How does being a daycare provider effect your own kids?

[lotssoflove]

Hello!
Ive been running an ahdc since my son was 6 months old. I have two kids 6 and 8 and I feel me running this business has been a double edged sword a bit.

On one hand they both have learned how to share very quickly and they both love babies and the new ones that come in. They make friends easily and can have a play date anytime they want because I am home for them. Sick days are not a problem here. Your sick and dont want to go to school fine not an issue.

On the other hand they have had to sacrifice so much. Their toys are played with, their rooms are used for naps and their clothes are often borrowed. They get attached to the dc kids so when they leave, they feel like they've lost a sibling and often are upset. At times of a hard day they come home to a stressed out mom and feel the responsibility to "help out".

I guess I was wondering if others have the same feeling as well?

[Skysue]

Hello!
Ive been running an ahdc since my son was 6 months old. I have two kids 6 and 8 and I feel me running this business has been a double edged sword a bit.

On one hand they both have learned how to share very quickly and they both love babies and the new ones that come in. They make friends easily and can have a play date anytime they want because I am home for them. Sick days are not a problem here. Your sick and dont want to go to school fine not an issue.

On the other hand they have had to sacrifice so much. Their toys are played with, their rooms are used for naps and their clothes are often borrowed. They get attached to the dc kids so when they leave, they feel like they've lost a sibling and often are upset. At times of a hard day they come home to a stressed out mom and feel the responsibility to "help out".

I guess I was wondering if others have the same feeling as well?

I feel it as well and my little one is only 3, been doing this a year! Please there must be way more positives? Do me a favour and ask your kids what there favourate things are and what are there negatives! Report back if you can!

[lilac]

I just wrote a whole post and it dissappeared!!

Anyhow, Positives - being at home with my kids; being my own boss etc, etc. I belive there is a whole thread on this! LOL! Which I totally agree that all of the points listed in that thread are wonderful reasons to run a home daycare!

However, I hear you, I am experiancing the double edged sword at the moment as well. At first my daugther (3 when I started) was jealous, however, once she got over that, both my kids LOVED having the daycare kids here (they are all about the same age); besides that I needed the income, it was my number one reason why I would keep doing it, b/c my kids loved it. However, I suppose the novelty of that eventually wore off, they started to get upset that younger kids were napping in their rooms, that they couldnt have their school friends over or go on playdates of their own bc I'm always busy with a housefull of other kids. They have expressed to me more times than I can count that they wished we didnt have daycare at our house and both quite often will spend a good chunk of time playing alone in their rooms (their choice). And most recently bc I've lost most of my dcks due to my upcoming mat leave, they are devestated that their friends arent coming anymore. I've also found that my son's behaviour is very influenced when a certian other dck is around.

I feel that my kids have been so affected by the daycare that I'm considering taking the fact that I've lost most of my dcks as an opporunity, motivation (or a sign LOL!) to come up with another way of earning an income from home. My kids are so unhappy right now and it breaks my heart.

[fruitloop]

I think at times my kids hate daycare but I explain to them that I do this so they don't have to go to daycare. I ask them what they would rather...come home to play outside with THEIR friends and THEIR toys or go to daycare where they are forced to be around the same kids (whether they like them or not) every day, not be able to play with THEIR own friends of THEIR choice, or play with their own toys. They choose for me to do daycare EVERY TIME!

It's hard for them and me. My day is long with kids so I get irritable in the evenings sometimes from being "on" with kids for so long and sometimes my family takes the brunt of that. I try not to but it happens. I make way more money doing this than if I went to work somewhere. so we all suck it up and do our best.

[Cocoon]

Thank you for this post OP. It gave me an opportunity to see the whole picture. I don't have a child yet therefore, I don't have this problem yet. Thank you again for making me think about the future when i have my own kids.

