Time to workout? if so, when?

[bright sparks]

I have lost weight in the past by keeping a journal and writing down every last thing I eat and tallying it at the end of the day. You know exactly how many calories you are taking in and can't really be in denial.

This doesn't work for me unfortunately. If I keep a journal I become obsessed. If I obsess over food, my problem becomes worse. I do not keep certain things in the house, cookies, chips, wine, chocolate, cheese. I bake everything for my daycare kids and put bananas in everything as as I HATE banana bread that even if I forget myself for a moment and mindlessly take a bite, I am repulsed by the taste and don't even swallow it...yuk!

My biggest issues are because I cook such good meals for my dc kids, and then for my own kids, and my husband is rarely home for dinner, that for me I end up getting take out, drive thru, eat to late, or dont eat at all. I really should practice what I preach when it comes to nutrition as I know an incredible amount about it and think it is very important.

I also hate exercise because it hurts. I can't stay on a treadmill for more than 20minutes as I am bored out of my skull. I can only manage that long because I have a tv in front of me. I can't run as I have horrific shin splints so I walk at about 3-31/2 mph on a steep incline. I have Jillian micheals body revolution which is 30 minute workouts of HIIT. This is great as long as I stick to it but initially it's not uncommon for my to end up fighting tears as it's just so painful. As soon as I don't do it for a day or two, I just procrastinate and make a million excuses up not to do it. It's more of a psychological issue I think.

Today I am clearing space in my basement to put the exercise mats back out to start again. I waste so much of my life obsessing over how I want to lose weight. I have about 80-100 to lose and no longer weigh myself as it is more important to focus on feeling healthy not the number or the reflection in the mirror. I feel so much better when I cut out alcohol, dairy and refined sugars. I have endometriosis so suffer with chronic pain when my inflammation is worsened which Is aggravated by those foods. The pain can be debilitating.

I am trying to take baby steps. I just completed a pledge to not drink alcohol for thirty days. I don't have a drinking problem lol but it was one thing that I could concentrate on which wouldn't put to much pressure on me. I tend to have a glass of wine, or a few when I've had a hard day, it's how i destress but I've stayed away from doing that now, even after my poopy carpet incident the other day. I noticed a huge difference and after enjoying wine with my friend last night I am feeling the negatives now and feel that maybe what's best is total elimination of alcohol as a result Or at least until my overall health has improved lots and maybe I will be able to tolerate it better. I love wine and really appreciate good wines so it sucks.

I read a great quote on Instagram yesterday...

"Symptoms are not Enemies to be Destroyed, but Sacred Messengers who encourage us to Take Better Care of Ourselves!"