Transition

[summerfielddayhome]

Hi there,

I have just started up my dayhome and the first child that I have accepted is an 18 month old boy. I am getting quiet concerned that he is not a good fit for my kids or my dayhome. I am looking for some type of advise on how long you give a child to transition into your home before addressing it with the parents?
Like I said he is 18months, he is not walking and has no interest in getting around by himself. He is also VERY sensitive. If my 12 month old comes near him he gets very upset. Also as long as the weather permits it I take my kids outside everyday. Today was the second time we were outside with this little boy and both times he just cried!! I tried to put him on the swing but he cried even more! He just wants to be left alone and sit and watch...is this normal or I am overreacting? How much time would you give this before letting him go and finding another child? Thank you in advance!!!

[Lee-Bee]

How many and how old are you own children?

Do you know much about the boys past...exposure to other children, socialization etc?

What you describe doesn't sound too concerning to me. Some kids just can't handle change and cry a lot until they are used to their new environment. If he is not used to other kids then it makes sense he cries when they are near.

How long have you had him? Is he full time? Is he eating and sleeping with you?

I usually don't take my kids outside until the new child is settled in. I try to keep their day as predictable as usual, stay in the same room and keep to a routine. I find it allows them to settle in faster. The transition involved in getting them outside can be a lot to a child that is overwhelmed.

I have transitioned 3 kids in the last 7 weeks. Oddly the one that cried non-stop and got upset about everything for a few weeks is now the most easy going child that knows all the routines and is the first to do as I say. He was hardest to get settled but is now a very loyal, happy, settled little one. The others transitioned almost without tears and are a pleasure but need more verbal commands etc. Though, they are all very young. Point being, just because this little guy is having a tough time transitioning doesn't mean he will be difficult forever.

[Lee-Bee]

That same child...a few weeks after starting I put in a new baby gate. He stood by it for 2 days and cried. Just could not handle it being there, when it wasn't there before. I couldn't help but laugh...because it was just too funny. Now I bring in new stuff, move stuff etc and doesn't phase him at all...but in that transition period the child NEEDED everything to stay the same or he just couldn't cope.

Transitioning sucks. And as caring,nurturing caregivers it really sucks but we truly do have to turn off the 'caring' dial for a while and tune out the crying in the transition stage. If you let it get to you, it will end your career really quickly!

[summerfielddayhome]

I have a 12 month old and a 2.5 year old. I also have a 4 year old in my care. He is the second child ( his older sister is 7 or 8) but I don't believe he has had much socialization. Hopefully this will pass soon but I am happy to hear it is normal. He comes to my home 3 days a week, this being his second week in my home. So its still early on. I will try and keep a consistent routine for him so he feel more comfortable . I was getting worried that even outside he was still miserable!! Thank you for your advise!

[5 Little Monkeys]

I typically expect a transition period of 2 weeks. I don't think I've had a longer one in my hdc but I know in the centres I worked at, some kids could take 1-2 months to transition.

In the centres it is easier to handle a child who isn't dealing well with transition as we could swap out of the room with a coworker. In a hdc, it is very exhausting and mentally draining to listen to a child cry nonstop with no source of escape for us! Everyone's time limit will be different depending on our personalities and depending on the child and how good/bad their transition is going. I would suggest that you put in your contract that you reserve the right to terminate if a child doesn't settle in within a reasonable time. I wouldn't put a limit on it as for some children this might be 3 weeks(as an ex. a 3 week all day everyday crier) and for others 2 months(maybe they just cry half the day for ex.)

Good luck!! We have all likely been there!! It does get better My 2 week straight all day everyday crier is now the easiest child ever!

[mickyc]

I would find that he is 18months and not walking or getting around on his own my only concern! Wow that is late IMO.

With the winter we have been having we don't get to go out much. I still have ones that have been here for 6 months cry sometimes when we do go out. It is a huge change to our routine when we barely get to go out at all. Plus if they don't go outside with the parents much it is something that is a shock when they have to get all bundled up and be out in the cold.

I like to see improvement everyday. If I can see improvement then I at least know they will transition in. I have an 11 month old that started last week that still cries most of the day but it is slowly getting less and less and he is already making more of an effort to move around.

Only you will know if this child is making improvements. If he is I say that it will just take time.

[Lee-Bee]

It is also harder to transition 3x a week than 5x a week as they are home more than with you so they have to keep relearning your routine and getting used to things.

Hang in there.

[Secondtimearound]

It's so hard to say ! As others have said it takes each child different rate of time to adjust . I have twin dcb who always cry outside , I have just learnt to move on . I don't understand it although I suspect they don't get outside to play a lot .
I will say I had an 13 month who would cry until he would throw up and I tried for a month and termed . Sometimes it's not a fit and sometimes it's just a need to adjust !
Good luck though !!!!