First Week...Red Flags?!

[Judy Trickett]

WOW! Um.....NO! He can't just use you like a nanny. This is not acceptable in any way.

So, whatcha gonna do if he comes after 6pm one day? I hope you have a plan because unless he either 100% gets it, OR, you terminate, it's gonna keep happening over and over again.

Can't the mom just pick up every day? I would tell her that the dad's coming and going at odd times do NOT work for you and that she is basically gonna lose her spot unless she does the pick ups.

[ttremble88]

SO here is the update of what happened. After I talked to him, I sent an email to all of my daycare parents stating that I am CLOSED at 6 and not a minute later, due to me leaving the house, almost daily at close for family obligations.

This particular family did not address the email. So a couple of days later, I messaged the mom about the scheduling changes in a couple of weeks due to her work trip. Instead of DCG being here 2-3 days per week, she was suppose to be here 5 with the father picking her up. But instead, for that week they are going to find alternate care because the father can not guarantee pick up by 6pm.

From now on, the mother is making her schedule to ensure that she only works open shifts and thus she is the one to pick up DCG. Which works fine with me.

[mickyc]

Excellent - glad to hear they are taking the necessary steps to make sure she is picked up on time.

[mom-in-alberta]

Perfect! Good job standing your ground.

[SMHD]

I had a family just like the one you describe, where the father was in construction and somehow thought that because he was a supervisor and could not leave the site for legal reasons, that I should "understand" his arriving at 7 pm instead of 5 pm with no texts or notification. After all, he was in the construction business and had a "very important job"......bla bla

Mine did not seem so important to him and after many conversations with both him and the Mum, it was obvious that they had had this problem with other daycares (mine was #4) and had "conned" me into believing that they would respect my opening hours. One of my first families and I learned fast!

After a confrontation with the father one night, when he again showed up extremely late, he started yelling at me on my front porch. That was it....abuse is something specified in my contract as immediate reason for termination and I did. Gone on the spot...followed by abusive e-mails from the mother. So it was only a matter of time and they had no intention of honouring their contract.

The take-away from this is that the parents' occupations is an important question I now ask during the interview process. I look for parents in stable, valued jobs with good incomes (doctors, engineers) who have the financial stability to pay my fees long-term and are committed to good care and have regular work hours.

The second thing I have learned to do is to ASK the parents to commit to the hours they need on an application form, rather than relying on their "verbal hours" which seem to miraculously vary (usually extend) as soon as they start, or sometimes it gets picked up in the home visit, AFTER they have committed by phone interview. If the hours they need are not in writing on an application form, signed by them, then they can say they never asked for those hours, despite the fact that they signed a contract with those hours specified and upon which the daycare provider has based her rate ( based on the application form).

The third thing I have learned is to have 2 rates: one for my core hours of 8 hours and one extended hour for staggered pick-ups. They choose either the 8 hour rate (and must deliver and pick-up within the 8 hour period, or if they require the 9 hours then they pay a higher rate. That way they do not assume they can leave the child there to the very last minute. They have specific pick-up and drop-off times specified in the contract. I am EXTREMELY adamant that I do not do long days, ie more than 9 hours, so if they need more, they should look at other options. I they continously do not respect the 8 hour core hours they said they needed and would honour, they get bumped up to the higher rate permanently and the contract is reissued at the new rate. Lesson learned...and they no longer take me for granted.

So I have learned that I do not need to beg for business. I have taken my time to fill my spots (it only takes 5 families or less with siblings) and because I have fantastic parents whom I have chosen very carefully (I tell them in advance I am very picky and they may not get in) I have a very low-stress experience with them.

Many of you may not be in the position to wait...but it is very worthwhile. For example, out of 25 enquiries since January I have only accepted 3 new children from 2 families. One more spot to fill and I am full again...long term and hopefully no more gruelling, time-consuming interviews until this group "graduates".

The bottom line is: I always remain in control. I do not come across as desperate for anyone's business. My fees are my fees...questions about "negotiation" on fees or vacation or sick days, or stat holidays, other than clarification on policy and they are out the door, and are told why.

I sense that in this job the type of personality of care givers (kind, loving, generous and sensitive) lends us to being manipulated. You must think of this as a business, first and foremost or you will end up frustrated and angry at yourself and short-sell your family. No one can force their way into your business, so build up a bit of financial back-up so that you are not in a situation where you are financially constrained to accept anybody, on any timeframe, no matter how many red flags. you know those situations are a ticking time bomb and take a huge toll on your health and attitude.

Do I come across as a tough cookie? Maybe but I don't care. I am here for the children and I know that the stress that their parents cause for me only gets passed down to them when I am stressed, no matter how hard I try to not transmit it. You all know I am telling the truth here.

So look after yourselves, first and foremost and the rest will fall into place.

Good luck