Parenting style causing poorly behaved children...

[Lighthouse1]

Hi everyone,

Okay, so I have this family... 2 children boy and girl. The parents are VERY indulgent and feed their children INSANE amounts of sugar. I've spoken to mom about this, and she agrees that sugar is bad, but says she likes to use it to get the kids to listen... so typically the children are out of control... they co-sleep (sorry for those who are in favour of co-sleeping) and I think it's a BAD idea and especially in this case, the co-sleeping is for the parents NOT the children. BOTH children are severely constipated, when DCG DOES poop, it's a VERY small amount, but smells so vile the whole daycare stinks for hours afterwards. DCB is fairly easy-going while with me, but as soon as mom picks up, he becomes whiny and needy, he's almost 5 and he makes her change his shoes, jacket and carry his backpack, DCG starts doing everything she is not allowed to do - standing on things, breaking things, walking on the carpet with muddy outside shoes, screaming. If I am talking to mom, both children are insisting on her attention to the point of even pulling her face towards them. And what does she do? She just smiles and does NOTHING. DCG is defiant and destructive, her life is so out of control she seeks control by eating very slowly, not using the potty (she's in pull ups, so not a huge deal except that she KNOWS how to use the potty), being rude etc. I'm seriously at my whits end, and today just want to expel them - except that I simply cannot afford to. I need their fees to pay my bills. I worry about these children, their behavior is not their fault, it's their parents fault - what are they going to be like at 6, 10, 16?!?!!???

I am at the point that I just don't know how to turn this around, and I don't want to have the other children negatively influenced by this. Advice please!!! please please please!

[5 Little Monkeys]

OMG, I could have written this about my "handful" LOL

Her parents are the same, they indulge their children and the kids get away with murder!! I won't even bother going on as lots of it are the same issues as you. Dad has told mom that maybe they are spoiled and mom has said yes they are but they are her children and she will spoil them if she wants.

I don't sugar coat things for mom or dad anymore. If she has a bad day here I tell them. I discipline her here for what she has done and it's up to them to deal with the behaviour at home (if they even do). Mom has said they have tried doing some things I do here at home and I don't know if she actually is or not but the child's behaviour has improved. She could also just be learning what I expect at daycare though. Mom has mentioned that I am more strict than they are but I know dad appreciates this lol.

I try not to think about their parenting (or lack of lol) anymore and just deal with the child and her behaviour while she is here. I too fear what she will be like as she gets older but once she is in school she won't be my problem!! I have tried to tell mom but she is content with her parenting so she can deal with the result. It sucks though because she could be such a sweet girl but due to her parents parenting, it is her that is going to suffer.

[Lighthouse1]

Wow... yes, your DCG and mine sound the same!! Atleast you have the support of dad tho! I'm glad for you for that! I know this dad is just as bad if not worse as dad gives them coke and lets them watch adult rated horror movies. The DCB has nightmares consistently! Anyways, you're right, that's really good advice to stop worrying about what is going on at home and just focus on what is going on here. On the whole they are both very well behaved here, its just DCG who tends to see how far she can push sometimes. Okay. I'm going to do what you do and let it good. Thanks!

[5 Little Monkeys]

Yes, having dad at least a little bit on my side helps! He has told me that their daughter has gone home and told them I am mean. When they questioned her more, she said I was mean because I didn't let her watch tv and she has to clean up her toys!! LOL Dad told her that I am just doing my job and that I have different rules. I think that actually helped! She knows what my rules are and for the most part follows them pretty good now. HOWEVER, she is terrible for misbehaving when other parents are here. I just now ask that parent to wait a moment and I quickly talk to her or have her sit down until I can deal with her. They all know what she is like now and understand why I need to deal with her instantly. I have had a couple of the moms tell me they couldn't deal with her and gave me props! That was nice, just to get the recognition that dealing with her plus the other children can sometimes be trying!!

I hope that some of my advice helps you! There are times that I still complain about her to my fiance or to mickyc (just because sometimes the actions of her parents still shock me lol) but I think I have decreased venting about her! Mickyc will have to answer that LOL It was actually mickyc that said something to me that helped me deal with her parents parenting and as a result her behaviour. She said that it's a like a child with divorced parents and how the rules are different at mom's than at dad's. I now look at it that way and try to understand how hard it must be for her to deal with daycare rules, her home rules PLUS her preschool rules.

[mickyc]

Yes kids are very smart and know the rules. They know what is right and wrong and how to act, they know exactly what is expected of them at our house and they know how to manipulate their parents. I have similar issues at pick up time with kids acting wild doing things there is no way they would do if their parents were not around. I started speaking up if the parents were not going to. I see it day in and day out. Parents dressing their kids even though they can do it themselves, the whining, crying, tantrums, the back talking. I just laugh to myself and think boy oh boy do you have your work cut out for you as your child gets older.