Advice needed regarding probation/term letter Re: child's behaviour

[bright sparks]

I think I would also be inclined at this stage with all your best efforts to terminate. There isn't just one issue here for you to deal with. If not, then I would be inclined to give only 2 weeks notice not 4 for probation and at the end of the two weeks if you see no improvement in the childs behaviour then her spot will be terminated. This 2 weeks probation will be her notice period so no, I wouldn't give an additional 1 week after that.

There was another post last week addressing a child who was much younger, 22mths I think, who was physical with the other children. I would take a similar approach and even though this child is 3.5, I would strap them in a highchair in an area away from the kids but where you can still see her. Another option would be to separate a portion of the room off and tell her that if she can not play appropriately then she plays in that space alone until she learns. Every single time there is an incident she goes in there. Not quite like a time out with 1 minute for every year, but an extended period of time to teach her that this is how she will spend her DAY if she does not play appropriately. When the other children are in your living area she gets strapped in a highchair and told that she can not be trusted to not pull things apart so she has to stay there until she earns your trust back. She will soon learn. The same at pick up time. Explain to her just before pick up today that if she is defiant and runs all over the place and misbehaves then tomorrow you will dress her and put her in a highchair to wait for mum. If her mum doesn't like this then ask her what she suggests they do instead to change things as you have brought it up with her before and she hasn't followed through on any of your requests and without consequences her child has no incentive to behave.

As for potty training, surely at her age she should have some regularity with her BM's by now?? I know this isn't 100% for any child but generally speaking you know when a child is going to poop. I think once you have the behaviour under control then the toilet training will no longer be as big an issue. She will likely be more cooperative and be more responsive to positive reinforcement.

My whole perspective on potty training differs from most on here so this is just my opinion, but the pull up being on this child for an extended period of time is also part of the problem I think. It is a diaper, she knows it is a diaper, and she knows she can pee and poop in it. Either put her in underwear except for naptimes, which I'm thinking isn't an option if she is peeing and pooping all over the place all the time, or put her back in real diapers and stop training her. Do one thing at a time and take the focus off the fact that she is not trained and all her accidents, or purposeful doodling in her pants.

[mickyc]

my thoughts are that if you put her on probation you will end up filling the spot eventually. Parents who let their children behave this way don't get it! She will take it as a personal attack and blame you for it. I would just give notice and be done.

[Judy Trickett]

If you put her on probation my experience tells me the parents will go and find alternate care. I mean, really, it's not like they don't kNOW she is like this. And the fact that they are aware of her behaviour but not addressing it says that they don't see it as a problem. So your putting her on probation is just going to tick them off and make them defensive. They WILL leave if you put her on probation. But, hey, would that be so bad?

Personally, I think you have put up with enough for long enough a period of time. It's time to just let her go.

[bright sparks]

I put a family on probation about 5 weeks ago and they DID NOT find alternative care. It was enough for them to get their act together and I am glad I didn't just terminate. I think most parents will seek out alternative care because they HAVE to if their spot is threatened to be over in 2 weeks not because they are pissed off at the provider. Also probably the majority will still get annoyed with you and leave for sure but I don't like to paint everyone with the same brush.

Its funny to see the difference in responses to this child than the one last week who was physically harming another child on a regular basis for 6 months. I understand that they are two separate situations and the age difference changes things, but regardless of age neither child is okay behaving this way for 6 months old and in both cases the dcprovider had tried multiple methods of discipline and both sets of parents were not 100% committed to being on board but literally everyone on this post is all for termination, and I was the one who thought the other child should have been terminated and everyone else came up with strategies to help modify behaviour....hope you are following me haha LOL not criticizing anyones opinion for either case, but funny to see how people opinions can be so different when I think they are both very similar situations. How many people said they wouldn't want to pass the problem on to someone else to fix??

[5 Little Monkeys]

For me, age is the difference. Young children need to be taught how to play etc.

This is what I have in my contract for behaviour management....I believe in taking positive steps in managing and guiding children's behaviours. I do this through well defined limits according to the child's age and capabilities. In an instance where your child's behaviour is inappropriate, I will redirect and refocus. If this does not work I will have the child have a "time away". It is not a time out where they are allowed to do nothing rather it is a time for the child to have some alone time(usually with a book or puzzle) and be allowed the opportunity to de-escalate and calm down. If this still does not work, than a time out with no toys will be used as a last resort. If your child's behaviour becomes a problem, I will speak to you and together we will find a solution that works for your child, you and myself. If the behaviour becomes too out of control and is a safety to the other children or myself, I may ask that you find alternate care.

I would let the parents know EVERY day what kind of behaviour I saw and what discipline I had to take. I would talk to the parents and come up with a plan of action and ask that we both follow it so the child has consistent discipline for the bad behaviour. If after all that there was no sign of improvement than I would consider termination. For me, it really is case by case and I don't have a "cookie cutter" approach as each child (and parents!!) are different.

[Secondtimearound]

Personally I think your done !! Having a 3.5 yr old pee on the floor would be a lot to deal with !!! The time spent cleaning ect !! I agree with the pull up !
I am right now lavishing a ton of praise and stickers on a potty trainer , I would suggest ignoring her and her potty training issue altogether ! But it's not just the potty issues , if she is causing that much disruption to your dayhome , I would say term immediately !
I persevered for 6.5 months with a similar situation and the first morning dck was gone my group and I were a lot happier ! Dck was occupying so much of my time with neg attention I didn't even notice ! Once dck was gone ?? I could focus on all the dcks !!!
Speaking from experience I was so much happier !!!

[Crayola kiddies]

If your going to be in the bathroom for more then 2-3 mins then you absolutely should put her I. A chair and strap her in or bring her with you .... What if she climbed up on something and fell off or jumped off and landed on another child or what if she purposely hurt another child? There are all kinds of scenarios that could happen while you are in the bathroom for an extended period of time .... You should be protecting the other children and yourself from accidents as you are liable if she hurts her self or another child while in your care.
As for potty training I always use plastic pants over thick underwear to protect my furninshings and at this age .... Yes I absolutely agree with a punishment for soiling themselves .... At his age she knows the difference and she is making a choice not to use the potty... Is it available to her to just use all on her own or does she have to ask you? I have two potties right outside my bathroom and I have three kids that use the potties ( two I put on and one goes on her own) and I have one that uses the toilet. If you don't have something that she can just use independently then maybe that's what you/she needs ..... However I think this family needs their walking papers and I would not ask them to pay for the doll .... If it was not a daycare toy then it should not be out during day care hours... But I might be inclined to mention it to the parents. Good luck