Did I over-React???

[mamaof4]

I think, for me the biggest issue would be the lack of remorse. Kids hurt each other-- but usually once they see one of their friends is hurt they show compassion. I don't know if I would have called the parents-- but whats done is done, and done for the best. I think from now on you need to have an established plan so if it happens again you won't be caught off guard.

[JennJubie]

I do agree with the other ladies that sending them home may have been an overreaction. BUT - I've never seen a child ganged up on like that so I can't say just how I would react myself.

I would like to add, also, that I find it irritating that some, (not all, but definitely some), parents assume that because the child who has been hit or harassed is ours that we are automatically over-protective. Our own child's safety and well being does not matter any less than any other child in our care.

[Secondtimearound]

Hmmm I think so much of our actions come from our personalities so its hard to say if you over reacted , not knowing you . I think kids do things without expecting consequences like throwing the branch was fun hurting someone with the stick maybe didn't occur to him .
I don't think I would have called parents I think I may have used the situation as a teaching one and made the two offenders sit while I attended the hurt child .
I think it's our responsibility when dck are with us to teach them how to interact with other kids properly , what's acceptable behaviour , I think sending them home just changed the focus of what happened ! Now the focus is on parents mad and frustrated at you rather than their child doing something wrong . My opinion is of course they think you over reacted because the hurt child was yours !
I would of taken a pic of the branch and the injuries and sent a text or letter to each child who was involved and inform them it is a documented incident and going into your files and any further issues will be a reason for immediate termination .
I know it's frustrating I have my own child I'm my Dayhome and watching unfair play and seeing her get hurt is hard but it is good for both to learn life lessons , but I would be the one in control of what was going on in my Dayhome . Believe me those kids prob never heard a word about hurting your daughter but I bet they heard all about your behaviour and actions .
Ugh do not at all mean this to cause more frustration !!!' It is just my opinion on your post !!!

[mimi]

I agree with the other posters. I would not have called the parents for pick up, but would have had a talk with the parents and ask for reinforcement at home of my daycare's non-violence, anti-bullying policies.

As far as over reaction? I didn't see what you saw as far as the look on the dck's faces as they committed the act with the branch. If it was a look of maliciousness or enjoyment, that would have upset me too along with the injuries sustained.

I do see myself in your quick reaction with the parents. I have always been a quick reactionary when I see an injustice done and am fast with a verbal tongue lashing to the perpetrator (I refer to adults only). I have learned through experience that some careful thought needs to be done on my part before I do react to a situation. Sometimes my quick reaction was not well thought out and didn't fall on appreciative ears.

I think your heart was in the right place wanting to defend and stand up for this child (who happened to be your own), but you should have used this as an important teaching moment to show consequences for nasty actions, discuss the potential for greater injury, to show empathy to the victim and to apologize for their actions (all at the appropriate age level)

Have that chat you want to have with the parents. Let them know if it had been their child you would have been equally upset. I wouldn't apologize for what you did, but I would say you have learned to take a couple of extra moments to fully access a situation before you act. This will let them know that this kind of situation will not likely happen again.

I hope your daughter is o.k.

[Cadillac]

update:
talked to one parent when she met up with us at outing. We are ok. a little off but ok. we do not agree on what happened or how it was dealt with or should have been dealt with. the uncle told the mother that they were plying when he came (my daughter and their son) which was so untrue. LOL what does that matter anyways? She said that she trusts the way I deal with her sons behavior so she didn't understand why he had to go home. She understands that I cannot wait until there is a more serious occurrence to set a precedent. She agreed at least that she cant fully grasp my reaction because she didn't see how it all went down

The other parent pulled her child. He wont be back. she said she doesn't feel comfortable anymore. fair enough I guess.

[Cadillac]

I hope your daughter is o.k.

She is fine. Her knee was pretty swollen last night. a few more bruises than before but shes not favouring it anymore today.

Next time I'll not send the kids home. I see now that was extreme but I wanted to make a point to those kids and the parents that this type of behavior will NEVER be accepted in any way. I thought that was a serious enough episode that the parents should be disciplining for it.

[smileyface]

I feel for you! These situations are never pleasant! It was a bit extreme to send those children home, but all of us humans sometimes react irrationally when we are upset. It would be great if some parents could extend a little more grace. Maybe realize that we are just people and are not perfect. It sounds like you've learned a lot through this situation, which is great. It's helping you become an even better daycare provider. It also sounds like you are a very cautious person and safety is extremely important to you (an awesome quality in a provider)! I would certainly prefer an overprotective provider over a careless one! I'm sorry that one of the families pulled their child out. It seems a little ironic... their mad at you for acting irrationally, but they themselves are now acting irrationally.

[Lou]

I believe it was an overreaction to send home as well. If this was a new behaviour it would be worked with to make changes, and I would only send home if there were repeated offences. This actually happened very recently with me. A child very aggressively pushed my son from behind which caused him to nail his head into the corner of the wall and the result was an enormous goose egg. The aggressor started giggling in a very malicious way when my son started screaming (they are both 3) and smirked while in time out. I was furious, and raised my voice as well. He stayed in time out for 15 min which is a very long time at my house.
I sent a picture text to his Mom and explained the situation. Mom was mortified and offered to come pick him up, but I refused saying that I can manage his behaviour here at daycare and you can reinforce it at home. I did call a meeting with her, to explain that while he is going through a difficult phase (he is having difficulties at home as well), I have to think of the safety of the group as a whole and future incidents will not be tolerated. As professionals, we are picked by the parents because they trust that we can manage behaviour issues that arise. Nothing is solved as far as addressing the child's behaviour by sending them home. They will just go home and play with their toys, and get to spend more time with their parents.
That all being said, I do NOT think you overreacted as far as your feelings go because I have most definitely felt them!! FURIOUS!!! So, I get you 100% there, but I do think you overreacted by sending them home. I'm sorry you lost a client

[Cadillac]

Ok so Moving forward: can you guys help me come up with a procedure when these things happen?
I want to send all my parents this new plan and perhaps it will help the parent that stayed regain her confidence in my abilities and show the other parents that I am now trying to be proactive should these situations arise in the future

I was thinking
first offence: long time out, serious talk, at arms length for the rest of the day (parents alerted immediately)
second offence: long time out, serious talk, arms length for the two days? (parents alerted immediately)

I don't know where to go from here. things of this serious nature do not happen often. Sticker charts don't really work when acts like this are random. I'd love to hear all imput to make this a really great procedure.

[Cadillac]

I'm sorry you lost a client

Me too, but things had changed with this family a while ago and I think this was just the excuse they needed to pull him. They really had nothing on me before. Our relationship has been dwindling for months now for no real reason.