who didn't see eye to eye with me. BUT, it was rural area and I had to take people on who I probably wouldn't now. My new location allows me to cherry pick clients, so that helps. I am a bit dismayed to see some parents with their kids and how they run, pretty much wild, are completely disrespectful to their peers, elders and environment. When I see those kids and parents in interviews, they go right onto my waiting list, with a little star beside their name. NEXT! I agree completely that there are some serious changes needed. Fortunately, we're in a great position to instill our values in them....sometimes it sticks!

[mickyc]

Oh don't get me wrong I usually chit chat with my parents in the morning and at the end of the day but as far as wanting them in the other part of my home - NO.

I tend to be more strict as well. It always amazes me how the kids act when their parent's show up to pick them up. Lots of behaviour that they know is not acceptable when I am in charge. I have started speaking up now and it seems to be helping although I don't like to discipline their children when their parents are here - that SHOULD be their job.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I agree with Mickyc...I don't like to have to tell a child something when their parent is here but they are starting to do things that they know is not allowed and I have had to start speaking up.

One of the children has started to take out toys that are not out and her mom says nothing. I have extra toys on a shelf in the nap room and the mom doesn't say anything when her daughter runs in there and brings them out. It's something minor in the grand scheme of things but it drives me crazy lol

My last two kids get picked up around the same time and their parents are both ones that would allow their child to play another 20+ minutes so I bring them upstairs to my living room. We either watch tv or have books to read. When we go out to the kitchen where the entrance is I now have to stand in the doorway blocking the living room because the girls will run into the living room and their moms just stand in the kitchen talking to me or yelling to their child to come to them. I don't allow the girls past me now but they still take up to 15 minutes sometimes getting their child out the door.

Maybe I'm the crazy one but don't people want to go home and enjoy their evening off? I know I want to start my evening!! lol