Reality Check!

[bright sparks]

This has been a constant in my mind for a long time and since Torontokids post about finding your passion this all came flowing out. I can not deny the truth anymore as things have to change. My physical and mental wellbeing is slowly but surely declining so it is a time for change. So just an offload really ladies, taking a moment to let down my façade and take a human minute.

I had plans to go and do my degree next year but I decided over the last month or so that I would put it off until my youngest (currently grade 6) has finished school as I have doubts of being able to cope with the workload and stress of doing a Psych degree while meeting the needs of my 2e son. His needs are growing as he gets older so I just don't think it would be the best for either of us if I took that on until his graduation. That being said, I cannot keep doing this job.

I love the children and get great satisfaction in aiding their early year’s upbringing and development, but the isolation is positively killing me mentally. I suffer with PTSD and one of the biggest symptoms for me is Chronic Fatigue so I very much need to interact with others outside the home to aid in my recovery. I want to work with at risk youth in the future in the LGBT community but without the education I am unable to right now and even volunteer work at my age in that field is tough to get. I was thinking of training to be a medical secretary or similar where I am busy and interact with others but only work typical office hours, and also do some volunteer work with youth where possible. I really want to be home in the evenings and on weekends with my children. They are fortunately old enough and independent enough to get themselves off to school and get in and organized afterward also. I need to focus on being happy as otherwise the benefits of being home and working are diminished by my unhappiness which does not benefit my family and right now it is a daily battle which just isn’t something I can keep investing in so things have to change. I have one life to live, that's it just one chance. There is that which I have no control over, but that which I do have a hand in controlling, I owe to myself to act towards changing.

One of my big issues lies with money. My husband has an incredible job which is fortunate but we have very much fallen into nasty habits with my money and have become accustomed to the extra cash flow. A major lifestyle and attitude change needs to be made on my part where having this warped sense of income level and qualification level is what justifies a person’s worth. It was drummed into my head from such a young age that I should get a degree. When I was 7 my dad would tell friends that I would end up at Oxford or Cambridge University. I am very intelligent but way to set me up with an incredibly high goal Dad…for the longest time I have battled with this ridiculous notion that without achieving this I am not worthy or adequate. It is a work in progress as I understand this is stupid but it’s hard to change a habit of a lifetime. I cannot walk away from this work until changes have been made and I feel that small steps will likely be more productive rather than trying to do everything at once.

My daycare day right now is very mundane which I don’t think helps at all. I am currently transitioning kids back in after the break 2 x 11mth olds, a 16mth old and a 2 ½ yr old so it’s just a succession of diapers, naps, milk and not much in the way of playing. The younger three are all seriously mollycoddled by their mothers which really is problematic for having them cry for physical contact all to often and while I am trying hard to stick with not buying into it and getting them out of it, the Xmas break threw a wrench in the works. Freakin’ parents don’t seem to give any thought to how their actions affect their children’s social development.

[torontokids]

That's so interesting Bright Sparks that you want to get into psyc, only because I have often found your posts to myself and other members both supportive, insightful and nonjudgmental. I am curious what it is you want to do after your psyc degree because working within the LGBTQ community does not require that (depending on your capacity). The other thing to think about (as someone who works/worked in the field) is that a lot of people get their psyc degree with the plan to become a therapist. The reality is that most psyc positions are research based (entry level) and a lot of psyc do very little counselling but more client monitoring/check in re: clients meds or psyc testing depending on expertise. Just something to think about. I am a social worker and spend more face time with clients then the psychiatrists do.

[Fun&care]

Wow I am so glad everyone is posting about this today! Glad because I am struggling with similar feelings. ( check my post in Torontokids thread). I too have to be careful with my mental health. I have never been diagnosed but know that I can slip into a depression where all I want to do is stay in bed all day for no apparent reason...and I am starting to feel very much that way lately. I am torn between going back to work and losing my independence or staying and being bored and bummed out. I feel that with daycare I WANT to do more but don't always have the energy/ creativity to come up with new things to do and even then, my group is so young it's not always worth it or difficult to come up with something age appropriate so the days become long especially lately with the cold....

But I do want to say thank you ladies for simply posting your own thoughts as it helps others out there like me suffering too!

