Parents are desperate

[mimi]

I have a just turned 3 year old girl who is developmental exceptional except for potty training.
Her parents are beside themselves and this girl is stressed to the max. Dcg does not go on potty(toilet) at home. She does at daycare, but does not produce anything. She has been promised the world by her parents to just pee on the toilet. It has become this immense power struggle at their home with dcg convulsing in tears and upset. I want to tell the parents to back off and leave it for a while, but they think then dcg will "win" the struggle and then will be happy to continue wearing pull ups.

I am looking for any advice to help with this situation. Thanks.

[Samantha33]

I would be leaving it alone (and tell the parents not to continue at this time) back in diapers. Then in 3 weeks (two weeks IMO isn't long enough) I would only have panties and plastic pants on top at home. For success I tell my parents they need to do this. Daycare can be your choice. My choice is pull ups for two weeks. Not usually needed that long though. Just for sanitary reasons. I was just remembering I had a parent who had a very hard time with child peeing on toilet. Thing is they promised him something if he peed on toilet and the child would get something whether or not he did it. This was an eye opener and will tell future parents who do this that it shouldn't be happening if they want success. The child keeps getting what they want even though they don't use the toilet.

[Secondtimearound]

At your dayhome , I wouldn't say anything I would just leave it . It is a power struggle I believe and one not worth stressing about IMO .
I started potty charts for 2 of my dcg , and bought a fancy princess box with fun ( cheap ) treats , 12 potty stickers = a potty prize
With your dcg you might have to lower it , and lavish positive praise on the potty people and let her decide . I know prob a lot may not agree with me , I have just found it will happen when they want it to . You will not be able to make her go , you can't have her sitting on the potty all day ! Dcp can do as they feel best at home but you care for more than one child .

[mimi]

Thanks ladies. The parents are wonderful clients but they are obsessed with this and are fighting amongst themselves and I fear they may lash out at their daughter in anger and frustration.

I have told them in their daily report that for a month I will not mention potty training at all and will leave her to see if she shows interest on her own. The kid is looking so stressed. I have told the parents that in my strongest opinion they should leave it alone for a month as well.

[5 Little Monkeys]

I think what you did Mimi is great!! We all know that putting stress onto a child to potty train is just a recipe for disaster but as parents who just want their child trained they might not get it. I would also look online for some good and well written articles on potty training and send those to the parents if you feel that you have a good enough relationship with them to do this.

These are not our children and for the most part, I stay outta their parenting but there are times that we need to speak up for the children.

[mimi]

Mom actually called and spoke to my hubby who has been home for the day and was encouraging dcg on the potty. He basically told her that in the best interests for all they should take a month's break and she agreed. I am so relieved!

When dcg got up from nap her pull up was so full of pee/poop. She had been holding it in poor kid.
Thanks again everyone for your advice. I was getting scared for her.

[AcornsFalling]

I have had similar problems with my own daughter, who is also exceptional. She is now four and a half and it still turns into a power struggle at times.
I found two good resources- google dr. Laura Markham, she has a lot of Q and A on her website which may be encouraging for the parents. I also bought the ebook It's No Accident, which I found very interesting and useful. I would say that helped me the most to understand my daughter. It has some very interesting ideas about the reasons for accidents and potty training problems, written by a paediatric urologist.
It's very frustrating. Good luck to you and the parents!