Help me find a backbone to terminate

[CrazyEight]

I need to terminate a pair of siblings who I've had for 6 months. I won't get into detail, but the behaviour is completely out of control and has not improved, and the parents honestly don't seem to care. There was so much screaming and tantrums from the 2 of them this morning that I had to walk away and call my husband in tears. I've been incredibly miserable doing this, and I think a lot of you are right when I posted "does it get better?" in telling me if there is a family that is stressful, to terminate them.

I used to have a backbone, or I thought I did. But I've been a complete doormat to these parents, and I admit it. I've allowed them to walk all over me, I've continued taking their children and trying to enforce consistency with them for 6 months even though my own happiness has suffered, and I've tried to terminate before, when Dad literally walked out the door while I was speaking and I let him.

Anyone have any encouragement to help me grow a spine and give notice today? It needs to be done and should have been done weeks ago, and I'm never going to succeed in this business if I don't do it, but I just can't seem to actually follow through with it. Need some help.

[Discoveries]

Sometimes client families and providers are simply not a good fit. You gave this one a go, and it didn't work out. That's okay. If nothing else these kind of challenges provide great learning experiences, and make us better providers.

During nap time type up a very brief termination notice. Along the lines of this is notice that the last day of care for 'siblings' will be Feb.27th. Payment for care is still due whether the children attend or not during this time. Should any further policies be broken, or behaviour issues take place during this time then the provider may enforce immediate termination.

Once the kids are dressed and ready to go, have letter on hand. Hand it over letting them know it is their two weeks notice, and that if they have any questions they may email you later. I would avoid over explaining.

It IS hard. Especially so the first time. It gets better. You will be amazed by the weight you will have off your shoulders and this feeling of relief you will have before long. Maybe not tonight, but on that last day for sure.

You can do this. Think of what advice you would give to the person dearest to you in this situation. You value their happiness right? Take the advise you would give them and follow it.

[Busy ECE mommy]

I let myself get stuck in a similar situation a few years ago. Siblings with many behaviour issues and parents that didn't want to hear what I had to say. My health actually began to decline because of the ongoing stress. I spent my evenings/weekends dreading their return. Thankfully they left, but I endured 8 months, when I was ready to term after month one. I will NEVER do that again. The day they left, my life and business became normal again. Inner peace is invaluable!
My new policies say I can term with no notice due to behaviour/non payment/parents not complying with my policies/parents being disrespectful or rude. And, I keep their deposit!
Give them notice immediately! I went through a few months of financial hardship, but found new clients a few months later, and my peace of mind was worth every lost penny!

[Crayola kiddies]

First write up a term letter
Dear xxxx

The intent of this letter is to notify you that due to ongoing behavioural issues with Suzi and Sally and a general air of disrespect towards myself and my business I will no longer be providing care. The last day of available care is xxxxx. (What ever your notice of termination is ) .

Regards xxxxx

Then sit down and write down some point forms notes of what you want to say at the door to their face ..... Them hand them your letter in a sealed envelope and tell them that the letter is for their records......
One piece of advise is to make sure they are paid for the next two weeks before to term them or chances are you will not get the money. I get paid every other Friday for the following two weeks so I would not terminate until Friday after I received their payment. If the reasons your terminating fa under your "immediate termination " policy then again make sure they are paid in full and have their stuff ready at the door ...... Just bite the bullet and do it ! Once its done you will feel a huge load off your shoulders

[bright sparks]

Kudo's to you for taking ownership of what has been allowed to go on in this situation. It sounds like you are giving yourself to hard of a time though, so my first words of advice are simply "Give yourself a break!" You understand how it has got to this place and as a result, you will be a better provider for it. Don't you ever let another family take comannd over how you run your daycare and how they disrespect you. Now enough with what has happened and move on and take action. Terminate today and just like discoveries said, you will feel the weight lift from your shoulders. I like her recommendation for notice...

the last day of care for 'siblings' will be Feb.27th. Payment for care is still due whether the children attend or not during this time. Should any further policies be broken, or behaviour issues take place during this time then the provider may enforce immediate termination.

I like the part about immediate termination should things continue to be an issue during that time. It gives you an immediate out if you find that the two weeks will be a struggle for you to deal with.

Draw a line under this TODAY and enjoy your long weekend and look after YOU!

[Samantha33]

Even before everyone posts I'll tell you have already received the same advice the majority of people will give you. You will definitely feel better once this is behind you. If I remember correctly you are pregnant and wondering if this is what you want to do. Once this family is gone I think you will have a different viewpoint as to what you can and can't handle. I know most people would not put up with their actions unless it was for monetary reasons. Term. You will be amazed at your new found patience for your family.

[Secondtimearound]

I find it's easier to deal with issues when your not involved , want me to come handle it ?? Lol jk !! I sympathize !! I do !!!
I have been guilty of letting the same thing go on !! Starting each morning at 6:30 am !!! Just complete attention needed every minute !!! It was so tiring !! Then the children would walk out with dcm saying ", we don't like it here " ugh I tried , believe me !! It was so hard for me to admit it was over ( I hate quitting ) so I took full advantage when she needed to change hours !! I just said I couldn't accommodate the time change . Pretty passive huh ?
It was such a relief !!

[mimi]

YOU gave it your best effort and without the parents co operation. For the sake of your well being you must terminate. Please don't feel bad, question yourself or feel you didn't do enough.

These kids are their parents problem (and the parents are the kids problem) and you need to end your involvement with the disrespectful family. You deserve much better than this!

[5 Little Monkeys]

You have gotten great advice and I agree with it all. I am sending good vibes your way and wish you the best and know that you will find it in you to do this!! When your own health and mental health are taking a beating, you need to do what is right for YOU.

The parents will likely be defensive but stick to facts and keep calm. Tell them that it's explained in the letter and if they have any questions they can email you. I think face to face is great but because this is your first time I don't think emailing is a bad idea.

[CrazyEight]

Did it, yesterday afternoon. Dad seemed completely shocked, even though he should know from what he hears from me every evening at pickup that this was probably going to happen.

He's a huge hypochondriac, drags the kids to the doctor about once a week, and tried to tell me it's because they've "been sick." I said, well, they haven't been sick for six months straight, the behaviour is an ongoing issue and is getting worse, not better. I then tried to smooth it out a bit and said that some kids just don't adapt well to having to share, wait their turn, and not always get exactly what they want the second they want it. I have a lot of other small children to care for, including my own, and they all have to wait their turn, as there's only one of me. At home, these girls obviously rule the roost, so it's not something they've taken to easily.

In the end, he minded his manners for the most part. All he really said was "you're overwhelmed, I understand that." And I'm thinking, I'm not overwhelmed, I'm frustrated, pissed off, and exhausted, but if it makes him feel better to blame me for the whole thing and think that I just can't handle doing this, then that's fine. It can't be fun to have your 1-and-4-year-olds kicked out of daycare.

They were here bright and early this morning, and mom said they'll be here for the next 2 weeks. While obviously I knew that could happen, I was kind of hoping that Grandma might be able to take them until new spots are found, but at least I know there's an end in sight. Huuuuuge relief.

Thank you all so much for helping me out! While it's going to be incredibly awkward for the next 2 weeks and will seriously hurt my paycheque when they do stop coming, it was most definitely the right decision. My husband came home with all of my favourite snacks, did all the dishes, and told me to go watch tv. A nice end to a very difficult day.

Thanks guys! Now off to try and find some clients who actually have some form of discipline at home!