Cocoon

[jewel1122]

I have seperate toys books etc for my dc this way i dont have to worry about my children getting upset if something gets broken My kids get along great with the dc children only 1 of my children are home during the day the rest are all in school so this way my youngest has someone to play with and they teach each other new things as well

[Spixie33]

I do worry about my children and the psychological effect that having the daycare might have on them.
My son is older and seems pretty cool with it most of the time. Occassionally the kids do touch something he accidentally left out and I hear "I wish they weren't coming to our house...I hate the daycare" etc. BUt that is few and far between

My daughter is 5 and is a bit more sensitive. She loves having the kids here and having them play games but she gets very upset when the toddlers want to play by themselves and not with her or when other kids call me "mommy" by mistake or they come and hug me. I can just see the gears turning in her head and her feeling bad about herself or inferior just because I hug or say something nice to another child. I try to give her extra love during nap times or after daycare and tell her she is my favorite girl in the whole world but who knows whether it is enough.

I also agree with the person who said that sometimes by the end of the day I am more curt with my own kids and feel like I need ALONE time to hear myself think and sometimes can push my kids away because I feel like I am on children-overload. That isn't good either

[martymonty]

From my experience of providing in home daycare for 26 + years and having children at home, I can only speak in regards to my children and yes, I feel that having an at home daycare did affect my kids and some more than others. I have 3 grown daughters and now that they are older and facing having their own children, they often tell me that they felt a bit left out when it came to the daycare children. When my own children were sick with colds, etc. I had them up in their rooms, but when daycare children were here with colds, they were allowed to play with everyone. They said they sometimes felt that the daycare kids were more important (which of course they were not) and I did try to explain that I had chosen this occupation so that I could stay home with them and not have to take them to someone elses house. I never got to experience a school play, or school activities because I was always watching others children (even though they got to see their childrens school activities) I remember going to the school finally when our daughter was in grade 7 for an interview, I was stopped in the hallway and asked why I was there, I explained and the woman actually said OMG there is a mom, well happy to meet you finally. I laughed, but it struck hard. So you do have to find a way to balance the daycare children and your own. If able to go back, I would make sure to take a couple personal days so that I could have went to school functions which was very important to my girls.

[sunnydays]

I have only been doing this for just under a year, but so far, I only really see the benefits to my own children. Not only that they get to be home with me, but that they get to learn how to share, cooperate, get along with a group of children. I think this is something that has been kind of lost in our society as everyone focuses on the individual and kids learn young that is all about "me me me" and "mine mine mine". I have three kids (16 years, 3 1/2 and 1 1/2) and they are all okay with the daycare because they do not have a choice. I cannot even imagine feeling guitly about doing something that benefits them all financially, emotionally, etc. Even my 16 year old does not complain about smoe of the sacrifices he makes for the daycare (ex. kids napping in his room). He understands that families must work together to get ahead and this means sacrifices on everyone's part as well as benefits for everyone. I think it is all in how you approach it. If you feel guilty and bad about it, then your kids will pick up on this and feel that it is not a good thing. So far, none of my kids has said anything negative about the daycare or the dck's and if it does happen, I will explain to them just what I just explained in this post. Kids complain about all kinds of things...anything they don't like at the moment...that's why parents make the decisions for the family, not the kids. I don't see sacrifice and comprimise as negatively affecting children...I see it just the opposite, even if they complain.

[Sandbox Sally]

Same here, kanga. My kids love the daycare. However, my kids are 12, 9 and 7, so the dck's don't use anything of theirs, and they are old enough to understand that I love them first, and that I am doing this to be home for them.

I found it interesting monty, that you said you felt your home daycare stopped you from going to your kids' school. I feel like most working mothers don't get a chance to go to their kids' school for any reason. I mean, how often would you tell your boss that you were taking a day off to volunteer for a school trip or to see your kid accept an award at an assembly? Probably never. I think that having the daycare actually allows for me to be around my kids' school more. I can take the toddlers with me to pick my children up from school, or to drop by at recess on the way to or from the playground. I have also gone on a field trip to a conservation area with the dck's in tow (with the parents' permission, of course).