Reality Check!

[Fun&care]

For all of you thinking of moving on, do you have any young kids of your own you would have to put into daycare? This is something I am struggling with since mine is 3 this feb but isn't going to school until sept 2015 so still a while to go. However I often feel like daycare/ preschool would be really good for her, to give her a chance to get out of the house and also to be with more kids her age since as it stands she is the oldest but I think she could use some older kids to play with.

Bright sparks I think that so many times we KNOW what we want but FEAR gets in the way. Imagine what you would do if you took away the fear, what FEELS right?

[bright sparks]

Bright sparks I think that so many times we KNOW what we want but FEAR gets in the way. Imagine what you would do if you took away the fear, what FEELS right?

You hit the nail on the head!!!

Take the fear away, I'd give notice today to everyone! There is no doubt in my mind. I have to get debt paid down and finances in order and that's exactly what I will be doing. I talked to my hubby last night and he said nothing would make him happier than if I quit my job. He just wants me to be happy and I think sometimes I am so consumed with my goings on that I forget that he has to see my decline and share his life with someone so unhappy. That's awful for him and even my kids will process what they see and hear into what essentially will be their belief systems as they reach adulthood. I'm trying to be a happier person not give myself more reasons to be unhappy.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I am very fortunate to have known early on in my adult years that I wanted a hdc. I did centres for a bit but made no money so went to healthcare. I made more money but wasn't happy and certainly didn't enjoy the work. I went back to childcare for a bit and then opened my hdc. I would love to do this until I retire and I look at this as my career and I take it very seriously. I have no children of my own yet but when/if we do, it will be great as we have dc already It is probably a bit easier for me right now because I get to go downstairs, play and have fun all day, and then come upstairs and I don't see a child or a toy until the next morning. I'm hoping when/if I become a mom, I will still enjoy doing hdc as much as I do now. I have found this site to be really helpful and I'm glad that this is a friendly site where dcp's can come and express feelings like some of you are having!! It is good to talk about them!!

Bright Sparks...I'm sorry you are having such a tough time right now! I know what it is like to wake up every morning and dread going to work and feeling like what you are doing is not good enough. I'm not sure about where you live but I know that in MB, office type jobs are hard to come by because so many ppl want them. Do you need a well paying job or is mon-fri days more important? Have you considered working in a daycare centre until your children are done school and then you can start your degree? Or what about being an EA with a school division?

Fun&Care....I also have issues with depression. It comes and goes and I can usually tell when it's happening. Actually my fiance usually picks up on it before I do! I used to feel that way more often before I had my hdc. I needed to make changes in my life and opening a hdc was one of them. It has been a lot better since but there are still times that all I want to do is waste my weekend in bed feeling sorry for myself and cry (even though logically I know I have nothing to whine about). I was on anti depressants when I was 18ish and they did help a bit. Have you spoke to a doctor about your depression? It's a good sign that you want to do more with your dc I feel the same as you...I go through periods where I am super dc woman and we have lots of activities planned, lots of art, lots of great circle time. lots of baking and homemade meals from scatch etc etc and then I get lazy and don't do as much. I have to find that happy medium still lol. I use pinterest a lot to get new ideas and I have actually found since reading this site that I want to be better and get lots of great ideas and advice! My group now is at good ages (almost 2yrs to almost 4) but I started with a very young group (8 months, 10 months, 2-just 2 year olds) and I actually think I did more with them than I do now somedays lol. There are lots of activities to do with any age group but sometimes we need outside help (like pinterest) and to think outside of the box. I always tell myself "I am a dcp NOT a babysitter" and that usually makes me less lazy and I get off my butt and do something haha. I worked in the baby room at the last centre I worked at (3 months to 2 years) so I know what it's like to have to plan things for that age group.

Dodgedriver...I had a great set of first parents and I got soooo spoiled. This new group is okay but man oh man!! LOL One parent drives me crazy almost daily with their lack of parenting and denial. They think they are parenting well but it's so obvious they aren't lol. (IMO of course, I do realize all parents parent differently) A few others are just extremely young (20 year olds with 2 year olds) and are new to this! It's been a learning process I tell ya! I wish ya luck! I guess the only thing to do is term if ya can afford it until you can fill the space!

Daisy123..."and yet here I am"......STOP thinking that way!!! lol You are a dcp who is enriching these children's lives and making a lasting impact on them! What we do with them now in their early years is setting them up for the rest of their life!! I take that seriously and strive to be a good dcp...sure I have my bad days but don't we all? I'm like you....I hate being called a babysitter lol. The support group sounds like a great idea! Definitely not having coworkers can be an issue and it does get lonely sometimes.

Fun&Care...I have a friend who used to do daycare and so did one of her friends. What they did was a couple days a week they exchanged their own child. So their child got to get out of the house, away from mom and made new friends at a different dc. It worked for them because no money was made or lost by doing this. Is that an option for you?

[bright sparks]

I am very fortunate to have known early on in my adult years that I wanted a hdc. I did centres for a bit but made no money so went to healthcare. I made more money but wasn't happy and certainly didn't enjoy the work. I went back to childcare for a bit and then opened my hdc. I would love to do this until I retire and I look at this as my career and I take it very seriously. I have no children of my own yet but when/if we do, it will be great as we have dc already It is probably a bit easier for me right now because I get to go downstairs, play and have fun all day, and then come upstairs and I don't see a child or a toy until the next morning. I'm hoping when/if I become a mom, I will still enjoy doing hdc as much as I do now. I have found this site to be really helpful and I'm glad that this is a friendly site where dcp's can come and express feelings like some of you are having!! It is good to talk about them!!

