I only use the insert on the toilet too - I prefer to use the one for a boy when training both sexes as it helps to hold them in place - no trying to slide off, and it forces them to open their legs a bit so they can't hold it as easily. Once they are able to go on their own I have both seats with and without the cup and let them use what they want.

I too find it so contradicts daycare cleanliness rules to have to dump and sanitize the potty between uses and then of course that means wash out the sink too. Same reason I don't dump and rinse cloth diapers.

If a child is fearful of sitting on the toilet then maybe they are not emotionally ready for the process. Have only had an issue with a couple kids and they took the longest to train meaning the process was started at parent request before child was truly ready.