Arrrrrrrgh!!!

So dcb, age almost 4 (and yes, this is the one with the pick-up issue - he truly is a joy to have here), not toilet trained. I've had him almost a year now. I've tried off and on, nothing has been successful, because mom and dad don't put in the effort or try anything for more than 5-7 days.

He's been in pull ups a full year now. He's not at all motivated to train, has everything done for him at home, no expectations or consequences, all that jazz. I've been putting him on the potty before and after nap every day for a few months now, he will always bm, sometimes pee at either time, but I've given up beyond that.

Monday he pooped his pants 3x. I changed him the first time, did the normal "you can tell me if you need to go, if you go on the potty you get a treat, etc." and away we went. Second time I send him to the potty to get started on his own. I asked and double asked him if he'd pooped , didn't smell anything, so I let him start undressing while I strapped the other kids in, went to check and he had taken off his pull-up (full of poop), and made a huge mess. I sternly asked him why he didn't tell me, then "you need to tell me the truth, this is not ok." Then he starts shriek-crying, I'm sad, dont tell my mom, etc. pretty unusual behaviour from him (though he did the same at pick up last night, so maybe it's the new fun thing to do).

Yesterday, Changes and potty were completely back to normal. We made a deal that if he asked to go to the potty, we would drop everything and he'd get 15 mins of tv (as nothing else motivates him). Today I try "spoon feeding" him. I prompted him to ask, reminding him that he'd get tv after. He asks, we go to the bathroom, hooray! I start him undressing and leave him to check the other kids. Come back and he's squatting over his pants, peeing on them... WTF?!?!? I'm sure it wasn't an accident, he managed to take off his pull up, put it in the garbage and instead of sitting on the potty (right next to the garbage), he came 2 ft out of his way.

I'm at a loss. I'm thinking of telling mom tonight at pick-up that I'm done with training him for now. This is beyond just inability, he's purposefully doing things wrong or lying to me about it.

I won't be taking him to the bathroom at all and will be changing him at the change table. I'm going to ask mom to bring diapers instead of pull ups, as pull-ups are difficult to put on when lying down.

What do you all think? I know it's not good to step backward, but staying the same hasn't worked in a year so clearly he needs a wake-up call. And he's displayed his unwillingness to follow directions on many occasions, in my opinion he's had fair chance.