Thank you again for the words of support and encouragement. I was at the ER until midnight and they confirmed what I already knew - my hcg levels have decreased and the pregnancy is terminating. The dr told me to expect cramping and pain akin to a very heavy period. Because my pregnancy was so new there is not much for my body to expel, just the lining of the uterus - same as with a period. I decided to stay open today and made plans to spend some quality time doing special (low-key) activities with my kids this weekend. I swear my own children are instinctively in tune with me - last night I got home after midnight and my oldest son was awake and waiting for me (he is usually asleep by 8). He said he couldn't sleep because he was worried about me. He thought I was meeting a friend for dinner and had no cause for concern as we decided to wait and tell out kids about the new baby after we passed the 12 week mark.
I feel okay emotionally - better now that I know 100% what is going on. It's like someone on here said though, my husband and I already saw the future with our new baby and were so excited to welcome him or her into our family and that loss is going to take a little while to process. In the meantime I am going to hold my children a little tighter for a little but longer and try to appreciate the wonder of humankind. I will never forget what it felt like to toast my husband at midnight on New Year's Eve - pregnant, happy and so full of hope and love.
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