Boundaries

[busydaycarelady]

So, I have a 5 year old in my care. If he can find a way to whine, push his parents buttons and get them to do exactly what he wants then he will do it. And they always cave. Today at lunch, dad drops him after kindergarten. Kid refuses to walk to door from car, so dad carries him. Kid wants to go home, eat a pbj and play with his own toys. Dad negotiates, tries to convince him staying at daycare is fun. I say, just leave him and he will come around. Dad won't leave til son stops pouting. I go upstairs and begin prepping lunch. Boy demands dad cones and helps me make lunch. Dad takes off shoes and starts walking into my kitchen. At which point I block his way and say, 'no need. I have it totally under control. ' he acts ticked off but leaves. Why do people give this power to their kids and where are some people boundaries? My home is my home, despite the fact I do daycare in it. Argh!

[jammiesandtea]

Some people are ridiculous. It boggles the mind.

But you handled the situation perfectly if you ask me!

[5 Little Monkeys]

whoa that is ballsy!! I would be annoyed if a parent did that too!

My 3.5 year old is the exact same way and totally runs the show in her family. Yesterday mom brought in a toy that she no longer plays with at home and was going to sell it. She brought it to me because she thought I would like it. The kids loved it and I appreciated the gesture. Dad came to pick up and she cried that she wanted the toy brought home.....so dad took it back. I hate to say it but they have raised a brat.

Last week a girl threw up just as a dad was dropping off his son. The dad cleaned up my hallway while I was helping the girl get into the bathroom to finish throwing up and I changed her. Things like that I appreciate....giving in to your child and "helping" me get lunch ready is not something I would appreciate.

[mickyc]

Crazy! I think sometimes parent's forget that this is my HOME! I don't like it when they come in and don't take off their shoes. I have another mom who lets her daughter take off upstairs with my daughter at the end of the day (daycare is totally in the basement) or sometimes she will come in and sit down and watch tv with the kids (I put the TV on for the last 15-20 minutes after we have cleaned up and we are waiting for the last few parents). Really? - go home and watch your own TV!! LOL

[apples and bananas]

Wow... I can't believe a parent tried to do that. CRAZY!!!! Good on you for controlling it and sending the parent away. You know.... if a client wants to leave my daycare because I put my foot down on boundaries... bu bye!

[Other Mummy]

Whoa...that child runs the show. Imagine a client walking into your kitchen to "help" in order to appease his son. Yikes. You need to have a talk with this client.

[cfred]

Again, I guess I'll be the odd one out.....I don't get it. Aside from the dad appeasing his child, which I don't agree with, I'm not sure why all providers have a problem with clients coming inside. I'm not passing judgement, I just don't get it. I love it when my clients come in. They don't even knock, as I told them not too...just come on in. I want them to feel welcome to come into the place where their kids spend about 40-50 hours every week. They often try to just leave, but the kids pull them in to show off art work or a toy. When they come in of their own accord, they just sit in my playroom with me and chat, or hang in the kitchen while I start my family's dinner, or join me for a glass of wine if closing time. I like the personal bond with my clients and would really, really miss it if it was suddenly gone. Some have stayed for dinner or joined my family at a nearby restaurant. I go to the birthday parties and their houses for dinner or drinks. One joined me and her baby daughter in my bedroom as I did my makeup for a date....shared some girl talk. I've started walking at night with one of them and have traveled with others. I'm thrilled that there aren't professional boundaries between me and my clients and would miss my connection to them if boundaries suddenly appeared. Not that there's anything wrong with boundaries....I'm just not sure why everyone's so uncomfortable with idea of letting them down a bit. To each his own, but the personal aspect is such a huge part of my business, I couldn't fathom changing it.

.....plus, talking to an actual grown up during the work day is, in my opinion, freakin' awesome!!!

