Would you call for a child to be picked up ?

[Secondtimearound]

I get dkg at 6:30 am , just turned 3 , I am experienced in parenting , but I am clueless in dealing with this child. She is getting so disruptive , she is so cheeky and is getting to the point where I am one on one with her all day . Yesterday she was going around to other kids and screaming in their faces scaring them . She has a hard time playing at all but when she does she will just take over what someone else is playing with . My day home is full and there are children she could be friends with but no one enjoys playing with her. Yesterday I finally put out a blanket and gave her toys and books and she had abit of alone play ( still right with us ) she threw the toys , bit the rug under the blanket (area rug ) and started chanting "whatever" at me. So I just went on with play . I told her as soon as she stopped she could join us for circle time but she crossed her arms and sat , being very loud and just doing anything for attention . So I started circle time , looking for any break in her behaviour but she just escalated . She did stay on the blanket . She wasn't a foot from us so I just continued circle time . All day long was the same , outside time , lunch ... I know she was looking for attention so I really praised her if she was doing anything remotely appropriate . Told mom at pick up and there's no real back up there. This morning as soon as walked in the door she apologized and mom said she had leap pad taken away . But starts with the same behaviour . She has a 7 yr old sister who tells all about bad nights at home , screaming ect
This child acts like a mean 13 yr old , if I give her one on one she is happy but the minute I say no she starts . She's very manipulative in her speech and I'm wondering if I called her mom to pick her up for causing so much problems if it would make a difference in how mom handles her . If I text and say she is having a difficult morning she texts back she's bad at home , getting worse don't know why !!! I have an assistant but she is still taking up most of our time , which isn't fair to the rest of the kids . Her sister days m--- says she likes to yell at you miss c , but the things she yells are her age , "I'm going to growl at you , I'm not listening , and my favourite , whatever . She is full time and dies have issues at home , is it a phase or should I just give notice ??

[mickyc]

Honestly it sounds like you need to give notice. You will be so relieved when she is gone.

[ttremble88]

This sounds EXACTLY like my 8 year old daycare boy! Thanks goodness, he is only mornings (and full day PA days). But I to, am at my wits end with him. And the parents are the same as the ones your describing. The acknowledge the problem, but do not take steps to fix it.

[Blackcat3168]

Wow! I can't believe a 3 year old would act that way!!! What do her parents say?
I could never allow a child that was disruptive to our day and to others (the screaming in their faces) to be in my care.

I agree with the poster who said it might be time to term.

That's pretty disrespectful and rude for a 3 year old.

I'm sorry you had to deal with that.

[5 Little Monkeys]

For me, I would try to work with the parents and the child for a set amount of time (whatever you feel is appropriate) and let the parents know in the beginning that if you don't see a change by such and such date, you will have no choice but to terminate care. I would call today for pick up and explain this and explain/discuss an appropriate behaviour plan that you would like to start and would like the parents to implement as well. This plan should be made with both you and the parents input. (Things like if child does "this" then the consequence is "this". It needs to be as consistent as possible at home and at dc)

Remember that this child is only 3. If the parenting has not been there, it's not really the child's fault. Between us and the parents, we are raising children and part of that is teaching them the "do's and don'ts" of life so to speak. They don't just magically know how to behave. I am not a fan of terminating care if actions have not been made to help the child but I can understand why some providers feel this is the only choice. You know the child and family better than us so it will be up to you to decide if helping or terminating would be best.

I have a difficult child in my care right now but most of the difficulty comes from a lack of parenting so I try not to hold that against the child. I am firm and the parents know this and they say they try to be firm like me at home. Sometimes we have good weeks and sometimes we don't. At least I have interesting stories to tell my fiance about every day LOL (it also shows us how we DONT want to parent!! lol)

[playfelt]

I wouldn't call mom for pick up because that gives the child too much future ammo - if I misbehave I can go home and spend time with mommy.

Blanket was a good choice and if that is what it takes then let it. Missing the odd snack for not settling yet won't hurt her either so make everything in the day contigent on behaviour improvement.

Are their privileges the older sister gets the younger one doesn't like a later bedtime or a cell phone or her own computer or TV in her room, etc. Is there something that has made this child resentful. She sounds more angry than anything else.

Letting mom know a timeline for improvement of behaviour though might make her take it seriously. If she figures she manages to get through her evenings and someone else deals with her all day then mom is happy. But if she knows that her daycare arrangement is in jeopardy she might do something. She needs to find out why child is angry.

[MonkeyPrincess]

This sounds EXACTLY like my 8 year old daycare boy! Thanks goodness, he is only mornings (and full day PA days). But I to, am at my wits end with him. And the parents are the same as the ones your describing. The acknowledge the problem, but do not take steps to fix it.

Whoa! See at 8 years old, i know for a fact that they know better than to behave like that. I don't know how you can put up with it. If it were me, i think i would let him go.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I agree playfelt, I wouldn't normally send a child home for this but I think it would show mom that her dcp is serious and that this behaviour NEEDS to stop now. Inconveniencing mom might be the push she needs to take it seriously and work on a finding a solution. Like you said, mom could be thinking as long as she can drop her off at dc, her job is done. NOT the case at all!!

[playfelt]

Mom isnt' handling the evenings now so making her do a day off work might just make it worse for the child. There are potentially parenting issues at stake here too that have led to the behaviour and a day with the child could be dangerous rather than enlightening.

[Secondtimearound]

I maybe cranky but wow really ? I disagree with you playfelt but again I'm frustrated !! Last night after being told about her child's behaviour she says , oh m----- ! Then took them to mcdonalds . ( no secrets with a 7 yr old ) there is no consequences at home , I'm dealing with her behaviour myself . I mentioned to her this am drop off that I will be calling her today if I feel she is being too disruptive and she texted me , when you call .....
I texted back , while I'm hoping not to call !!! And outlined some of the behaviour and words she has been using and her answer was well she has been hanging out with older kids , then says oh that doesn't sound like her , everything at home is the same !
Oh ok so restraining order before Christmas and 'dad leaving is all dealt with then ? New guy moved in ? Ugh I know too much about their family !!! I can't keep the 7 yr old from spilling !! And I try !!! Believe me I'm not into asking a child about her home life ( besides normal conversation )
If I could raise this child , I would try !! But I don't and can only do so much !
I feel like this is too much drama for me ! Even writing this !
Like I said I'm frustrated and cranky !!