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  1. #1
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    DESPERATE to stop hitting/pushing

    I have a 22 month old who is a hitter and pusher. She hits hard and sometimes her pushing comes with a run up and shove from behind....so it's kind of scary. She's mostly after 1 other girl who is 2 months younger than her..so basically the same size.
    Problem is this has been going on for 6 months. There is no improvement. She doesn't care/react to any discipline. This makes me feel that there is no deterent since she just doesn't care. The mom knows and sees it, too.
    I've just realized today that my exhaustion and unhappiness with this job right now is all about this situation. I just don't know what to do about it. I don't want to get rid of her...she has an older sister and that would be giving up 2 spots and you never know what you're going to get....could be worse! But it has to stop. I'm also taking in a younger one soon and it worries me what she'd do to someone younger.
    For my well-being and the well-being of the others, I see that it has to end, but I don't know how.
    Any advice??

  2. #2
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    Well quite honestly if you are working with the parent and have tried different forms of discipline over the last 6 months with no success then it really is a no brainer. You need to clarify what it is you actually want. You say you want to be free of unhappiness and exhaustion which you know is a result of this child but then you say you don't want to get rid of her because you will lose two children. Well it is one or the other I think. 6 months is more than enough time to invest in a child to make behavioral changes but you say you have not seen any change or success. What about the other child who is being pushed? You owe it to her to have her safety and best interests at heart. It is your duty as a good caregiver to protect her from this and it seems you have tried your best at trying to help the child but enough is enough. You owe it not only to yourself but to every other child in your care and their families to terminate immediately. This isn't just minor bad behavior, this is physical harm and is completely unacceptable. Protect the victimized child and terminate the problem child immediately. I think you do know what you have to do, but you are just afraid to act on it because it leaves you in a financially tight spot.

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  4. #3
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    Terminate. You can't have other kids being bullied while you are supervising their care.

  5. #4
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    If you feel you can't terminate then separate - the problem child goes into a play yard - not a playpen like for napping but one of the ones you use to section off a large enough area to play. They get only a few toys and anything tossed out stays out. If tossing is still an issue then limit what they start out with to stuffies and similar soft toys only.

    At the same time the others are not allowed to stand there and goad her into throwing. They should be playing out of tossing range and ignoring the one in the playpen.

    You heap your attention only on the others and do this for a week. After that start to let the child out to be your shadow while you do something with the group and then use the play area for when you move away from the group. Over time increase the time child is out.

    The good news is some of this is age related in the sense of parallel play and seeing the other child as an annoying toy and not as a person and that comes with age and maturity.

    If parents are not on board for helping or admitting there could be issues than keep the play yard plan to yourself because you don't want them doing anything at home that undermines what you are trying to accomplish at daycare.

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  7. #5
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    Yikes that is a tough one. What will you do if she pushes the younger girl into the coffee table or down onto a toy and you have to explain to the parents why the younger child has a bruise or goose egg?

    Do you put her in time out or give her consequences when she gets aggressive and tell her that it is not okay to push and hurt others?

    If you really don't want to terminate then you will have to watch this girl like a hawk or have her constantly at your side so that she won't have the opportunity to even be aggressive.

    Be firm because you have to nip it in the bud before something more serious happens or it escalates.

  8. #6
    Euphoric !
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    Terrific advise play felt !!!!!! I agree totally ..... I do exactly that when my bully kicks it into high gear....I have a super yard just for those times I also use the high chair ... Strap Em in and you get to color ... Or not ..... But you have to sit there

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  10. #7
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    I have been in the same position recently. I don't want to give this little boy up, you never know what ahead. Anyway, what I do now is keep him busy, sitting down, at the little table. Books, puzzles, Mr. Potato Head, coloring, cars, sitting down toys. That's his table. When we do playdoh that's where he sits by himself. He gets to excited as soon as he is involved with other children. This has helped greatly. If I'm doing something with the whole then he comes to sit or dance whatever with us. Hope this helps. Good luck.

  11. #8
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    some useful tips...thank you. I'm not ready to give up this family...it's not just a child, it's the family. It's not a financial thing...it's the package deal. It's the dynamics with the older child...it's a lot of things. I will talk to the mom today about a plan of action and results and a deadline, though.
    I've kept her separate in the past as punishment, but perhaps I need to do this more long-term. I'm going to give it a try...

  12. #9
    Euphoric !
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    You have to look at the keeping her separate as a learning time for her not a punishment. If we don't play nice with our friends we don't play with them period. I have a tendency to just do things my own way and leave the parents out of it. If you tell them you are going to isolate their child till she smartens up and acts properly it isn't going to go over well but/...... the other options aren't going to go over well either if they have to leave care. What goes on at home the parents deal with in their way. What goes on at daycare I deal with in my way. If what I do has no effect and I see no other options then parent can be told look I tried a zillion things and it is getting no better so you are gone.

    In this case I think a lot will get better as the child gets older and more verbal and develops some actual play skills but right now needs to learn that no means no and you get separated every time.

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  14. #10
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    I agree and like Playfelt's suggestion. As I've said before, I'm not a fan of terming as this doesn't help the child, it just passes the problem.

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