I get what you're saying, and I don't think you're mean at all. That's what I do for a lot of other situations. But at this point, the provider has done all she can for this kid, but the parent is making it basically impossible for her to make a difference. I'd suggest to do whatever makes her life easier. This isn't mentioned, but does he at least know how to use a spoon? If not, start there, so at least you don't have to actually spend the time spoon feeding him at every meal. Hand him a bowl with his food and have him go to town until he figures it out.