[jammiesandtea]

Cfred, if that approach works well for you, that is awesome. I mean that sincerely, even if it's not my own personal preference. I'm dying to know though, how do you manage to be close personal friends with your clients like that, without encountering any uncomfortableness when issues come up? I get choosing quality parents from the beginning whenever possible and all that... but do you never have a parent who pays late, or picks up their child late, or takes advantage of you in any of the ways that can be so common in this business... or doesn't have the same child rearing philosophy as you, and lets their kid run the show and manipulate them, for example (like in this case of the OP)? That's a huge one nowadays, I think. So many parents are subscribing to that mentality, and I find it very difficult to fill my spots with parents who discipline their kids much at all anymore, so if I were personal friends and buddy-buddy with them without boundaries, it would make it that much more awkward and difficult to deal with when there was any kind of issue. Does that not come up for you?

[cfred]

Yes, awkward moments have come up a few times in the past. During the interview, which is also very casual and friendly, this is discussed as well as the reasoning behind the contract. So, before someone even starts, they understand where I'm coming from. So far as clashing parenting styles, those who don't like the way I do things don't hire me, and vice versa. Interviews are very open, usually long and extremely friendly. Our parenting styles may not always match up completely, but both sides are willing enough to learn from each other, if that makes any sense. What I find most often is that parents appreciate my 'no nonsense' approach and the fact that I temper it with very maternal behaviour toward all the children. Many times, the parents come to me looking for advice, which is very cool. There will ALWAYS be people who are ready and willing to take advantage of you. I've had a couple. BUT, the vast majority of my clients are fantastic....really. ..golden. I currently have a roster of amazingly supportive clients....I typically do, with the odd exception.

I've found that my 'open' approach benefits me in a number of ways. First, they feel close to me and I to them...this breeds some loyalty in most people. We're friends and they care about me, which is a nice aspect to have in a client. I have a trip booked for New Zealand at the end of January for 2.5 weeks. Crappily enough, I've got a surgery that may need to happen either just before or just after. Every single client has said 'Don't worry, we'll sort it out'. All have assured me that they will not be looking elsewhere and that I must keep my vacation (if possible) in spite of the surgery. I kinda think that's awesome. If I was more rigid, perhaps the response might not have been as kind? I don't know. Plus, they're exceedingly comfortable leaving their children with me BECAUSE they know me so well. No one ever questions me or my practices....ever.

So far as parents forgetting to pay...it does happen now and then. Most of the time, it's a genuine accident. They always feel badly and offer to go home and come back, to which I typically decline....tell them to bring it Monday. None of them rip me off, none of them argue my rates, days off, vacation time, curriculum, menu.....nothing. If anything, I find them very accommodating. Jeez....one even brings me coffee every morning. Late pickups happen once in a while. I don't put an hour limit on care. I'm open from 6-6. As long as pick up happens in that time frame, it's all good. I've had 2 lates in the past year. Both felt terrible and one was unavoidable....the other showed up with cash and profuse apologizing.

I wouldn't do it any other way. It's nice to really like your clients But I can certainly understand why other approaches work too. This is just the best for me.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I agree, if it works for you that is great but for me, I have friends and than I have a business and they are my clients. I am friendly with them but I am not their friend. I don't add any parents to my fb as that is my personal life not my business life. It might sound harsh but it really isn't. If I worked anywhere else it would be the same. It might change a bit after I have children as I'm sure my children will be friends with the children in my dc but I still can't see it being the same kind of friendship I have with my other friends. It is a different relationship to me.

I have had a friends son in my dc at one point and it was alright but I don't think I would do it for just any friend.

I have to say though, it wouldn't sit right with me having a glass of wine with a parent and than them driving home. I know one drink isn't going to do much but there are times where one glass of wine has made me tipsy lol. I would feel extremely guilty if anything happened. A drink with your meal and then driving home is different than just a glass of wine with nothing in my opinion. Each to their own though!!

With the original scenario though, I don't think it was a problem of having the parent come in but rather why the parent was coming in. Doing things to appease your child often results in a bratty child. My parents are more than welcome to come into my home and they have seen all of my home during the interview but that doesn't mean I want them coming in and helping me do my job. Come in, drop off your child, chat and then leave. Parents wouldn't stay to help at a daycare centre and even though this is my home, my business is separate from that.