Give me strength....PLEASE!!

[5 Little Monkeys]

If you are sure you are done with him (and that's perfectly fine!) and you think you can do another 2 weeks than yes, tell her today that she has two weeks left.

[bright sparks]

If you are sure you are done with him (and that's perfectly fine!) and you think you can do another 2 weeks than yes, tell her today that she has two weeks left.

That's not what I said though...maybe I wasn't clear. I want to give him two full weeks as he may settle on the permanent schedule but if he doesn't then it's two additional weeks for his notice period of screaming. I was thinking of telling the mom that he has two weeks to settle otherwise the placement isn't going to work. I'm just a little stuck with how I do that. It's like two weeks notice but if he improves he can stay?!? Do you understand what I mean?

[5 Little Monkeys]

Yes for sure! Tell mom today that you are giving him and her 2 weeks and if things improve, great! If not, she will need to find alternate daycare because it just isn't working out at yours.

[nschildcare]

Just to clear up he isn't part time. In my original post I stated that he is in transition which was 2weeks at 2 days, 1 week of 3 days and 1 week of 4 days all with shorter hours 9-3. Next week is the fourth week of settling in and then he goes to M-Th 7:30-4:30 which is full time for me as I am only open M-Th. I was hoping to try to stick with it until he has been here two full regular weeks. I told the mom as I do every parent that I don't think gradual entry works and that's just my opinion based on all my experience. She insisted on this set up and now this just goes to prove that it doesn't work once again and I have explained that to mum...coming for two days and then being home for five results in starting from scratch the next week.

After those two weeks do I seriously endure another two for the notice period? I know what is best for the group which is termination without notice and refund her deposit but she is working so she will be left in a very difficult situation. Just because I don't agree with her parenting style or that her child is a real handful doesn't mean I shouldn't care about the fact that the contract states two weeks notice and although it also says I can terminate without notice, I am a kind person who in her shoes regardless of the cause would be pretty pissed off if I was left without daycare without notice. Any thoughts on how I could handle this? Do I verbally tell the mother now that he has two weeks to settle down otherwise the placement will come to an end? Any other suggestions?

So I think you need to lay it on the table with the mom. Tell her your concerns. Tell her you are willing to work with her to get him adjusted. Let her know he needs her help to adapt to the group environment. I understand not wanting to put her in a tight spot. She will (hopefully) appreciate that and your honesty. Give her a 2 week probation period. Explain to her that you want to make it work but that it isn't fair to her little guy to continue on the way things are. Tell her what she needs to do to make his transition successful. I would maybe add that you've tried it her way and it is not working. Now it's time to try your way. I think she needs to trust your experience and advice. Tell her you will be open and honest with how things are going. If you feel that improvement is being made, you will extend the probation period. If not, you will terminate at the end of the 2 week probation period. Do you really want to be stuck in the situation with no quick end in sight, especially if things are not improving and he is there full time for a full day? Either way, someone is going to be unhappy if things are not working out.

I don't know if there is a perfect solution for everyone in this scenario. Maybe someone will have a better idea?

[Fun&care]

I feel for you. It sounds terrible, it really does. I myself raised my babies on attachment parenting, however I always knew I wouldn't put them in daycare. I know for a fact they would have had a very difficult time adjusting. If I were to do it over again there are some things about attachment parenting I would do again but some things just do the kids a big disservice, and I think any parent thinking of putting their child in daycare should just stay away from attachment parenting. I have no advice other than to suggest terminating at this point. It might help mom put things in perspective, and it would save your sanity and the kids. At this point you have to put the groups well being ahead of everything else and start thinking about how the rest of the parents feel about having this screamer around their kids all day.

[nschildcare]

Just reading your other post,

Yes, it's like giving notice but it's not. It's giving her notice that things need to change. It gives you an out after 2 weeks if he still isn't adjusting.

[Crayola kiddies]

I agree with the others .... Have a chat with mom and let her know that now he's starting to attend full time you need to see some improvement by the end of the second week in order to continue on. This way she can either work with you to get him adjusted or she can spend the next two weeks sourcing out new care. Either way she is not blindsided.

[bright sparks]

I feel for you. It sounds terrible, it really does. I myself raised my babies on attachment parenting, however I always knew I wouldn't put them in daycare. I know for a fact they would have had a very difficult time adjusting. If I were to do it over again there are some things about attachment parenting I would do again but some things just do the kids a big disservice, and I think any parent thinking of putting their child in daycare should just stay away from attachment parenting. I have no advice other than to suggest terminating at this point. It might help mom put things in perspective, and it would save your sanity and the kids. At this point you have to put the groups well being ahead of everything else and start thinking about how the rest of the parents feel about having this screamer around their kids all day.

Fun&care...I'm sure you remember my old post about the AP and how she just dropped it on me and it was a very refreshing perspective when you made your comments based on being in both a parents shoes and the providers. I thank you greatly for your insight.

This morning mum showed up 25 minutes late. She did text me at 8:45 to say they were having a bite to eat and heading on over but I didn't expect her to be that late. I asked what time he was up and she said he woke at 8:15. There just isn't any consistency in terms of getting him up at the same time daily so he can make it to daycare on time so his routine isn't off at my place. He apparently had a rough night which could mean anything to be honest. This morning I could not bare to be in the playroom with him so I had already got things set up to do baking with my 2 1/2 yr old dcb and my other 12mth boy is napping. This little guy wouldn't sit quietly on my knee so I could help the 2yr old so I put him in a highchair so he could watch. He screamed for 15 minutes at which point the 2yr old was complaining about the noise so I gave the little guy a cracker which didn't help. 25 minutes of screaming and I have put him to bed. He is for sure tired but I don't think that's the cause of the screaming at all.

I think the 2 weeks notice in the form of probationary period is what I will do tomorrow at pick up. I will let her know that he is not settling and is very upset and screaming, which she already knows. I'll state that while it is hard to transition in as he has been doing I was willing to give it a shot at her request. I will tell her that the next two weeks are full weeks so that can be a probationary period for improvement but if there is no improvement then I will no longer be able to provide care as it isn't fair on her son, the other children or myself.

[mickyc]

Well you are a better person than I am! There is no way I would still have him in my care. I have in my contract that the first 2 weeks are my transition period. During that time termination can be immediately or with notice by either party. I have terminated a child once on the 3rd day for constant screaming. He screamed from the second mom dropped off until she picked him up in the middle of nap time because I couldn't take it any longer. He refused to eat because he was screaming. I was already the 2nd daycare, the first one only kept him for 1 day! I realize a child needs time to adjust but if they are that reliant on mom and can't transition after the first 2 weeks then my daycare is not for them (as their parenting styles are too different from my own). I don't have time to deal with it and won't. I have never had another issue with any other infant since then.

My advice is to tell mom it isn't working and give notice! Goodbye!!

[sunnydays]

I have had screamers before and it is no fun! Just to give you a little hope though, I had one little guy who cried all day ever day for close to 4 weeks...but by the end of 4 weeks he finally settled. I thought about terminating many times...warned the parents...etc. In the end, I am glad I stuck it out because he is 2 now and such a delight and I LOVE his parents. The only thing I can think to suggest is, have you tried putting him in a baby carrier? If he is happy there, it could give you a break from the crying, let him observe the daycare from a secure place, and help him bond with you. I often use a carrier during transition with AP and non-AP babies...for most I find it helpful during that first month or so when they are feeling so insecure.
Obviously, if you have tried everything and nothing works, then termination may be the only way if you cannot find common ground with the parents.