[dodge__driver11]

Since I have come back from Christmas break, I have been pondering what my plan of action should be. I have been mulling over doing home based preschool; but my home is listed right now and if the area I move to has more of a demand for all day daycare I am shooting myself in the foot.

I have some health concerns that make it very hard to work a conventional job...In the sense of if I am having a bad day we can have a movie and coloring day, and just go from there.

Despite my best planning and not wavering on policy, as well as being fair, I always seem to get one parent that says "no" and is extremely disrespectful. I just don't know if I have the stamina to deal with people who are so openly hostile. (See my last post) As always I do my best to screen, but someone seems to sneak by.

Any feedback on this would be ever so helpful... Oh and my problem is too, we do need to be a two income family

[Daisy123]

I think that one of the best therapies is knowing that there are others who know and understand what we go through/think about. bright sparks I really do hear you're frustrations and you seem to have a real war going on. I have a degree and 2 diplomas and yet here I am. Expectations anybody? Sometimes it's a battle in that I feel like I should be doing more but then I remind myself that even though I get called a "babysitter" I AM more. I also hear you about the isolation. Personally I think that that is the hardest part. I'm trying to start a provider "support group" in my area to meet every week or two to share ideas and/or frustrations". (Anyone around Bowmanville Ont?) dodge I do a preschool program with my daycare and that's what saves me. I find that working with the older kids is less mundane. I get to be "teacher". When I feel lazy (often) I check out Pintrest or a Facebook page I like called Teach Preschool for new ideas.

[Fun&care]

For all of you thinking of moving on, do you have any young kids of your own you would have to put into daycare? This is something I am struggling with since mine is 3 this feb but isn't going to school until sept 2015 so still a while to go. However I often feel like daycare/ preschool would be really good for her, to give her a chance to get out of the house and also to be with more kids her age since as it stands she is the oldest but I think she could use some older kids to play with.

Bright sparks I think that so many times we KNOW what we want but FEAR gets in the way. Imagine what you would do if you took away the fear, what FEELS right?

[5 Little Monkeys]

I am very fortunate to have known early on in my adult years that I wanted a hdc. I did centres for a bit but made no money so went to healthcare. I made more money but wasn't happy and certainly didn't enjoy the work. I went back to childcare for a bit and then opened my hdc. I would love to do this until I retire and I look at this as my career and I take it very seriously. I have no children of my own yet but when/if we do, it will be great as we have dc already It is probably a bit easier for me right now because I get to go downstairs, play and have fun all day, and then come upstairs and I don't see a child or a toy until the next morning. I'm hoping when/if I become a mom, I will still enjoy doing hdc as much as I do now. I have found this site to be really helpful and I'm glad that this is a friendly site where dcp's can come and express feelings like some of you are having!! It is good to talk about them!!

Bright Sparks...I'm sorry you are having such a tough time right now! I know what it is like to wake up every morning and dread going to work and feeling like what you are doing is not good enough. I'm not sure about where you live but I know that in MB, office type jobs are hard to come by because so many ppl want them. Do you need a well paying job or is mon-fri days more important? Have you considered working in a daycare centre until your children are done school and then you can start your degree? Or what about being an EA with a school division?

Fun&Care....I also have issues with depression. It comes and goes and I can usually tell when it's happening. Actually my fiance usually picks up on it before I do! I used to feel that way more often before I had my hdc. I needed to make changes in my life and opening a hdc was one of them. It has been a lot better since but there are still times that all I want to do is waste my weekend in bed feeling sorry for myself and cry (even though logically I know I have nothing to whine about). I was on anti depressants when I was 18ish and they did help a bit. Have you spoke to a doctor about your depression? It's a good sign that you want to do more with your dc I feel the same as you...I go through periods where I am super dc woman and we have lots of activities planned, lots of art, lots of great circle time. lots of baking and homemade meals from scatch etc etc and then I get lazy and don't do as much. I have to find that happy medium still lol. I use pinterest a lot to get new ideas and I have actually found since reading this site that I want to be better and get lots of great ideas and advice! My group now is at good ages (almost 2yrs to almost 4) but I started with a very young group (8 months, 10 months, 2-just 2 year olds) and I actually think I did more with them than I do now somedays lol. There are lots of activities to do with any age group but sometimes we need outside help (like pinterest) and to think outside of the box. I always tell myself "I am a dcp NOT a babysitter" and that usually makes me less lazy and I get off my butt and do something haha. I worked in the baby room at the last centre I worked at (3 months to 2 years) so I know what it's like to have to plan things for that age group.

