I don't take meds and never will. I think that meds work for some in a temporary state of depression, which I suppose some would consider as always although I have probably been in a depressed state to some degree for nearly all my life. An example is grief. My mother took anti depressants after her mother died and she had a nervous breakdown. They helped her get through a period of grief that only time would help her to come to terms with and learn to deal with. The meds helped her through this difficult time and after a couple of years as she grieved she came off them with no problems. I however know the cause of my ptsd and depression and truly believe that to be able to fully address them I can not be medicated. Obviously the results of this can sometimes be worrisome and problematic and there have been times when I have been close to getting them but I know that they wont help in the long run. I have to deal with my past to be able to move on. I wish I could take meds for chronic fatigue because I know that would help me on a day to day basis, but I am fully aware that those meds are anti-depressants. Its a life style change I need to make, so baby steps. One thing at a time, starting small and going from there.

I function well under high stress, believe it or not lol What I mean is, if I am busy busy busy, go go go, with complexity and non stop to do lists, I thrive. Its when I have those periods when I can stop and think, or stop moving that the "shit hits the fan". So over the last year I have been working on reducing the amount I do. I could totally fill my time with night courses, weekend special interest classes, and a multitude of other hobbies but it would not help, infact it would make things worse. I think it is essential to have an outlet outside the home when you do this job, but I need to find one that does not ask anything of me. So even if it's just taking a book to the coffee shop once a week, or joining a friend for a glass of wine on the weekend, that is more what I need to do. If I am busying myself, I am masking. I have to learn to lighten my load, empty my calendar and lessen my commitment list. I know when I am in a happy place because I will just be able to be, and right now that is impossible. If I sit and empty my head, or try at least, I either get CF, depressed, or anxiety attacks WTF right?!? Thats why it needs to be a gradual thing, and it has been. I restrain myself from spending countless hours at night during my insomnia, or worry, researching, and I have vowed only to take 1 night course per year and try things like reading again, which was once my vice, and get on the treadmill for 20 minutes a day. I am also learning to say NO.