Bright Sparks...I'm sorry you are having such a tough time right now! I know what it is like to wake up every morning and dread going to work and feeling like what you are doing is not good enough. I'm not sure about where you live but I know that in MB, office type jobs are hard to come by because so many ppl want them. Do you need a well paying job or is mon-fri days more important? Have you considered working in a daycare centre until your children are done school and then you can start your degree? Or what about being an EA with a school division ?

My background is in healthcare having worked in acute care and maternity in hospitals in the uk and then working for social services in community care with the elderly and special needs children.

I do not get up dreading my workday. The job is not a bad job so please don't misunderstand my distress. I am disengaged and consumed by cf and depression and the isolation and the fact that I am not mentally challenged by the job whatsoever makes me not enjoy my job but I never wake thinking here we go again.

It is my understanding that medical secretary jobs are available as being in southern Ontario there are so many new developments, a steady flow of immigrants and an ever growing demand for healthcare of all types that there is always a need for medical administration staff. My biggest stipulation is M-F and a 9-5 kind of day or even 7-3,8-4. I am postponing my venture into university to be there more for my kids so I can not jeopardize that. I do not have the qualification to work in a centre or school. Coming from the uk where you graduate with grade 11 I have already had to attend night school over and over to get my high school diploma but beyond that any training I have on the uk does not provide me with an equivalency here. The medical administration course is something I can do in less than a year at night school.

[mimi]

5 little monkeys......I have to say wow, you are such an amazing asset to this forum!

I love my job, but have been there and done that in respects to wondering why I continued working at a job I didn't like and having to due to finances. Life is short and we should try and work at what we are passionate about. I tell my daughter to save her money so that if she ever finds herself in the same work predicament I did, she could afford to leave and educate herself or find another job she would like. Working at a job you don't like will eventually show up in symptoms of poor health (stress)
Anyway, this is also a really lousy time of year. We are stuck inside, it is freezing outside, it is dark early, we are less social so maybe if anyone is having thoughts of change to give it sometime before they do so and think it through.

My insight from the cheap seats

[5 Little Monkeys]

Mimi, thank you for those kind words!

I have to say that you (and everyone on this site!) is an asset!! Discussing all the different ways we do daycare is great and I thoroughly enjoy this site because of all of you! It is so nice to come here and vent, ask for advice/suggestions and just discuss dc life in general I'm so glad Mickyc found this site and suggested it to me lol (we are from the same city!)

Something I read the other day on fb....."I don't have to agree with you to like you or respect you"...........I may not agree with everything that is said on this site but I do respect all of you for doing what you do and for being who you are!!

[Fun&care]

I have gone through chronic fatigue as part of depression and yes it is absolutely debilitating. Very very difficult to function when you feel that way. I had a glimpse of it the other day where after dinner I just crashed in bed and could not get up...I am trying really hard though not to go back there as I have gone through phases where it lasted 6-9 months. Although now that I have kids I don't think I could allow myself to do that and I have to work at it daily to make sure I keep my chin up.

Have you ever thought of getting a reading with a psychic/ clairvoyant? I find them invaluable and I have a reading every few months when I am starting to feel out of balance and it's my saving grace. It's my form of therapy. Look up Charlotte Szivak. She's great and always super positive. She does phone readings. I know it's not for everyone but I am a big believer.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I stopped taking anti-depressants because I was almost more depressed knowing that I had to take a "happy pill" to be happy. I know that for me what works best is making changes in my life. Things like cutting out negative people, dropping friends who drained me, changing jobs, making changes to be happier! Being happy just doesn't happen, sometimes we have work to be that way! lol

(however, for some meds work and that is great too!!)

[bright sparks]

I don't take meds and never will. I think that meds work for some in a temporary state of depression, which I suppose some would consider as always although I have probably been in a depressed state to some degree for nearly all my life. An example is grief. My mother took anti depressants after her mother died and she had a nervous breakdown. They helped her get through a period of grief that only time would help her to come to terms with and learn to deal with. The meds helped her through this difficult time and after a couple of years as she grieved she came off them with no problems. I however know the cause of my ptsd and depression and truly believe that to be able to fully address them I can not be medicated. Obviously the results of this can sometimes be worrisome and problematic and there have been times when I have been close to getting them but I know that they wont help in the long run. I have to deal with my past to be able to move on. I wish I could take meds for chronic fatigue because I know that would help me on a day to day basis, but I am fully aware that those meds are anti-depressants. Its a life style change I need to make, so baby steps. One thing at a time, starting small and going from there.

I function well under high stress, believe it or not lol What I mean is, if I am busy busy busy, go go go, with complexity and non stop to do lists, I thrive. Its when I have those periods when I can stop and think, or stop moving that the "shit hits the fan". So over the last year I have been working on reducing the amount I do. I could totally fill my time with night courses, weekend special interest classes, and a multitude of other hobbies but it would not help, infact it would make things worse. I think it is essential to have an outlet outside the home when you do this job, but I need to find one that does not ask anything of me. So even if it's just taking a book to the coffee shop once a week, or joining a friend for a glass of wine on the weekend, that is more what I need to do. If I am busying myself, I am masking. I have to learn to lighten my load, empty my calendar and lessen my commitment list. I know when I am in a happy place because I will just be able to be, and right now that is impossible. If I sit and empty my head, or try at least, I either get CF, depressed, or anxiety attacks WTF right?!? Thats why it needs to be a gradual thing, and it has been. I restrain myself from spending countless hours at night during my insomnia, or worry, researching, and I have vowed only to take 1 night course per year and try things like reading again, which was once my vice, and get on the treadmill for 20 minutes a day. I am also learning to say NO.

[5 Little Monkeys]

That all sounds like great ideas bright sparks!! Good luck with it all!! You can do it!!