Dodgedriver...I had a great set of first parents and I got soooo spoiled. This new group is okay but man oh man!! LOL One parent drives me crazy almost daily with their lack of parenting and denial. They think they are parenting well but it's so obvious they aren't lol. (IMO of course, I do realize all parents parent differently) A few others are just extremely young (20 year olds with 2 year olds) and are new to this! It's been a learning process I tell ya! I wish ya luck! I guess the only thing to do is term if ya can afford it until you can fill the space!

Daisy123..."and yet here I am"......STOP thinking that way!!! lol You are a dcp who is enriching these children's lives and making a lasting impact on them! What we do with them now in their early years is setting them up for the rest of their life!! I take that seriously and strive to be a good dcp...sure I have my bad days but don't we all? I'm like you....I hate being called a babysitter lol. The support group sounds like a great idea! Definitely not having coworkers can be an issue and it does get lonely sometimes.

Fun&Care...I have a friend who used to do daycare and so did one of her friends. What they did was a couple days a week they exchanged their own child. So their child got to get out of the house, away from mom and made new friends at a different dc. It worked for them because no money was made or lost by doing this. Is that an option for you?

[mimi]

5 little monkeys......I have to say wow, you are such an amazing asset to this forum!

I love my job, but have been there and done that in respects to wondering why I continued working at a job I didn't like and having to due to finances. Life is short and we should try and work at what we are passionate about. I tell my daughter to save her money so that if she ever finds herself in the same work predicament I did, she could afford to leave and educate herself or find another job she would like. Working at a job you don't like will eventually show up in symptoms of poor health (stress)
Anyway, this is also a really lousy time of year. We are stuck inside, it is freezing outside, it is dark early, we are less social so maybe if anyone is having thoughts of change to give it sometime before they do so and think it through.

My insight from the cheap seats

[5 Little Monkeys]

Mimi, thank you for those kind words!

I have to say that you (and everyone on this site!) is an asset!! Discussing all the different ways we do daycare is great and I thoroughly enjoy this site because of all of you! It is so nice to come here and vent, ask for advice/suggestions and just discuss dc life in general I'm so glad Mickyc found this site and suggested it to me lol (we are from the same city!)

Something I read the other day on fb....."I don't have to agree with you to like you or respect you"...........I may not agree with everything that is said on this site but I do respect all of you for doing what you do and for being who you are!!

[bright sparks]

That's so interesting Bright Sparks that you want to get into psyc, only because I have often found your posts to myself and other members both supportive, insightful and nonjudgmental. I am curious what it is you want to do after your psyc degree because working within the LGBTQ community does not require that (depending on your capacity). The other thing to think about (as someone who works/worked in the field) is that a lot of people get their psyc degree with the plan to become a therapist. The reality is that most psyc positions are research based (entry level) and a lot of psyc do very little counselling but more client monitoring/check in re: clients meds or psyc testing depending on expertise. Just something to think about. I am a social worker and spend more face time with clients then the psychiatrists do.

I planned to double major in psych and sexuality and then do a masters in social work. I love psych more than I can begin to explain. I love getting down to the nitty gritty of human behaviour and what causes us to be a certain way. I particularly find psychosocial development to be most intriguing as through my painful past some of these theories make great sense to me and are something I would like to work inline with when it comes to caring for children and adolescents. I think psych and sexuality will complement each other wonderfully and while I don't need the sexuality component to work within my area of interest I just genuinely find the whole subject fascinating.

I would like to offer counsel and advocacy for LGBT youth and young adults ideally but maybe also specialize in private therapy with a special interest in diverse family set ups. I had been advised a couple of years ago that the masters in sw would be much better for where I want to go in terms of career as the masters in psych is heavily research based....which by the way I also love. I am very analytical and just love to read between the lines but ultimately I want hands on, so to speak, working environment where I hope I can really make a difference.