Just wanted to say I totally understand as I am going through this with my own daughter right now. I seem to be having some success by giving her the iPad while on the toilet. Also I find her more likely to go when I am not in the bathroom with her and she has privacy. Another thing that has really been helping is rewards. She gets not one, not two but a whole HANDFUL of gummy bears when she poops on the toilet and she loves it! However when I find that she has not gone in 1-2 days and is holding and refusing to go I just put her in a pull-up so she doesn't get constipated or get complications from holding it and then once she has had a BM we start over and go back to underwear. I think we are almost there.